


One Kiss At A Time

by Lyri



Series: One Kiss At A Time [1]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Drug Addiction, M/M, Mugging, Past Rape/Non-con, Recovering Addict Jensen, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Threats of Violence, Violence, attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-31
Updated: 2014-07-31
Packaged: 2018-02-11 06:29:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 70,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2057454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyri/pseuds/Lyri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen, Jared's newest employee at Jay's Pad, has had a hard decade. Recently released from a rehab facility, Jensen's living at a shelter and just needs some help getting his life back on track, and Jared vows to be the one to do just that. Jensen is also an amazing guy and Jared finds himself falling hard after just a week, and he's delighted to find out that Jensen feels the same way. But Jensen still has demons he's fighting and secrets he's keeping and Jared knows that a relationship is the last thing Jensen needs right now. But his heart isn't listening, and when Jared's involved in a stomach churning ordeal, it brings up things from Jensen's past that are revealed to be the causes of all his problems. And Jared doesn't know if he can fix them all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Kiss At A Time

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Español available: [One Kiss at a Time](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3090281) by [merrick_ds](https://archiveofourown.org/users/merrick_ds/pseuds/merrick_ds)



It’s quiet when Jared lets himself in through the door of the coffee shop, keys jingling softly, but that’s not really a surprise. Six o’clock in the morning doesn’t really produce a lot of traffic on the street where his little business sits. 

Closing the door behind him and turning the lock – they don’t open until nine-thirty – Jared stands in the middle of the darkened shop and just _breathes._

It’s the same thing he’s done every morning since he opened _Jay’s Pad_ five and a half years ago, and it isn’t something he sees changing any time soon.

He’s still damn proud of his accomplishment. 

Jared can still remember the look on his mother’s face when he told his parents of his plans to open his own coffee shop. The woman had been furious, cursing the air blue as she begged and pleaded for Jared to reconsider, to think about all that money they’d spent on a college degree just to squander it serving people cappuccinos and pastries. His dad had just shaken his head in disappointment.

It was then that Jared decided to set up his business somewhere outside of San Antonio. 

He knows his parents had meant well and only wanted the best for their son, but Jared had wasted enough time on a degree that he didn’t really want and the idea of spending the rest of his life like that – pleasing others rather than himself – was enough to make him feel like someone was crushing his heart in a vice. 

And besides, it wasn’t like he never used his degree. A degree in business was pretty good thing to have when you decide to set up your own. Alright, so it might not have been the high flying career his parents had been hoping for when they pushed him towards Texas A&M, but at least his degree hadn’t gone completely to waste and he had somewhere to start when he decided to start up his own coffee shop.

Jared’s grandfather had passed away when Jared was still in college, leaving him a nice house in a suburb of Dallas. It had a yard big enough for a dog and it was a few hours’ drive away from his parents’ place in San Antonio – enough that spur of the moment decisions to visit were pretty much impossible.

It seemed as good a place as any for Jared to set up his mini empire.

Three months after moving to Richardson, he acquired the keys to his castle, a decently-sized shop located on a little out of the way street, and six months after that, he had staff, a menu and _Jay’s Pad_ had its grand opening.

And Jared had never looked back.

His parents have been to visit a few times in those intervening years, even stopped by the shop once. They know he has his own shop, but they don’t know about his other ventures. They’ve never once admitted they were wrong or swallowed their pride enough to congratulate for setting up a successful business. Jared knows it’s because they’re still bitter that he’s not some powerful CEO of some random drugs company he knows nothing about and he tries not to let that get to him.

He’s happy and to him, that’s the most important thing.

The deliveries start just after Jared’s made himself the world’s most perfect mocha – alright, _Richardson’s_ most perfect mocha, but it’s still damn good. He makes small talk with Rob as he piles the milk crates next to the back door and harmlessly flirts a little bit with Felicia as he helps her unload the boxes of various fruit and vegetables. The guy with the coffee beans and syrups is new and doesn’t open his mouth for anything more than a ‘sign here’ and Jared decides to leave him to his grumpiness.

The next person through the back door that’s used specifically for deliveries – and when Jared can’t be bothered to walk all the way around the building to his car when it’s parked out back – should have been the butcher with whatever Danneel had ordered for her specials, but it’s not the butcher who skips through, but Danneel herself. 

Her red hair is spilling over her shoulders in loose curls and she’s wearing heels so high Jared’s surprised she doesn’t have vertigo and she looks so far from being ready to start work that it’s almost ridiculous.

But given that it’s not even seven yet and Danneel’s shift doesn’t start until nine, Jared thinks he’ll give her a pass.

“Did hell freeze over?” he asks as he gets started on the specials board, trying to remember the name of that latte thingie Genevieve concocted the day before.

Danneel gives him a scathing look. “I came in here to ask you and favor, so I figured I’d do something nice for you and open up, but if you’re gonna be like that…” she trails off with a cocked eyebrow and Jared can’t help his laugh.

“Dan, it’s not like you’re the one doing me the favor here by coming in early. You _want_ the favor and have come in early to guilt me into giving it to you.” Jared gives her a smile to let her know he’s not really pissed off, but he can’t help but be a little wary.

After all, the last time Danneel had asked for a favor, she disappeared with some guys in a band and he didn’t hear from her for six weeks. If it hadn’t been for the random photos she’d been sending to Genevieve, Jared would have been on the phone to the cops by day three.

Danneel has the grace to blush, at least, and she looks at her shoes as she fiddles with a strand of her hair. “So, um…you remember when I went touring with those guys in the band?”

Jared groans and rolls his eyes. He should have fucking known. 

Danneel may not be Gordon Ramsey or whoever the latest big name celebrity chef is, but she’s a damn good cook, and even though Jared isn’t so bad himself in the kitchen, he can’t hold a candle to her and neither can the rest of his staff. If she decides to take off again for another extended vacation, Jared’s profit margins are going to go way down.

“It’s not like that!” she insists, cutting Jared off as he heads across the kitchen to start working on the batch of muffins he needs to make.

Danneel might be the best cook around, but she can’t bake worth a damn.

Jared eyes her warily. “Then what is it like, Danni? Because I can’t afford for you to take off for the other end of the country so that you can get your Dolly Parton on.”

She rolls her eyes. “I am so much better than Dolly Parton and we both know it.” She sighs. “I’m not asking for time off or anything, I’m asking if you’d consider taking on one of the guys that I was traveling with.” 

Jared wrinkles his nose. “Dan, I’m not really looking to hire anyone right now. I’m kinda set for staff.”

“You were talking last month about maybe getting someone to play kitchen hand during the day ‘til Colin gets out of school,” Danneel reminds him, her eyes wide and pleading.

“You honestly think a grown man would want to work as a glorified dishwasher and busboy?” Jared can’t help the laugh that spills out of him. As much as he loves his staff and he knows that they love their jobs at the shop, he’s well aware that most of them are only working there until they find something better – or in Colin’s case, graduate high school.

“Honestly? It’s probably the best he can get right now.”

Jared does not like the tone of her voice. “And just what the hell is that supposed to mean?”

She frowns and starts picking at her cuticles. “He, um…he just got out of rehab.”

Jared feels like his eyes are gonna fall out of their sockets. “Jesus Christ, Danneel!” He tries to storm past her to the other side of the kitchen, but she grabs his arm before he can take more than two steps and he spins back around to see the desperation in her eyes.

“Please, Jared, he needs a job. I swear to you, he’s not dangerous or anything like that. No criminal record. He’s just a guy who’s had some bad luck is all.”

“Danneel-”

She cuts him off. “Hey, this is me you’re talking to. Do you honestly think I’d be friends with some convicted felon?”

Jared has to acknowledge her point. Danneel might be an open minded person, but he’s pretty sure she draws the line at criminals.

Or at least, the kinds of criminals Jared’s imaging right now.

“He just needs a boost, Jared,” Danneel says softly, “somewhere to start, get a little money together for a down payment on an apartment at least.”

Jared frowns at that. “Where’s he living now? With you?”

Danneel shakes her head. “No, he’s…he’s at some shelter downtown. For recovering addicts. I tried to get him to come live with me, but I live in a studio; not a lot of privacy. And the guys, they…they move around so much, what with gigs and touring, that’s really not what Jensen needs right now. He needs stability and structure, something that’s been severely lacking in his life these last few years.”

Jared sighs. He’s a sucker for a sob story, okay?

“How do I know he’s not gonna bail on me in three weeks because he can’t handle the pressure or falls off the wagon?”

Danneel’s eyes narrow. “He’s clean and sober now, Jared. He got out of rehab a few months ago and he’s trying his best, but he needs help. He needs…he needs support and someone to give him a shot.” She glares at him and Jared does feel slightly guilty for his comment.

“Alright, I’m sorry; I could have phrased that better, but my point still stands. How well do you really know this guy?”

“Well enough to consider him my family,” Danneel admits with a sad little smile and Jared remembers the day about a year ago when Danneel received a phone call and ran out of the shop like her ass was on fire, screaming something about a family emergency.

She never did tell anyone what that emergency was and Jared thinks that maybe now he might have some idea.

“We met at college,” Danneel goes on, backing up a little in her narrative, “UT Dallas, at some weird art appreciation elective during my sophomore year. Turned out, we lived in the same dorm, and one night, my wench of a roommate kicked me out so that she could hook up with two guys she met at a save the whales rally.” Jared snorts at the sheer idea of that and Danneel nods her agreement. “Jensen found me sleeping on the couch in the common area and took me back to his room. His roommate was pretty much non-existent, so it worked out okay.”

Jared rolls his eyes and pulls out the ingredients for his cupcakes.

Danneel smacks his behind. “I saw that look. It totally wasn’t like that.”

“If you and this Jensen guy are as close as you say, it seems like the obvious conclusion. Like one of those cheesy rom-coms.”

“Well, you’re completely wrong,” she huffs, but she’s blushing when Jared looks over his shoulder with a raised eyebrow. “Okay, fine, it’s not like I didn’t try, okay? But it wasn’t ever gonna happen; Jensen plays for your team.”

Jared blinks. “Oh.” 

“I’m not trying to set you guys up or something,” she preempts, even though the thought hadn’t crossed Jared’s mind. “Jensen’s really not in the right headspace for a relationship right now. He has to learn to love himself before he can love anyone else.”

The way Danneel says that makes Jared think there’s more to this guy than just some drug addict, that there’s a reason he messed himself up so badly, but one look at the redhead and Jared knows he’s not getting any answers out of her.

With the way her head tilts and her eyes flash, Jared knows she’s telling him he has to earn those answers and he wonders how he can do that. He doesn’t think he’ll have much in common with someone who doesn’t care about himself enough to not pump his body full of pills or whatever Jensen’s drug of choice had been.

Jared sighs and runs his fingers through his hair and just like that, Danneel knows she’s won. She bounces on her ridiculously high heels.

“So, can I go call him and tell him he has the job?”

Jared chuckles. “Come on, Danni, isn’t he, like, right outside?”

“No. Actually, I thought it was gonna take me a lot longer to talk you into this,” she admits with a shrug. “Plus, it’s Saturday; who wants to start a new job on a Saturday? I just told him to show up on Monday because I figured I’d have it all sorted by then.”

Jared just sighs again. “Okay, fine, but this is all on you, okay? You’re gonna show him the ropes and you’re the one who’s going to explain to the guy that he’s basically a glorified dishwasher.”

Danneel squeaks and throws her arms around Jared’s neck, hugging him tight. “You are awesome, Jared, I swear. And, yes, he knows what the job is, he doesn’t care. He’s just grateful that it’s a job.”

There are tears of gratitude shining in Danneel’s eyes when she pulls away and Jared feels a little flair of warmth in his belly for being able to grant her request.

She sniffs and laughs a little at her emotional state and then she claps her hands and makes shooing motions towards the door.

Jared frowns at her. “What?”

“I told you, I came to ask you a favor – which you’ve now granted – so I’m gonna repay that by opening up for you today.”

Jared winces. “No, Danni. I have cupcakes and pies and shit to make. And let’s be honest, your cooking might be first rate, but your baking is for shit.”

She gives him a look that makes Jared worry for his manhood, but before she can open her mouth to scold him – or make a move to castrate him with the heel of her shoe – there’s a knock and a high-pitched whistle from the delivery entrance.

Danneel breaks into a sunny smile, her red hair flying as she spins around and Jared looks over her head to see a petite blonde making her way into the kitchen and he gapes.

“You roped _Alona_ into your evil scheme?!” 

“It wasn’t a scheme!” Danneel exclaims.

Alona owns the bakery at the other end of the block with her husband, specializing in custom wedding and birthday cakes; huge, decorative masterpieces that Jared would feel ashamed to eat if they weren’t so fucking delicious. She and Jared have been friends since he bought his shop and she spotted him decorating, getting the place how he wanted it. Alona and her husband had come over the day before the official opening with the most amazing cake shaped like the shop, complete with the sign out front and little figures of Jared and his staff made out of modeling chocolate. Alona had been one of Jared’s favorite people ever since.

And while they don’t really have much in the way of competition, Jared feels a little uncomfortable with Alona working in his kitchen.

“Relax, big guy,” Alona says, patting Jared’s chest, “my place is closed today ‘cause the hubby’s out of town. I’ve got nothing better to do, and, you know, it’s a nice thing you’re doing for Danneel’s friend, so you deserve a little time to yourself.”

Jared looks down at Danneel’s shoes. “You’re gonna run my coffee shop in those?”

“Hell, no,” Danneel scoffs, “these were in case you said ‘no’, then I could storm out. These heels are great for storming. I’ve got my other clothes in the car.”

Jared sighs and looks at the two girls and their determined expressions and knows he’s already lost.

“Alright, fine. I’ll be back at six to close up.”

“Sounds good,” Danneel says with a salute.

“Call me if you need anything and try not to burn the place down.”

He escapes out the front door before they can say anything and he takes a deep breath of the early morning air.

It’s barely seven in the morning and Jared’s completely at a loss.

He walks the few blocks home in silence, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans as the thinks about what kind of impact Jensen will have on the shop.

He’s fairly confident that his staff won’t have much of a problem working with a recovering addict, but he’s not really sure that it’s something Jensen will want everyone to know about. 

On the one hand, he’s a firm believer in everybody deserving fair treatment and being able to live in a world where they aren’t looked at like they’re second-class citizens. Being an out and proud gay man, it’s something that Jared’s had to deal with himself.

But on the other hand, his staff has been loyal to him, sticking with him and his little empire when they could have probably found better jobs somewhere else, and they deserve his loyalty in return.

Jared sighs again. He would hate Danneel for potentially putting him in this situation if he didn’t know she was just trying to make sure her friend was taken care of.

His phone is ringing when he opens the front door and it makes him frown. 

Practically everyone Jared knows is aware that he’s always at the shop at this time of the morning. They always call his cellphone if they need to speak to him; or the shop itself if it’s urgent.

“Hello?” he says, a little breathless from his dash to the living room and maneuver around Sadie.

_“Oh. Jared, I wasn’t expecting you to be at home.”_

Jared squeezes his eyes shut and pinches the bridge of his nose at the sound of his mother’s voice. “Why are calling me at home if you didn’t expect me to be here, Mom? You could have called at the shop.”

 _“I was just going to leave a message,”_ she says, her voice a little tentative.

And suddenly, Jared understands. She didn’t want to speak to him, so that he wouldn’t be able to say ‘no’ to whatever reason she has for calling.

“Well, now you don’t have to!” he says as brightly as possible. “You can talk to your loving son instead!”

She sniffs. _“I was just calling to tell you that your brother was promoted at work, so we’re throwing a small get together at our house tomorrow and we expect you to be there. We’ll have the guestroom ready for you.”_

Jared splutters. “Uh, Mom, I…I can’t. It’s too late to drive back. I have to be at work at six on Monday morning.”

Sharon clicks her tongue. _“I told you Jared, I’ll have the guestroom ready for you.”_

“No, I can’t, I have to be at work,” Jared insists.

_“Jared, if you’re little shop is closed today, then it’s obviously not doing as well as you’ve told us, so you can close on Monday too.”_

“The shop isn’t closed, Mom, I trust my staff to run the place while I take a well-deserved day off.”

_“Then they can do the same thing on Monday.”_

“No, they can’t. I have a new guy starting and I need to be there to show him around and teach him the ropes.”

She sighs loudly. _“I don’t understand why you’re being so difficult here, Jared. Your brother getting a promotion is a big thing, you should be proud of him and we need to show him that we support him as a family.”_

“The same way you supported me?” he can’t help but snap.

_“And just what is that supposed to mean?”_

“Mom, you and Dad have only been to my shop once and Jeff hasn’t been here at all. That’s not exactly supportive, is it? So why do you expect me to be supportive of everyone else’s career, but not expect the same in return?”

_“Well, Jared, Jeff is a busy man. He’s a doctor, out there saving lives every day. You can’t expect him to put his career on hold just to visit you and your little shop.”_

Jared nods his head, even though he knows his mother can’t see him. “The fact that you keep referring to it as my ‘little’ shop proves to me that you just do not understand the importance of it.” 

_“Jared, it’s a coffee shop, it’s hardly in the same league as Jeff,” Sharon_ rebuffs. _“I don’t see what you’re getting so upset about. If I’m being honest, I would have thought you would have seen sense by now and stopped wasting your time and money trying to keep that place afloat.”_

Jared pauses and frowns. “What? What are you talking about?”

_“Lisa mentioned the last time she stopped by that the place was empty, Jared. She said you told her you were almost bankrupt.”_

Jared feels like his eyes are about to pop out of his head. The last time Lisa, Jeff’s wife, was anywhere near the coffee shop, it was eight-thirty at night and the shop was closed.

“I’m not going bankrupt, Mom.”

_“Really, Sweetie, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. You gave it a shot and it didn’t work. It’s time to move on to something better.”_

“I’m not moving on, the shop couldn’t be doing any better. I’ve had to take on new staff because we’re so busy every day and we’ve been featured in the local newspaper as the best coffee shop in the city. So, tell me, Mom, does that sound like a failing business to you?”

Sharon clears her throat. _“I was just…that’s what your sister-in-law said she saw, so…”_

“Well, Mom, maybe if you came to visit the shop yourself, you’d see how successful it was.”

_“I really don’t have time for a visit to Richardson right now, Jared.”_

Jared nods again. “And I don’t have time for a visit to San Antonio, so I guess we’re both in the same boat.” 

She sighs, like she’s just sick and tired of having to deal with him. _“I wish you’d just see things from my perspective, Jared. You’re throwing away your degree with this little venture. You did it, okay? You did your own thing; now it’s time to put your future first and come back to the city. I know there are plenty of opportunities for someone with your education and experience.”_

Jared bites down hard on the inside of his cheek. He wants to tell her everything, he wants to tell her so bad he aches with it, but the words just stick in his throat.

He just can’t live with the gloating. Oh, she’ll gush and praise his forward thinking, but she’ll also point out that it was her idea for Jared to get his business degree and she’ll tell him that this – his vast fortune and his network of successful businesses – was all because of her.

And Jared just can’t deal with that, so he keeps his secret buried down deep and takes a breath.

“Can’t you just accept the fact that I’m happy? Shouldn’t _that_ be the most important thing here?” 

_“Happiness doesn’t pay the bills, Jared,”_ she snaps and Jared sighs loudly.

“Well, my little coffee shop pays the bills just fine. Better than fine, actually. So I’ll just get on with being happy, okay?”

Jared can almost hear her rolling her eyes. _“Whatever you need to tell yourself, Jared. So what time should I expect you tomorrow? You’ll want to get an early start, of course, so shall we say about two?”_

Jared hangs up the phone and he’ll be forever annoyed that he can’t slam it back into its cradle. He settles for aggressively pressing the ‘end’ button and throwing the handset onto the couch.

Of course, it rings again right away and Jared feels his blood start to boil.

“Come on, Sadie, let’s go for a walk.”

Jared and Sadie are out the door before the answering machine picks up.

///

“It’s not like I planned to keep it a secret,” Jared whines to no one as he throws a ball for Sadie.

And it’s true.

Jared remembers the day he and Genevieve came up with the idea of branching out, of creating something new, like it was yesterday, and when he’d signed the paperwork for the first _Colt’s_ shop, he’d driven all the way to San Antonio with a smile on his face, positive that this was going to be the thing that made his parents realize that he’d been right in his decisions all along.

But when he’d pulled into his parents driveway, Jeff and Lisa’s car was already there, they’d come over to announce their pregnancy and Jared hadn’t wanted to take their moment away from them – or listen to anyone whine about Jared trying to steal their thunder and asking why they should care about another coffee shop.

It’s not like owning a chain of successful businesses is anything to be proud of, right?

While _Jay’s Pad_ had been a personal thing and will always be the place he thinks of as his actual job, _Colt’s_ had been more of a business venture, and one that Jared doesn’t really have a lot to do with anymore, other than making sure it’s still making money.

There are sixteen _Colt’s_ all over Richardson and Dallas as well as several carts and stands on the college campus, and it’s one of the most successful independent coffee chains in the state. Stephen Amell manages the whole chain and he does a pretty good job; he’s done an incredible job, actually, and Jared doesn’t need to worry about it at all when he meets with Stephen to check the books once a month.

The restaurants came later, a throw away comment by Danneel that Jared just couldn’t let go. He’d even offered her a job as head chef at the first restaurant he’d opened, but she’d turned him down, telling him that she was good enough for his coffee shop, but not good enough for a high end restaurant.

Jared had disagreed but he hadn’t argued, naming the restaurant after her instead and gave her a ten percent share.

Now, three years after that first discussion about it, Jared owns three high-end restaurants – _Elta’s, Lecki’s_ and _San An_ – and a diner, _Sadie’s_ , on campus catering to college hangovers with greasy food. All of them are run by managers and Jared’s family knows nothing about any of them.

He always has to bite his tongue when Jeff tells him how much he loves going to _Lecki’s_ whenever he’s in the city for a conference or something, completely ignorant that the name of the restaurant comes from Jeff’s own surname.

He can only imagine the looks on his family’s faces if he ever told them. It might be worth the gloating just for that.

He’s so lost in his own thoughts that it’s a while before Jared realizes that Sadie hasn’t come back from the last time he’d thrown the ball for her. He’d aimed it over a group of bushes and he belatedly remembers that there’s a pond in that direction as well as a grassy area where people often picnic.

While Jared’s fairly certain that no one in their right mind would be having a picnic before nine in the morning, he’s also fairly certain that there are ducks in that pond. It wouldn’t be the first time that Sadie has tried to exercise her hunting skills.

“Sadie!” he calls as he rounds the bushes, jingling her leash a little as he calls her name again.

When he finally spots her, she’s sitting on the grass, looking about as pleased as she can be at the guy sitting next to her who’s scratching her behind the ears.

“There you are,” Jared says, not really surprised. Sadie loves attention and has been known to ignore everything else around her when there’s someone willing to rub her belly.

“I’m sorry,” the guy says softly, getting to his feet. “The ball went in the water and I didn’t want her to get covered in mud. I knew her owner would find her eventually.”

Jared’s eyes flick over to the water for a second, just enough time to see the yellow ball bobbing in the ripples caused by the slight breeze before his gaze in back on the back, because Jared is pretty sure that this is the most gorgeous man he has ever seen in real life.

“Uh, hi,” Jared says lamely and the guy laughs, a little self-conscious. “Thank you, for, um, for Sadie. She likes the mud. Also likes making sure she gets as much on me and all through the house as possible.”

“Sounds like a typical dog if you ask me,” the guy chuckles. He gives Sadie one last scratch behind the ears and sends her back to Jared.

Jared clips her leash on and looks back out over the pond, mourning the loss of yet another tennis ball, before turning his eyes back to the guy, taking in the blanket and mini-picnic on the grass.

“You look like you’ve been here for a while.”

The guy blushes. “Yeah, I…I don’t sleep so good these days. It’s better being here than staring at four walls or watching some mindless shit on TV.”

Jared just nods his head, conceding the point.

“Besides, it looks like I’m not the only one out this early.”

Jared snorts. “Yeah, it was supposed to be my day off, was planning on going back to bed for a nap or something, but…”

“But?” the guy presses when Jared trails off.

“But my mom called.”

The guy laughs, but it’s not a happy sound. “Yeah, families can do that to you. You and your mom don’t get along?”

“It’s not that, really. We used to get along fine until I wouldn’t do what she and my dad wanted me to do.”

The guy frowns. “What do they want you to do?”

“Be some big hotshot CEO or something. No one seems to understand that I’m just not cut out for that kind of life. I mean, look at me.” Jared gestures to his ragged jeans, worn _NASA_ t-shirt and Chuck Taylors. “Do I look like I’m the kind of person who could sit behind some desk all day in some stuffy suit?”

“Well, I don’t know you, but first impression? No, not really.”

“I do okay for myself.” Jared rolls his eyes at himself. “Better than okay, actually, but…but it’s like I embarrass them. They don’t like telling their friends that I work in a coffee shop, even if I _own_ said coffee shop.”

The guy nods. “Some parents, they want better for their children than what they had and they feel like failures if they think that they haven’t achieved that.”

Jared pauses, considering that.

“Then why can’t they just believe me when I tell them that I’m happy? Isn’t that what any parent should want most for their children?”

The guy looks away, staring out over the pond. “Some people think success and image are more important than happiness.”

Jared feels concern growing in his chest. “Your parents are the same?”

He shrugs. “I haven’t seen them for a couple years, but they’re the kind of people who believe that image is more important than anything. If you find yourself in a difficult situation, they pretty much don’t want to know.”

“Jesus,” Jared breaths.

The guy smiles tightly. “They don’t have much sympathy for their children. Or maybe it’s just me, I don’t know.”

“I know the feeling.”

Jared can admit – if only to himself – that even though his parents told him that nothing had changed when he confessed to them that he was gay, he did notice some slight changes in their behavior towards him. Nothing too overt; more like he noticed that their random touches stopped happening quite so often and hugs were less frequent and didn’t last as long as they did before. It was hurtful and confusing and another reason why Jared wanted to open his business somewhere outside of San Antonio.

The guy lifts his travel coffee mug and tilts it towards Jared. “To being the queer kids in the family.”

Jared smiles brightly despite the situation, pleased to see that he at least has a shot with this guy. Or at least, he hopes that’s the reasoning behind the guy’s words, though he can’t recall actually mentioning that he was gay. Maybe the guy just has a good gaydar.

“Listen,” he says, sticking out his hand, “I’m Jared.”

The guy takes his hand, holding it tightly. “Jared…with the coffee shop.” He says it slowly, like he’s figuring something out.

“That’s right. And you’re-”

He’s cut off by the ringing of his cellphone.

“I’m sorry, just one second.”

The guy waves him off and Jared pulls out his phone, groaning when he sees _Elta’s_ flashing on the screen.

“Hello?”

_“Jared? It’s Cindy.”_

Jared frowns. Cindy Sampson is the manager of _Elta’s_ , but Jared doesn’t usually have much contact with her in the day-to-day basis. They usually have a meeting once a month so that Jared can see how well the business is going and go over any changes that she wants to make. It’s strange for her to be calling at all, never mind at such an early time in the morning. “What’s up?”

She takes a deep breath. _“There are customers in the restaurant that want to speak to the owner. I tried to take care of the situation, but apparently the manager of the restaurant isn’t good enough.”_

“What the hell happened?”

_“I don’t even know. I wasn’t here last night, the night manager, Mercedes, was on shift. It’s…um, it’s her the customers wants to complain about.”_

Jared winces. “What kind of complaint?” Cindy is silent and Jared presses. “Cindy?”

_“They were a gay couple and Mercedes asked them to leave.”_

Jared feels his blood boil. “Get Mercedes to the restaurant and tell the customers that I’ll be there in an hour. Offer them coffee and breakfast on the house.”

He hangs up before Cindy can say anything else.

“I’m really sorry, man. I have to go.”

The guy smiles. “Duty calls, Jared with the Coffee Shop. I’ll see you around.”

Jared nods slowly. “I hope so.”

He pulls on Sadie’s leash and walks away, forcing himself not to look back.

///

Jared arrives back at the coffee shop fifteen minutes before closing. There’s a small line at the take-out counter where Katie is still filling orders and Genevieve is mopping the floor beneath the upturned chairs.

“Wow, you look like hell,” Genevieve says, leaning on the mop as she looks him over.

Jared shrugs. “Who knew firing someone would be so damn exhausting?”

Genevieve gives him a sympathetic smile and puts one of the chairs back on the floor, gesturing for him to sit down. “You wanna talk about it?”

He shrugs again. “Not really much to talk about. She was…” he shakes his head. “You’ve been to _Elta’s_ ; you’ve met Mercedes, right? Did you think she was capable of something like that?”

Genevieve laughs. “Jared, honey, I don’t know what she did. What are you talking about?”

“Oh,” Jared blushes, “right, sorry. She…um…she was refusing to serve gay couples.”

Genevieve’s eyes bug out. “Are you serious? How long has she been doing that?”

“I don’t even know. Since she started, I guess?”

Genevieve shakes her head. “Impossible. She’s been working there for…months. We would have heard about it before now, right? Someone would have put in a complaint about her.”

Jared gives her a look. “This is Texas, Gen. She might not have even had many gay couples to deal with and the ones that she did refuse service to might not have felt confident enough to say anything about it. If this couple had kept their mouth shut, too, she would have just carried on and I would have been oblivious.”

“So what did she say to you?”

This time, it’s Jared who laughs. “She said she couldn’t deny her religion and faith by…I’ll spare you from what she actually said. It wasn’t pretty, at least, not from someone supposedly so religious. Though it’s probably something you and Danneel say every day.”

Genevieve shoves his shoulder. “Jay, you know I would never say anything like that. You know that both and Danneel and I are huge supporters of LGBTQ rights.”

“I know, I’m sorry, I was just kidding. The whole thing was kind of worth it though, just to see the look on her face when she realized she was working for a gay guy. She must really like the job or the tips or something, because she tried to backpedal really fast.”

Genevieve chuckles. “Man, I wish I’d been there to see that.”

Jared nods. “She did try to show me the error of my ways.”

“God, I do not envy you.”

“Yeah, so anyway, how was this place today?” Jared asks, trying to change the subject. “Sorry I couldn’t get back here earlier, I just…” Jared slumps further down in his chair. His run in with Mercedes drained him more than he thought it would and he’d gone home to take the nap he’d missed when his mom had called.

Of course, he’d dreamed about the guy from the pond so that made him feel slightly better about his day. 

“Well, we had no homophobic employees to deal with,” Genevieve quips, “so it was probably a little dull compared to yours.”

“Hey,” a voice says and they both look up to see Katie grinning at them. “I’m done for the night so I’m gonna take off. Everything’s pretty much done, so I’ll see you guys Monday.”

“Okay, thanks, Katie. Have a good weekend.” He rolls his eyes. “Or what’s left of it anyway.”

Genevieve follows her to the door and they say their own goodbyes and Genevieve locks the door once Katie has left.

“That new guy you hired stopped by to see Danni,” she says as she spins around to face Jared again. “She told him to just show up at some point on Monday.”

Jared nods. “Yeah, that’s cool. Did you talk to him?”

“Just introduced myself, nothing elaborate.”

Jared makes a face. “Did he seem nice?”

“Quiet,” Genevieve says after a few seconds of thought. “Almost shy. Hot, though.”

Jared cocks an eyebrow. “Really?”

Genevieve just smiles and Jared thinks of the guy he met at the pond and wishes he’d at least gotten a name. He wonders if the guy will be there if he goes to the park again the next morning. 

Jared rests his chin on his hand and gazes at his friend. “You think I’m doing the right thing? Taking this guy on?”

“I think he needs someone to take a chance on him. You should know all about that.”

Jared nods. He remembers well the numerous visits to countless banks before someone decided to take the risk and gave him the money he needed to start up _Jay’s Pad._

Genevieve puts the mop and bucket away. “He and Danni seem really close, though, so I’d be more worried about her maternal instincts coming out to play.”

“Yeah, she said he’s had a tough time of it lately.”

He doesn’t want to tell all of Jensen’s secrets to someone the guy doesn’t even know, but he thinks that, maybe, if at least one other person knows something about the crappy life the guy has had, things might go a little more smoothly. Though, considering Genevieve and Danneel are good friends, Jared thinks it’s safe to assume that the brunette knows at least a little about Jensen’s life.

“Poor guy, maybe I’ll give him a hug next time I see him.”

With that, Genevieve kisses Jared’s cheek and gathers her things.

///

Jared stays at the park for hours on Sunday morning, growing more bored with each passing minute, but the guy from the day before doesn’t show. 

When he gets back to his house a little after three in the afternoon, there’s an angry message from his mother on the answering machine, demanding to know where he is and calling him the polite version of an ungrateful brat for not supporting his brother.

Jared hits the delete button and considers barbeque for dinner.

**Chapter 2**

There’s a guy standing outside the front door of the shop when Jared arrives on Monday morning.

He’s leaning against the wall, one leg propped up, looking for all the world like it’s six o’clock at night and not six o’clock in the morning.

“We don’t open for another three hours,” Jared calls loudly as he fishes his keys out of the pocket of his jeans.

The guy’s head snaps up. “Uh, yeah, I know. I’m supposed to start here today?”

He phrases it like a question, but Jared doesn’t know how he’s supposed to reply. He’s too busy staring, because he knows this guy, this guy who is apparently Danneel’s friend, Jensen.

“Hi,” Jared says, even lamer than Saturday morning and Jensen blushes, shuffling his feet like he’s nervous.

“Hello again,” Jensen replies. “I’m sorry, I was a little bit slow on the uptake the other day, I wouldn’t have been so rude if I had known who you were. It was only later, when I called by to see Danneel that I connected the dots. Jared with the coffee shop.” He points up at the sign. “ _Jay’s Pad_.”

Jared breathes out. “Yeah, I didn’t…I didn’t really get those dots.” He chuckles and rolls his eyes at himself. “I swear I’m not usually this pathetic. Come on inside and let me make you a coffee and we can talk.”

Jensen just smiles and follows Jared into the darkened shop.

Jared turns on the lights over the barista station and asks Jensen to right the chairs that Genevieve placed on top of the tables on Saturday night while she mopped the floor while he starts the coffee machine.

“How do you take your coffee?” he asks as he waits for it to drip.

“Cream and a lot of sugar,” Jensen answers and Jared blinks, a little surprised, though he doesn’t know why. Jensen catches the surprised expression on Jared’s face and blushes, casting his gaze down to the table.

“Kinda the only thing I have left, you know?” he says in a small voice. “At least this addiction probably won’t kill me.”

Jared wants to press for details, to find out exactly what happened, what exactly Jensen was addicted to and why he chose to go down that road, but he swallows the words.

It really isn’t any of his business. He might be Jensen’s boss now, but it doesn’t feel right to just come out and ask Jensen questions about his past; in fact, it makes him feel guilty and wrong. Jensen’s here, trying to get his life back on track, the least Jared can do is give him the benefit of the doubt and leave the probing, personal attacks and questions until they know each other a little better.

Or, in the worst case scenario, Jensen does something that means Jared will have to act.

He’s sort of hoping that doesn’t happen.

He finishes their coffees – a strong cappuccino with an extra shot for him because he has a feeling he might need the extra boost – and adds cream and a bunch of sugar packets to the tray and carries it all over to the table.

“Thank you,” Jensen says honestly and Jared watches in amazement as he dumps five sugar packets into his cup and tops it off with cream. “Sweet tooth,” he says and gives Jared a small grin.

Jared clears his throat. “So, listen, you know you don’t have to start this early, right? I really wasn’t expecting you until Danneel showed up.” He’s not even sure why, he just assumed that Jensen would work the same shift as Danneel.

Jensen’s blush returns. “Like I said at the park, I don’t really sleep much. When Danneel said that you were always here at this time, I thought it was perfect, you know?”

Jared nods slowly, understanding dawning. “You don’t like to be alone, do you?”

Jared wonders if that blush is going to become a permanent fixture on Jensen’s face as he makes another appearance.

“Not really,” he answers, “too much time to think, you know?” He looks around the empty shop. “But…if you really don’t want me here, I can come back later.”

Jared takes a deep breath. “The only reason I come in at this hour is to get most of the baking down, so I guess you could help?”

Jensen sits up straight in his chair. “Baking? You bake everything yourself?”

Jared frowns. “Yeah, mostly. I mean, mostly it’s just cupcakes and a few pies, usually different flavors every day and sometimes cookies if I’m feeling adventurous and I have enough time. We don’t offer a lot, because the people who own the bakery down the street are really good friends of mine and I don’t like feeling like I’m competing with them.” He cocks his head to one side and takes in the grin on Jensen’s face. “Why? You like to bake?”

“I love baking,” Jensen admits. “When I was-” he cuts himself off and looks up at Jared through his lashes. “Danneel told you everything, right?”

Jared squirms a little. “Well, not _everything_ , but yeah, I know…I know you’ve had a rough time.”

Jensen smiles bitterly. “Understatement,” he grumbles. “But, when I was in rehab, they – the counselors, therapists, doctors, whatever – they tried to come up with ways of keeping us busy, keep our minds of…things. Baking was something I found that I was good at. Something I enjoyed a lot.”

Jared purses his lips. It’s no secret amongst those who work at the coffee shop that what Jared makes is pretty damn good and his customers seem to like his stuff.

But it’s also not a secret that Jared’s range is limited, cupcakes and pies whose fillings depend on what fruit has been delivered that day.

Having someone around who not only likes to bake, but is also good at it, would allow the shop to offer a bigger selection as well as enticing more people inside.

Making sure, of course, that they don’t impinge on Alona’s customer base.

Whether Jensen’s got any actual baking skills or if it’s nothing more than enthusiasm remains to be seen, but Jared’s willing to give him a shot.

Jared takes a sip of his coffee. “Okay, how about we do a trail run for the week?” he suggests. “You work, say, six until one? You can help with the baking until the store opens and then…”

“Kitchen hand?” Jensen fills in with a grin when Jared fails to find the words and Jared cringes.

“Danni really didn’t sugar coat that at all, did she?”

“Jared, I really don’t care that I’m gonna be a ‘glorified dishwasher’,” Jensen says, complete with air quotes, “I just…need something stable. A routine more than anything.” He winks. “Some cash would be nice, though.”

“I’ll pay you cash for the week, make sure you want to stick around, then we’ll put you through the books after that,” Jared explains. “Sound fair?”

Jensen spreads his arms wide. “Dude, it’s not like I’m in any sort of position to complain about anything.”

Jared chooses to ignore that, getting to his feet with his coffee cup in one hand and motioning for Jensen to follow him with the other. “Come on, let’s get some paperwork filled out and then we can get started.”

///

Almost three hours later, Jared’s sort of in awe.

“Damn,” his whispers reverently as he stares at the croissants, the carrot cake that Jensen had baked from scratch (and he’s really hoping that Danneel wasn’t planning on using those carrots for anything) and the several different varieties of cookies, from regular chocolate chips to something Jensen concocted with some kind of nuts and melted Rolos, and some sort of rolled up cake-thing with jam in the middle.

“Uh, okay, I’m just gonna offer you a full time job right now,” Jared says and Jensen laughs. 

“Come on, man, I haven’t even done anything yet.”

Jared waves his hands in the air. “Are you kidding? I never would have been able to come up with anything like this.”

Jensen eyes Jared’s still unfrosted cupcakes. “You didn’t do so bad yourself.”

“I’m capable enough, but Jensen, this is…this is amazing.”

Jared’s getting used to making Jensen blush, he likes seeing how many different things he can say and do to make it appear.

“It’s easy when you love what you do,” Jensen says softly. “Like you.”

Jared frowns. “What do you mean?”

“What you said at the park the other day. If you love what you do, it just…works. I’ve been by this place a lot in the last few months. It’s always full of people, there’s always a line at the counter. You’ve made this place into somewhere people want to hang out. And it looks like a great place to work.”

It’s Jared’s turn to blush and he turns away from Jensen’s intense green gaze to start on the frosting for the cupcakes. “Well, we’ll just see if you still think that in a month’s time, when you’ve made so many cookies and pies and cupcakes that you’ve lost count.”

“I told you, you can’t get tired of doing what you love.”

In that split second, Jared can see himself falling for Jensen and he silently curses himself for being such an idiot, because Jensen really isn’t in the right mindset to be thinking about dating

Even a one night stand is out of the question because they work together and unless Jared decides to abandon this ship for one of the others in his fleet, that won’t change any time soon.

Jared’s saved from having to come up with a response to Jensen’s statement by Danneel’s voice floating across the empty space.

“Hi! I’m so sorry I’m late,” she says, her voice full of guilt. “I was supposed to meet Jensen to give him a ride, but he wasn’t where we were supposed to meet and he doesn’t like me going by the shelter and I’m not getting into that right now, but now he’s not answering his phone and I’m freaking out a little. Or, you know, a lot.”

Jared looks at his watch and sees that it’s past nine o’clock, the rest of the staff should be showing up at any minute.

“I left my phone in my jacket pocket,” Jensen admits softly.

“Which is currently residing in my office,” Jared finishes with a roll of his eyes.

“Oh!” Danneel squeaks when she finally makes it to the kitchen.

“You never told me Jensen was such an amazing baker,” Jared says loudly, trying to fill the suddenly awkward silence.

Danneel ignores him, her eyes on Jensen. “You’ve been here all morning?”

Jensen growls under his breath. “Jesus, Dee.”

“I’m sorry! I just worry about you!”

“I’m clean, Danneel! Stop thinking I’m going to run out and get high every time you leave me alone.”

Jared takes a step back, out from between the warring pair as Danneel tries to apologize and Jensen tries to hold on to his temper.

“I’m sorry, Jensen, but we’ve been through this before. You said you were clean once before and you fell off the wagon harder than I thought possible.”

“That was…that was a mistake,” Jensen admits, quieter this time. He lets out a guilt filled laugh. “Should have known not to call my sister on her cell phone on a Sunday.”

Danneel sort of deflates, all her anger and upset draining out of her as quick as it had built up. “Is it so wrong that I want you to be okay?”

Jensen cups the side of her face with his hand, his expression sad but determined at the same time. “No, but you have to trust me, Danneel. You have to trust that I’m not going to do anything stupid just because you’ve left me alone for a couple hours. You have to trust that I’m good now, otherwise I’m just going to start hating and resenting you and the last thing I want is to lose you.”

Watching them from the other side of the kitchen, Jared has to force his eyes away from the honest display of affection. If Danneel hadn’t already revealed Jensen’s sexuality, Jared would be convince that they were a couple, the way they gaze at each other with such undisguised love.

They hug, Jensen transferring flour from his own t-shirt to Danneel’s and when they part, his eyes land on Jared and that delightful blush makes another appearance.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, turning back to the counter and the dough he has ready for another batch of cookies. Jared thinks these ones are oatmeal raisin. He’ll have to talk with Genevieve about displaying them.

“No need to apologize,” Jared assures them both. “Danneel mentioned how close y’all are. I get it.”

Danneel clears her throat. “Still not exactly the kind of display we should be putting on at work.”

“I’ll forgive you if you frost my cupcakes.”

That, Danneel should be able to manage.

“Sure, I’ll just go put my stuff away.”

She gives Jared a pointed look, which he assumes means he’s supposed to follow her.

Jensen chuckles and Jared’s eyes snap back to see that he’s still got his back to them. 

“I’ve known that woman for more than twelve years. I know when she wants to talk about me behind my back.”

“Promise I’ll tell you everything she says.”

That gets a reaction and Jensen turns back around to face Jared, his eyes and expression clouded and hard to read.

Jared just waves awkwardly and follows his cook.

“Was he really here all morning?” Danneel asks as soon as Jared closes the door to his office behind him.

“He was waiting outside when I got here. Come on, Danneel, do you really think I would lie for him?”

Danneel chews on her lower lip for a second. “Maybe? I don’t know! I know he’s got that weird thing going for him that makes everyone he meets want to take care of him.”

Jared snorts, conceding her point.

“He was really waiting outside for you this morning?” Danneel asks with a grimace. “I told him you always started work at six but the shop didn’t open until nine-thirty. I figured I’d bring him with me at nine, which is why I told him to meet me.”

“I guess it’s not really surprising that he wants to start early, considering he doesn’t really sleep much.”

Danneel’s eyes widen. “Wow, you guys really bonded.”

“Uh, yeah, I suppose we did.” Jared fights his blush. “But, uh, we actually met before this morning.”

Danneel straightens up from her slump against his desk. “What? You did? When?”

“At the park on Saturday. We got to talking before Cindy called about that thing with Mercedes.”

“Oh, well that’s good, I guess.” She says it like she’s not sure, like it’s something she needs to be worried about, but then she looks up at Jared through her lashes, coy and flirtatious, even though she knows there’s really no point to flirting with Jared.

“So, are you gonna take him on?”

Jared barks a laugh. “Are you kidding me? Of course I am! If I don’t hire him, Alona’s gonna snap him up so fast his head’ll spin!”

Danneel almost looks like she’s embarrassed by Jared’s statement. “Jensen’s stuff is good?”

Jared gapes at her. “You haven’t tried it?!”

“I’m a girl!” she exclaims, like it’s a valid excuse. “I don’t really do desserts, especially the very, very fattening kind that Jensen likes to make.”

Jared points towards the kitchen. “Go have one of his cookies.”

“At nine in the morning?!”

“Yes, and that’s an order. And then get started on whatever special you’re making for today.”

“I was thinking carrot and coriander soup?” she suggests as she takes off her jacket.

Jared winces. “Jensen’s carrot cake might make you think again.”

Danneel lets out a frustrated noise as she leaves, slamming the door loudly behind her while Jared just laughs.

/// 

Jensen’s first week goes better than Jared could have possibly imagined. His cookies and cakes go over well with the customers; so well in fact, that Jared increases the number Jensen makes every morning by his third day, much to Jensen’s delight.

Jensen gets on well with the rest of the staff, too, though Jared doesn’t really want to know what Danneel would have said or done to anyone who had a problem with Jensen.

Matt takes Jensen under his wing on that first Monday, showing him the ropes of working the tables and dealing with customers. Though Jensen’s job mostly involves him bussing tables and washing dishes, Jared can’t argue that it’s probably a good idea for him to be trained in everything else, too. Being short staffed isn’t something that’s ever been predictable. At least Jared has someone else to fall back on now.

For his part, Jensen seems to settle in well. Sure, he’s a little quiet and shy when he’s talking to people and he doesn’t offer much in the way of personal information – unsurprisingly – but he seems happy and that’s all that Jared really cares about.

“I think he likes it here,” Genevieve says, her voice soft. It’s Saturday night and she and Jared are the only two people left in the shop, Jared in his office while he works on next month’s roster while Genevieve finishes closing up.

Jared glances up from the spreadsheet in front of him to find her lounging in the doorway to his office. He gives her a bright smile.

“Yeah, he’s starting to be a part of the family,” he says and turns back to his work.

“He seems…lonely.”

That causes Jared to startle and spin around to face her again, trying to gauge her feelings. Only Jared and Danneel know everything about Jensen’s past – even though Jared really doesn’t know much – and he’s vowed to keep it that way until Jensen decides otherwise. He doesn’t know how to talk to Genevieve about anything she’s noticed.

She gives Jared a tight smile. “I mean, I know he and Danneel are friends and he talks about those guys in that band, but that seems to be it, you know? He never talks about his family or visiting them. He seems to like getting out of the house and interacting with new people.”

“He’s gay, Gen,” Jared says brightly, winking at her when she glares at him.

“Yes, thank you, boss man, I know that. I was there when Lauren asked him out on Wednesday.”

Jared’s eyes widen. “What?! Why didn’t I know about this? What happened?”

Genevieve shrugs. “She’d been fawning all over him since he started. She finally asked him to have dinner at her place on Wednesday. He turned a really pretty shade of red when he informed her that he was gay. Lauren cried a little and me and Danni had to lock ourselves in the cold storage for a while because we couldn’t stop laughing.”

Jared just barely manages to restrain himself to a few chuckles as he pictures the look on Lauren’s face. She’s a nice girl, bright, but Jared knows she has a few boundary issues, so he’s not really surprised that she would hit on someone as good looking as Jensen, or be so upset when he rejected her, valid reason or not.

“But seriously though,” Genevieve goes on, “I like having him here. I’m glad you listened to Danni for once and took him on.”

Jared just nods again, happy that she’s okay with having Jensen as part of their staff, but he can’t help but wonder if she’d feel the same way if she knew about Jensen’s past, that he got out of rehab less than three months ago. It’s a horrible thing to think, because he’s known Genevieve for years, she’s his best friend and he knows everything about her.

But at the same time, people are unpredictable with their reactions to certain things, and Jared can never be sure.

Genevieve gives his shoulder a tight squeeze as she passes him by, collecting her jacket and purse from the filing cabinet in the corner of his office, the official unofficial staff lockers and Jared realizes that she should have left twenty minutes ago.

“By the way,” she says, once again leaning in the doorway and Jared gives her an expectant look. “You know he’s still here, right?”

“What?!” Jared jumps to his feet. “It’s after eight-thirty. Why is he still here?”

Genevieve offers nothing more than a shrug. “He’s in the shop, I’ll see you Monday.” 

Jared ignores her, his eyes on the doorway that leads to the main area of the coffee shop. With a deep breath, Jared closes down his computer and packs it away, gathering up the rest of his stuff – including the envelope with Jensen’s earnings for the week – and pushes away from his desk.

“Uh, hi,” Jensen says guiltily when he sees Jared watching him from the doorway of his office. He’s been baking while Jared had been holed up in his office by the looks of things, and now he’s filling the fridges under the front counter with the goodies he’s made.

“What’s going on?” Jared asks, confused.

“Um, I thought…well, I figured, banoffee pie for tomorrow’s special? Something a little bit different. And…and I was here, so I thought I’d get a head start, so that I could make more cookies in the morning and maybe red velvet cupcakes? I checked with Alona and she doesn’t make cupcakes at all, so we don’t have to worry about stealing trade off of her, so I thought we’d branch out a little.”

Jared can’t help but smile at Jensen’s babbling, nervous speech, but he’s concerned as well. Jensen hasn’t been nervous around Jared since that first morning, and even then, it was nothing like this, and Jared wonders if the reason for it has something to do with the fact that Jensen’s still at the shop more than six hours after his shift ended.

“Jensen,” he calls, amused when Jensen’s mouth snaps closed. “The shop is closed tomorrow. We don’t open on Sundays.”

Jensen’s face falls. He looks absolutely devastated and Jared would give anything to make that look go away.

He holds out a hand. “Come and sit down.” He’s more than a little surprised when Jensen takes his hand, but he doesn’t comment on it, just leads Jensen out to the front of the shop, to one of the tables, where he rights the chairs before guiding Jensen into one of them.

“Talk to me, Jensen. What’s going on? What are you still doing here?”

Jensen looks down at his hands resting on the table. “Routine’s supposed to be a good thing for recovering addicts. And I had a good routine, until lately.”

Jared frowns. “Jensen, if being here isn’t working out for you, I understand.”

Jensen head snaps up. “No! No, that’s…I love being here. Even after only a week, this job has helped me so much.”

“Okay, so what changed?”

Jensen cringes, like he’s embarrassed. “Danneel has a date.”

Jared blinks, surprised. “Um, I thought…Danneel said that you were gay. Does she know that you…”

Jensen laughs, the sound a little hysterical. “No, it’s not that. I _am_ gay, that’s not what I mean. Ever since I got out of rehab, Dee and I have dinner together every night. I don’t like spending much time at the shelter, it’s not…well, it’s not the best place to be. I usually go over to her place after she gets off work, since you won’t let me finish the same time as her.” He gives Jared a side-eyed look.

“Jensen, I’m not having you working twelve-hour shifts every day. You’ll kill yourself before the month is out,” Jared scolds. “And we’re gonna have a talk about today.” But Jared’s starting to understand the reasons behind Jensen still being at the shop at almost nine at night, despite starting at six that morning.

“Anyway, it’s a routine,” Jensen continues, “one that I’ve come to rely on. Combined with this job, even though it’s only been a week, it’s been good for me. But yesterday, Danneel told me that someone asked her out on a date. She’s been so good to me, I felt like a complete asshole for even thinking about asking to her not to go. So, she went, and I’m…lost, I guess.” He sighs, looking down at his hands again. “I didn’t really think about how lost I’d be without that normality. Just the thought of going back to the shelter was…yeah.” He shrugs. “So I thought I’d stay here and do some stuff.”

“And tomorrow?” Jared presses. “You never realized that Danneel never works on Sundays?”

“Sunday is the day I spend with my friend Christian. I never see her anyway. It never occurred to me that she wouldn’t be at work.”

Jared recognizes the name as one of the guys in the band that Danneel toured Texas with and he figures that he and Jensen must be really good friends.

“I spend Saturday night with Danneel, sleep on her couch, and then Chris picks me up on Sunday morning so that Danni can…do whatever it is she does now that I know she isn’t working.”

“And tonight?” Jared asks. Jensen’s eyes widen slightly and Jared shrugs. “I don’t know a lot about you, Jensen, but I would have thought you’d be able to manage one night alone. You’re a survivor, a fighter. You’d make yourself be okay for one night.”

Jensen nods. “Chris and Steve have a show in Oklahoma. That’s Chris’ home state and his parents still live there. They’re playing the city tonight and then going back to his mama’s and staying for a couple days.”

“You didn’t wanna go with them? I know you toured with them when Danneel did. I would have given you the time off if you’d asked.”

“I don’t…I don’t tour anymore.” Jensen’s voice shakes. “That’s not exactly the kind of environment a recovering addict needs to be in. It might just be booze and weed, maybe ecstasy if someone’s feeling adventurous, but it’s way too easy to get caught up and sucked down again.”

“Wow, I never really thought about it like that,” Jared says. “I guess I just assumed that, since they were your friends, they would have made sure everything was okay for you.”

“Chris and Steve are my friends,” Jensen insists, “the rest of the rest of the guys in the band aren’t and I can’t really expect them to change everything just for me. Besides, a lot of the time the band plays in bars and clubs, where the drugs flow as free as the alcohol. Believe me, I know.”

Jared can’t imagine what it must be like to be addicted to something like Jensen was. Is? He gets the feeling that it was more than alcohol, but he also thinks that there might have been a reason behind why the addiction started in the first place, more than just easy access while Jensen was touring.

Jared really hopes that he can talk about it with Jensen one day, when they actually become friends. He wants to help Jensen more than he’s wanted anything.

Right now, it isn’t Jared’s place, but he can do something else.

“Why don’t you come back to my place?” he suggests, trying to make it sound as causal as possible, but Jensen still looks up at him, surprised.

“What? But…why? Aren’t you…don’t you have plans?”

“No.” Jared isn’t ashamed by the fact that he has no plans on a Saturday night. He’s not the kind of person who just dates for the sake of it. He’d rather get to know someone before asking them on a date, that way, the first date isn’t awkward and uncomfortable.

If Jared is honest with himself, it’s part of the reason he’s asking Jensen to spend some time with him. He already knows he likes Jensen when they’re at work, and Jensen is hot, he’d like to know if they still get along in a more social setting.

Though, Jared’s house is less social and more private, but whatever.

It takes Jensen a second to realize that Jared’s serious about not having any plans, but then he’s nodding his head slowly, like he’s just coming to terms with the idea that spending some time alone with Jared is better than just being alone.

“Do you…can I bring anything?”

Jared shakes his head. “Just grab one of those pies you made. We can order take-out or something.”

Jensen pauses for another second before he nods his head and gets to his feet and Jared lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.

“Alight,” Jensen says, his words sounding careful and measured, “let me just finish cleaning up and we can head out.”

“Oh, hey, this is for you.” Jared holds out the envelope with Jensen’s money.

Jensen hesitates. “What…what is it?”

“It’s your wages for this week. Next week, we’ll get you put through the books and the money’ll go straight into your bank account.”

Jensen draws his hand back before he takes the envelope. “Uh, can you…can you keep it here? Just until Monday and I can put it in the bank?”

Jared frowns. “Yeah, sure, I can do that. No problem.”

“Thanks, I just don’t like having cash lying around at the shelter, you know?”

Jared takes the money and leads Jensen through the kitchen and back to the office, making sure Jensen watches as Jared puts the envelope into the safe with the rest of the day’s takings. 

“Is it really that bad?” Jared can’t help asking. “The shelter?”

Jensen shrugs. “It’s got a lot of unsavory people, you know? It’s supposed to be a place where you can pick yourself up, try to get your life back on track, because you know you have somewhere safe to go to at the end of the day, just until you get enough money for a place of your own.”

“But it doesn’t work that way?”

“A lot of the guys who get out of rehab, they didn’t want to be in there in there in the first place. So, when they get out, the only thing they care about is their next fix and the cash to get it.”

“Ah,” Jared nods, understanding. “Well, if you even need me to keep anything for you in the safe, or at my place, just let me know.”

“Thanks,” Jensen smiles and then nods his head back towards the kitchen. “Suppose I should tidy this place up so that we can get out of here.”

“I’ll give you a hand.”

It doesn’t take them long to clean up the few remaining things from Jensen’s baking spree and forty minutes later, they’re climbing into Jared’s car, one of Jensen’s pies balanced carefully on his lap.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stop by your place and get some things?” Jared asks as he puts the key in the ignition.

Jensen turns a little in his seat. “You got a shower?”

“Yeah.”

“You got somewhere I can wash my clothes and something I can wear while I do that?”

Jared considers him for a second. “They’ll be a little big on you, but, yeah.”

“Then I’m set.”

Jared stares at him for another few seconds before he allows himself to smile.

“Let’s go, then.”

///

The drive back to Jared’s house is made in silence and Jared’s glad he chose to drive to work that morning. Normally he walks, enjoying the time to himself as he psyches himself up for the day ahead, or winds down from a hectic workload.

Now he’s just glad he can get back to his home as quickly as possible. Jensen seems uneasy about being in the car – or maybe it’s being alone with Jared, despite their early morning shifts. Jared’s hoping that some take-out and a slice of Jensen’s awesome pie might be exactly what Jensen needs.

Sadie’s barking when they get to the front door, obviously smelling a visitor to her home and Jared’s glad that Jensen has already met Sadie and she likes the other man, so he doesn’t have to worry about any sort of conflict.

“Hey, girl!” Jensen says brightly as soon as he’s through the door. He gets down on his knees in the middle of Jared’s living room and lets the dog crawl into his lap.

And right there, Jared falls a little bit more.

“I’ll um…” he clears his throat, “I’ll let the two of you get reacquainted while I get the menus and put the pie in the fridge.” Jensen barely acknowledges him and Jared takes the pie from him shakes his head with an exasperated sigh.

They settle on Indian take-out, Jared opting for lamb rogan while Jensen plays it safe with chicken korma and they add rice and naan bread to their order to share between them.

“I have soda and milk and water, so you can just grab whatever you want,” Jared offers when he hangs up from placing their order and he turns just in time to see Jensen let out a breath.

Jared retraces his words, trying to figure out what it was he’d said that caused that reaction, but then it dawns on him – he hadn’t offered Jensen alcohol like a regular guy might have.

“That wasn’t…I didn’t mean…” he stammers and takes a deep breath. “I didn’t do that on purpose, not offer you a beer or whatever I mean.”

“I know, that’s what made it better,” Jensen says, averting his eyes and rubbing a hand across the back of his neck. “You didn’t do it just because you think I shouldn’t be drinking alcohol.”

Jared pauses, suddenly remembering that he doesn’t know the circumstances behind Jensen’s trip to rehab or the substances that he was addicted to.

For all Jared knows, Jensen could have been addicted to sex or TV or something else that’s not drugs or alcohol.

Or, then again, maybe it was a combination of everything.

Jared clears his throat once again, trying to dismiss the awkward tension that’s suddenly built up between them. “Um, well, just help yourself to whatever you want. The food shouldn’t be too long, so I’m just gonna go and get something for you to change into and then you can throw those clothes in the washer.”

Jensen’s head cocks to the side and Jared finds himself unconsciously mimicking the movement.

“What?”

“You’re not even gonna ask? What I was in rehab for?”

Jared considers that for a second, considers coming right out and asking – demanding – that Jensen reveal everything.

But he shakes his head instead. He’d meant what he’d said to Danneel. It didn’t matter what Jensen had done or his reasons for going to the clinic. He’s clean and healthy now – if slightly underweight – and that’s all Jared cared about.

That and the incredible treats Jensen can bake on any given day.

“No,” Jared answers, finally noticing that his prolonged silence as the considered the question had only served to make Jensen even more nervous than he already was.

Now, Jensen looks shocked, staring at Jared with wide eyes, his fingers buried in Sadie’s fur. “But…why?”

“Well, mostly because I don’t think it’s any of my business. You’ll tell me if and when you want me to know and I’m not gonna ask you.”

Jensen chews on his lower lip for a few seconds before he breaks into a genuine smile that lights up his whole face. His grip on Sadie relaxes and Jared finds himself breathing a little easier.

“You’re something else, Jared,” Jensen informs him quietly and Jared ducks his head.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

He leaves before he can say anything else, scurrying up the stairs to his bedroom and trying to find some clothes.

Finally, after a few minutes of frantic searching, Jared comes up with a few pairs of jeans and sweatpants that are too short for him and some newer t-shirts that Jared knows are going to be too big for Jensen, but he can’t seem to bring himself to make Jensen wear something old and shrunk short from too many washes. After another few minutes of staring into his sock and underwear drawer, Jared hastily hides some clean socks and boxers underneath the t-shirts.

He takes another deep breath and goes back to the living room.

“Okay, um, here you go.” He thrusts the pile of clothes into Jensen’s arms, taking note of the startled look on his face. “You can change in the guest room; it’s just down the hall. It has its own bathroom, so you don’t have to worry about running into anyone.”

Jensen cocks his eyebrow. “Anyone?” he repeats with an amusing lilt to his voice.

“Well, me, I mean.” Jared clears his throat. “I don’t know when the food will get here, but you can take a shower if you want. I’ll keep it warm until you’re done.”

Jensen gives him another one of those smiles. “That would be great, thanks.”

Jared just nods and watches him go. 

“The towels in the cupboard under the sink!” he remembers at the last second, just before Jensen shuts the door.

Sadie lets out a yip and Jared glares at her. He can’t help but think she’s laughing at him.

///

The food arrives before Jensen re-emerges from the bedroom, so Jared keeps his promise and puts it in the oven to keep warm.

He busies himself with gathering plates and glasses, pitchers of water and soda because he doesn’t know which Jensen will want, and sets it all out on the coffee table in the living room.

He’s searching through his collection for a suitable movie by the time Jensen does return, dressed in a pair of gray sweatpants that hang over his feet and a light blue _Nike_ t-shirt.

Jared notices that he’s rubbing his arms.

“Are you cold?”

Jensen nods. “Side effect of the addiction; lost too much body fat and muscle mass.”

Jared forces himself to look at Jensen with clear eyes, chasing away the lust that he’s been feeling since they were at the shop. He wouldn’t say that Jensen is vastly underweight, but he definitely doesn’t have the muscle mass that Jared would expect for a man of Jensen’s height and age.

“I’ll, uh, I’ll get you something to wear. Can you get the food from the oven?”

Jensen nods softly and his mouth twists in embarrassment. 

“Thank you,” Jared hears Jensen mumble just before he turns to go back up the stairs again.

It takes him a while to find something suitable for Jensen to wear. Jared isn’t the kind of person to get cold, so he mostly just has coats and jackets and none of them are really suitable for lounging around on the couch. Finally, he spots an old Cowboys hoodie at the back of his closet, a gift from someone in college, if Jared remembers correctly, one that he’s never really worn.

Back downstairs again, and this time, Jared finds Jensen sitting in front of the coffee table, the food spread out before him.

“It’s gonna drown you,” Jared warns as he hands the gray and blue hoodie to Jensen, “but it’s all I have and at least it’s warm. But if you tell me you don’t like the Cowboys, you are shit out of luck, man.”

Jensen chuckles. “You’re safe on that one.”

He struggles into the sweatshirt as Jared digs into the food.

“Oh, sorry, forgot about the movie,” Jared mumbles with his mouthful and gets up to put the disc in the player. “ _Bourne_ okay with you?”

Jensen shrugs. “Haven’t seen many movies in the last…God, I don’t even know. I don’t even remember the last time I went to the movies.”

Jared blinks at him. “Are you serious?”

He shrugs again. “I, uh…I kinda had other priorities back then. Other things to spend my money on.”

Jared doesn’t push for more details, just gives Jensen a tight smile and hits the ‘play’ button. “I am going to make it my own personal mission to make sure that you see all the greatest movies of the last…” he squints at Jensen, trying to figure out how long the addiction might have consumed his life, “five years?” he guesses and Jensen smiles.

“Best make it ten, just to be safe.”

Jared nods, though he’s not actually sure Jensen’s being serious. He doubts very much that Danneel would have stood by and watched her friend struggle with his demons for a decade.

Which might mean that Jensen has ulterior motives; that maybe he just wants to spend time with Jared, and that thought warms Jared’s heart a little.

Alright, a lot.

///

They’re on the second film of the series, the food plates and cartons have been cleared away and both of them are curled up on either end of the couch with Sadie snoring between them.

It’s nice, Jared thinks, relaxing, almost normal, to have Jensen here, to have company. It’s like Jensen was the missing piece in his life and he’s finally come home where he belongs. 

Jared considers the fact that he’s insane. He’s falling for Jensen, even though they’ve spent only a few hours together, and he knows that there is no way that Jensen is ready for any sort of relationship. But the little that he does know about Jensen has just left him wanting to know more, to spend more time with the older man, with the hopes that maybe, one day, Jensen will want the same things that Jared does.

Hey, he can dream, right?

“Can I ask you a question?” Jensen says suddenly, dragging Jared out of his contemplation. He looks at the screen just in time to see the car plunge into the river. Jason Bourne is staring at the face of his now-dead girlfriend and Jared just nods, wondering what sort of question this scene could possibly provoke.

“You remember that day we met?” Jensen starts “In the park?”

Jared nods again; it’s not a day he’s likely to forget any time soon.

“You got a phone call, and I know it’s none of my business, but you seemed upset, so I was just wondering what it was about?” Jensen goes on. “At the time, because I didn’t know you, I just assumed it was a work thing, but-”

“It was work,” Jared confirms, and little too forcefully and it makes Jensen frown, but Jared goes on before he can speak. “It was one of the managers of one of my other restaurants. She had a problem with a customer. A member of my staff, well, former member, I should say, refused service to him and his partner because they were gay. I had to go and fire her and give the customers a couple of meals on the house to stop them going to the papers. The last thing that somewhere like _Elta’s_ needs is bad publicity after all the amazing write-ups we’ve gotten in the last few months.”

“God,” Jensen breathes out, “that must have been tough. Can’t imagine dealing with something like that.” Something about what Jared said must register with Jensen just then, because he turns to look at Jared with wide eyes. “You…you own _Elta’s_?”

Jared can’t help the proud little smile that crosses his face. “She’s one of my babies, yeah.”

Jensen lets out a startled laugh. “God, I can’t believe you own that place. You realize that Elta is…”

“Danneel’s real first name, yeah,” Jared finishes for him. “The place is named after her, since she was the one who gave me the idea about starting a high class restaurant and seeing what happened. I offered her the job as the head chef, but she said that it was a little too ambitious for her, so I named it after her instead.”

“She never told me, the little brat. I used to make fun of her for someone stealing her name and she never said anything.” Jensen’s eyes shine with happiness.

“She’s a very loyal person. Not a lot of people know it’s my name above the door of that place, so she just keeps it to herself. It’s kinda hard to tell people that you have a restaurant named after you when you can’t tell them how or why.”

“I guess that’s a good point.” He looks up at Jared again. “Do you-”

“Hey!” Jared says, too quickly, cutting Jensen off. “We should go there for dinner some night.”

Jensen cocks his head to the side. “What?”

“To _Elta’s_ , you me and Danneel. She designed the place, you know, the interior, I mean. I’m sure she’d like to show off for you.”

Jensen squirms a little, confusing Jared. “Are you serious? I’ve never…I’ve never been in a place like that, couldn’t really afford for one thing, plus, I’m not exactly the kind of person people want to see in restaurants like that.”

Jared bounces a little, a huge grin splitting his face. “See, that’s the best part. I own that place, so I can go in in my fucking boxer shorts and no one could do anything about it.” He blushes. “Not that I’ve ever actually gone in my underwear, but Danneel and I did have dinner there about a year ago. We went straight after work one Saturday, smelly and dirty, flour and all kinds of crap all over our clothes. The looks on these rich snobs faces was priceless.”

Jensen’s laughing along with him, picturing the scene and Jared is suddenly struck dumb by his attraction to Jensen and he’s in motion before he can stop himself.

Jared leans forward and presses his lips to Jensen’s.

The kiss is soft, sweet, almost innocent despite everything and Jared likes it.

But then Jensen pulls back and Jared suddenly remembers why this is such a huge mistake.

Jensen has problems, serious issues that he’s still dealing with and the last thing he needs is an idiot like Jared trying to force him into a relationship that he might not want.

“I…I’m sorry,” Jared stammers, “I didn’t meant to…shit, I’m such an idiot. I’m sorry, I’m just gonna…” Jared pushes himself to his feet. “I’ll just see you in the morning.”

He escapes up to his room before he can humiliate himself anymore, shutting the door firmly before collapsing face first on the bed.

“I am the world’s biggest bastard.”

///

Jared wakes up early the next morning after a restless night spent tossing and turning, agonizing over what he’d done and wondering how much it had ruined his friendship with Jensen.

He stays in bed as long as possible, staring at the ceiling and finding lots of different ways to call himself an idiot until his stomach refuses to be ignored anymore and he has to face the music.

Jared’s expecting to go downstairs and find an empty house, but the lack of Sadie greeting him in the hallway, desperate in her need to get outside to empty her bladder, means that either Jensen took Sadie with him with he left, or Jared’s house guest is still in said house.

“Hey, you’re finally awake,” Jensen greets the second Jared steps into the kitchen. “I was starting to think I was gonna have to load Sadie up with reserves and go on a search and rescue mission.”

Jared glances at the clock on the wall and notices that it’s almost eleven o’clock. He can feel the blush stealing across his face.

“Uh, sorry, sorry. I don’t normally stay in bed for so long, but…”

“You were avoiding me?” Jensen fills in when Jared can’t find the words and Jared lets his silence speak for him.

“I acted like a complete douchebag last night and I’m sorry,” Jared says after a few minutes of painfully awkward silence. “The last thing I wanna do is make you feel uncomfortable, so I’ll understand if you don’t wanna hang around here. I’ll even stop coming in early at the coffee shop if that’s what it takes to make you happy.”

Jensen just smiles from where he’s sitting at the table in the middle of the kitchen. “I’m doing okay.”

Jared rubs at the back of his neck. “To be honest, I thought you’d be gone by now.”

“You think I’m the kinda guy who just runs out in the middle of the night?” Jensen says with a look in his eyes that Jared can’t be determined. Was he upset about the kiss? About Jared running away? Embarrassed because he doesn’t have _those_ types of feelings for Jared and he doesn’t know how to tell him?

Jared really wishes he had some sort of idea of the scene they’re playing.

“You said you don’t sleep much,” Jared says instead, skirting the issue like the coward he is. “I thought you would have been doing…whatever it is you do on your days off.”

“So far, this is the only day off I’ve had while working for you, so I don’t exactly have a set agenda. Plus, all my other friends have plans.” He smirks. “But you’re right; I have been up for a while. I took Sadie for a walk, went to the grocery store ‘cause you were running low on milk and some other stuff and when I got back, I got breakfast ready for when you got up.”

Jared gazes around the kitchen and notices for the first time the bowls and plates and frying pans all over the place.

“Pancakes?” he guesses and Jensen nods.

“If you want ‘em.”

Jared takes a deep breath. “Listen, Jensen, I’m sorry I-”

Jensen holds up a hand, cutting Jared off. “No, Jared, please let me…let me finish what I started to say last night.”

Jared blushes to the tips of his ears but he gives Jensen a resigned nod.

“It’s not that I don’t like you,” Jensen says carefully, “because I do. I like you a whole hell of a lot actually and I spent most of last night trying very hard not to kiss you senseless every time you looked at me like I was the only person in the world you cared about.”

Jared swallows hard, because…yeah, that’s pretty much the truth right there, but he stops himself from confirming Jensen’s suspicions, because he can sense a pretty huge ‘but’ coming and Jensen doesn’t disappoint him.

“But, there are some things I haven’t told you yet, Jared, things that I’m really going to have to explain because you need to know them if we’re really gonna do this.”

Jared lets a little bit of hope blossom in his chest at Jensen’s words, because he’s not saying ‘no’. He’s not saying ‘yes’ yet either, but at least it’s something Jared can hold onto.

“I’m just not ready to go there right now. I mean, it’s only been a week, Jared. That’s…that’s all it’s been. One week. I just don’t have that level of trust for you yet that would make me want to…”

He trails off and Jared crosses the space separating them, closing the distance until he can wrap Jensen up in a bone crushing hug.

“Hey, whatever it is, it’s cool, okay? We can take it as slow as you need to. I just want you to know that I’m here for you, whenever you need to talk, okay?”

“I _do_ trust you, Jared. You have to believe that.”

“I do,” Jared assures him.

“There’s just some stuff you need to know that I’m just not ready to tell, okay?”

“That’s fine. That’s completely fine. I’ll be here whenever you’re ready.”

Jensen smiles, an expression that looks almost hopeful and it makes Jared’s heart swell.

“Just, I don’t want you to…get bored with me or get bored waiting for me or whatever. That trust thing, it doesn’t…it isn’t just about telling you about my past.”

It takes Jared a few seconds before he figures out the meaning behind Jensen’s words.

“Hey,” he whispers, bumping Jensen’s nose with his own. “I’m not the kind of guy who just wants to jump into bed, okay?”

“No, no, I know you’re not,” Jensen’s quick to reassure.

“I’m not saying I don’t want you like that, because, have you seen you?” They both laugh. “But it’s not just about sex here, Jensen. I want something real, something permanent, and if that means waiting until you’re ready, well, then it’s not like it’s going to kill me, right?”

With a smile, Jensen reaches forward, pressing his lips to Jared in a slow, sweet kiss.

“Thank you.”

**Chapter 3**

Jared pushes open the door of _Colt’s_ – the first one, the one that’s not too far from Jared’s own place of business – and smiles when he sees the crowd gathered inside.

Every table is full, but unlike _Jay’s Pad_ , with its laidback atmosphere and comfy couches where people can curl up with a good book, _Colt’s_ always gives Jared the impression of people in a hurry. All the sleek chrome and black and white and red décor making the whole place look cold and clinical. 

It’s his own fault, that’s the way he and Genevieve designed the place, to be as different to _Jay’s Pad_ as possible, but Jared can honestly say that he hates the outcome, and he hates the fact that every _Colt’s_ is the same, the same theme, the same colors, cookie-cutter coffee shops, but, despite the money that the franchise brings in, Jared sometimes wishes that he’d prevented Stephen from expanding any further than the three shops that had been in existence when he stepped in.

Jared doesn’t spend much time at _Colt’s_ ; it’s not his scene, so he doesn’t usually get the up-close-and-personal look at this business. He knows it’s doing well – Stephen’s a good manager, after all – but it’s nice to see for himself just how busy the place is at lunchtime on a Friday.

It’s also a damn good place to escape to when he needs to get out of his own shop for a little while.

Jensen has settled in well at the shop, much to the surprise of no one, and the goodies he comes up with every morning are going down a treat. The customers love all the new additions to the menu, most of them hanging around for dessert once they’ve had their fill of Danneel’s delicious food.

Jensen, though, doesn’t really like the praise, brushes it off more often than not and does his best to stick to the back of shop, washing dishes and helping Danneel, coming out front only to bus tables if they’re really busy.

But he’s presence takes over the shop. 

Everyone is always talking about Jensen or his creations and Jared just can’t escape him. Not that he wants to, but people are starting to notice the fact that Jared’s eyes linger on Jensen whenever they’re even remotely in the same vicinity. It had resulted in Genevieve pointing out that he was drooling as he watched Jensen bend over to mop up a spilled latte and Jared had escaped while he had the chance.

With nowhere else to go, he’d ended up at _Colt’s_.

Still, there are worse places to be, he supposes.

“Hey, boss man.”

Jared looks up to see Chad waving at him from behind the counter and he attempts a pathetic wave back.

Chad had been one of the first people Jared had hired when _Jay’s Pad_ had first opened its doors. They’d been friends in college, living next door to each other in the dorms, and Chad had followed his girlfriend to Dallas after they’d graduated and Jared had taken him on when the girlfriend skipped town with all of Chad’s savings.

When _Colt’s_ was just getting off the ground, Jared had needed someone he trusted to work in the new location. Chad had been an obvious choice and he’d jumped at the chance, working his way up to manager of his own shop and Jared likes the fact that things worked out so well for him.

“Hey, Chad,” he says weakly, pulling himself up onto a stool at the counter.

“Jesus, you look like shit,” Chad scoffs. “Late night?”

Jared makes a face as he thinks about the previous night, jerking off in his own bed while he imagined Jensen was with him.

“Just…got a lot on my mind lately.”

Chad doesn’t ask, just turns to the coffee pot and pours a cup of strong black coffee and presents it to Jared without any sort of fanfare.

Jared doesn’t drink much ‘regular’ coffee, not since he opened _Jay’s Pad_. It’s always something, a mocha, latte, or some other weird concoction that Genevieve has created and wants to test it out on him, like he’s her own personal guinea pig. So the shock of the hot, bitter liquid hits him hard and Jared takes a moment to get used to the taste before he takes another sip.

“So,” Chad says after a minute and Jared sighs. He knew Chad wasn’t going to accept that as an answer.

“So what?”

“You gonna tell me what’s got your panties in a wad? It’s not often I see you in here. In fact, I don’t remember the last time you _were_ here. That makes me think that you’re here to hide out.”

“I hate you, you know that? Like, a lot. That’s why I don’t come to hang out with you more often.”

Chad just shrugs. He’s never one to really take things all that seriously. They were friends, sure, but they weren’t really the type to hang out every weekend, to send random texts to each other every day. Jared knows that they would always be there for each other, though, when it comes down to it, and that’s good enough for him to be okay with only seeing or speaking to the guy once or twice a month. If that.

“You crushing on the new guy?” Chad asks carefully, his eyes narrowed.

“How could you possibly know that?”

Chad grabs a cloth and starts wiping down the counter. “There were a number of logical things that made me come to my conclusion. Number one, it’s the middle of the day and instead of lording it over your perfect little piece of paradise you are here, bothering me. Number two, I’ve seen you acting like this before, all nervous energy and bouncing in your chair, and that was during our sophomore year when you were crushing on that Milo guy from your economics class. And number three,” he takes a deep breath and lets it go with a sigh, “Gen was in here yesterday with some girlfriends and they were talking about how you’re so gone for this guy that you’re practically walking into walls any time he’s around because you can’t stop staring at him.”

Jared thumps his head down onto the counter. “God, I’m so pathetic.”

Chad chuckles. “Nah, don’t be like that, it’s cute. Are you gonna ask him out?”

Jared reaches out blindly for his cup, taking another sip of the seldom tasted drink. “I kinda…I mean we’re…”

“Gonna finish a sentence sometime today?”

Jared takes a deep breath. “He spent the weekend at my house. Nothing happened,” he adds quickly, when he sees Chad’s eyes light up with glee, “but we did kiss. Once. He’s just…going through some stuff, says he’s not ready for a relationship, so I’m…” he trails off, not sure how to finish.

“You’re, what? Waiting for him?”

“I guess?”

Chad hums. “Did he say he wasn’t ready for a relationship because he was trying to let you down easy because he doesn’t feel the same way, or do you believe him?”

“Oh, I believe him, I know he’s had a hard time lately and he’s not really ready to be dating anyone just yet. But I…”

“But you really like him.”

“I do, I really do. But is that wrong? I mean, I know what…I know what’s going on with him, plus, he works for me. That’s…there’s gotta be some line that I’m crossing there, right? Dating someone who works for me?”

“Jared, it’s not like you’re paying the guy to suck your dick.”

Jared chokes on his coffee and glares at Chad. “You’re a douche.”

“True, but I’m also right. Yeah, it might make a few people uncomfortable, and it might matter if it was anywhere other than a stupid little coffee shop in a Dallas suburb.” Chad smiles. “But, from what Gen and her friends were saying yesterday, people are just gonna be happy for both of you. I don’t really think you have anything to worry about.”

Jared nods. “‘Cept the fact that I wanna rip Jensen’s clothes off every time I see him, but I know I can’t because he’s not in the right head space for that right now.”

Chad’s chuckle this time is a full blown laugh, drawing the attention of several people sitting nearby. “Man, you have it bad for this boy.”

“It’s only known him for two weeks; it’s too early to-”

“Jared.” Chad cuts him off, looking at him with a serious expression and Jared swallows hard. 

“I think…I think I could really fall for him.”

Chad nods. “Then don’t let something like the fact that he works for you fuck it up. Couples work together all the time; you’ll learn how to make it work for you. But I swear, Jared, do not let this guy get away just because you’re worried.”

Jared leans back from the counter, his hands held out in front of him. “Okay, this whole Wise Chad act is really freaking me out. What’s gotten into you?”

“Nothing, man, it’s just…” he trails off with a sigh. “You’re always about the business, you know? You always put that first. It’s just nice to see that you can be distracted, that you’re capable of putting your personal needs before the needs of the business.”

“I don’t know if it’s quite there yet.”

“Couple months ago, the fact that you were even a little attracted to someone who worked for you would have made you twice as determined to make sure nothing even remotely romantic happened between you. Now that means that either you’re mellowing in your old age-”

“Hey! I’m 30, that’s not old!”

Chad ignores him. “Or this guy is something special. But whichever it is, you need to grab onto it with everything you’ve got.”

Jared smiles. “I knew there was a reason I kept you around.”

“Yeah, you just remember that when Stephen finally gets around to talking to you,” Chad says cryptically.

“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing; doesn’t matter now. Just get on back to your boy and ask him to have dinner with you.”

Jared stares at Chad a moment longer, taking in the almost wary expression on his face, but he doesn’t press for details. Whatever’s going on, Jared will find out when the time is right.

He reaches over the counter to give Chad and awkward hug, whispering a quiet ‘thank you’ in his ear, before he turns and leaves without a backwards glance.

It’s not far back to _Jay’s Pad_ and Jared walks it in just a few short minutes.

Jensen’s pulling on his jacket by the time Jared gets back inside, and he realizes it’s later than he thought it was.

“Your shift is over?”

Jensen looks around. “Uh, yeah? Colin came in about ten minutes ago, so I thought…” He frowns. “Did you need me to stay? ‘Cause I can stay.”

“No,” Jared says, a little too quickly, “no, that’s not…that’s not what I meant.”

Behind him, he hears a snigger and he looks over his shoulder in time to see Genevieve delivering coffees and soft drinks to a table by the door and he sends her a glare, even though she’s not looking at him.

“Jared?” Jensen presses when Jared doesn’t add anything else to his babbling.

“Are you busy tonight?”

Jensen lets out a small, self-deprecating laugh. “Jared, you know I’m never busy. I was just gonna hang out at Danneel’s, read or something. She was saying something about dying her hair and, gay or not, that’s just not my scene.”

“Do you want to have dinner with me?” Jared asks, rushing the words, pushing them out before he loses his nerve.

Jensen blinks, remaining silent for an endless moment. “I…really?”

“Yeah, yeah, we can go to _Elta’s_ , like we talked about. Or…or somewhere else, if you’re not comfortable with that.”

Jensen looks down at his jeans, the worn sneakers on his feet. “Maybe not just yet,” he admits. “Can we…” he trails off, biting his lip and looking around to make sure no one else is listening to their conversation and he takes a step closer to Jared just in case. “I had a lot of fun last weekend, just hanging out at your place. I’d like to do that again. I like Sadie.”

Jensen smirks, winks, and Jared knows he’s being played, but the joy in Jensen’s eyes at the simple teasing lights something up inside him and he can’t help but laugh.

“Yeah, we can do that. Pizza this time?”

“Sounds good.” Jensen turns towards the door, but he pauses and glances at Jared unsure. “Did you mean now, or…?”

A slight push from behind has Jared stumbling forward a step or two and turns to face Genevieve.

“Go on, both of you.” She makes flapping motions at them, hustling them to the door.

Jared pauses. “Gen…”

“You trust us, right?”

“You know I do, but, Gen, you’ve been here for hours already. I can’t expect you to hang around until it’s time to close up. That’s not fair.”

Genevieve cocks her head to the side. “Why not? It’s what you were gonna do, wasn’t it?”

“I’m the boss; it’s sorta my job, you know?”

She just gives him a sweet smile. “We’ll figure something out. Just go have some fun, for once in your life.”

Jared wants to protest more, but he knows she’s right. Chad was right, too.

Everything in his life, since he graduated college, has always been about his business. He never took more than a day here or there for himself, and he never went on dates. 

But here’s Jensen, someone he actually wants to spend time with, get to know, and his friends are willing to cover for him to allowing him to do just that. It’s a kindness he knows not many people get and he accepts with a graceful nod, and hands over his keys with a thankful smile.

Genevieve winks. “Just remember me in your Will, Jared.”

Jensen laughs loudly as Jared leads him out of the shop.

“So…pizza, yeah? Maybe a movie or two?”

Jensen nods and takes a deep breath, like he’s relaxing into the knowledge that someone wants to spend time with him. “Sounds perfect.”

///

They fall into a routine after that.

Every Friday, Jensen shows up to work with a duffle bag, a notebook and some ratty old paperback novel that he’s picked up from God knows where, a different one every week. When his shift is over, he pays for a cup of coffee or hot chocolate – despite everyone telling him that he doesn’t have to pay, even if his shift is over – and takes a seat out on the main floor, curled up in an over-stuffed armchair while he waits for Jared to finish up.

They then spend the whole weekend together, usually camped out on Jared’s couch with Sadie, watching countless movies and marathoning Jared’s box sets and even though Jensen sticks to his word, there have been a few make-out sessions that leave Jared shaking.

But Jensen still sleeps in the guestroom and every Monday afternoon, when Jensen shifts ends, Jared finds it harder and harder to watch him walk away and head back to the shelter. The fact that Jensen refuses to even call the shelter ‘home’ makes Jared’s anxiety even worse.

“Why don’t you just ask him to move in?” Danneel asks as they watch Jensen leave through the back door after his shift a couple months later, off to do whatever it is he does until Danneel’s shift ends.

Jared turns to glare at her and finds himself looking at Genevieve, too, like they’re ganging up on him and he’s a little concerned about who’s looking after the front of the shop and his customers, until he remembers that Matt and Katie are still out there.

“We’ve been dating for, like, three months. It’s a bit too soon for such a huge step. I might send Jensen running back to join those guys on the road.”

“He needs stability,” Genevieve says, inadvertently speaking the same words Danneel had spoken when she begged Jared to give Jensen the job in the first place.

“Exactly,” Danneel agrees. “And that shelter is not stability. Not even a little bit.”

“And moving in with me after just three months isn’t going to give him stability either.”

“But he likes you!” the girls say as one and Jared rolls his eyes.

“Yes, and I like him. But that still doesn’t mean that we’re ready to move in together. Would I like him to move in? Of course I would, but Jensen said it himself, he still has a lot of things to work through and the last thing I wanna do is put any more pressure on him.”

Danneel smiles, small and soft, like she’s proud of him or something. “You really like him.”

It’s not a question, she’s simply stating a fact, one that Jared can’t say is incorrect

Still, he narrows his eyes at her. “Did you plan this? Did you ask me to give him a job because you wanted us to hook up?”

Danneel holds her hands up in defense or innocence, Jared can’t tell which.

“I swear, I didn’t. I just thought it would be a good idea for him to have something positive in his life, like a good job, but also be somewhere I could keep an eye on him.” Her smile slips. “He’s relapsed so many times before. I thought if he was close by every day and away from the music scene I’d be able to help him resist temptation.”

Jared tries for all of five seconds not to ask, but in the end, he can’t help himself. “And? Has he? Since the last time he came out of rehab, has he…?”

Danneel shakes her head. “As far as I know, he hasn’t taken so much as an aspirin. And, a lot of that has to do with him never wanting to be in a shelter again, yeah, but, you know, some of it’s you, Jared.”

Jared blushes and Genevieve knocks her shoulder into him playfully, teasing.

“I like him,” Jared confesses, even though he knows both Danneel and Genevieve are completely aware of the fact. “I mean, I really think this could work, you know? I know it’s still way too early to be thinking this, but I can really see a future with us. Long term white picket fences, the whole nine. Maybe even a couple kids, too, if that’s what Jensen wants.”

“You’re seeing someone?”

The voice takes Jared by surprise and he turns to see a guy he doesn’t know standing in the doorway of the kitchen, looking at all three of them in turn.

“I’m sorry, this area is for staff only, no customers allowed,” Jared says, annoyed. This guy would have had to have gone around the counter, past Matt and Katie to get into the kitchen; this wasn’t an accident.

The guy doesn’t move and Jared puts his hands on his hips, pulling himself up to his full height. “Can I help you?”

“I’m sorry, you’re Jared, right? I’m Tahmoh.” He looks at Jared expectantly, but when Jared just raises his eyebrows in confusion, the guy frowns. “Tahmoh Penikett? Your mom said you talked to her about me, she said you wanted me to come ask you out because you were too scared to do it yourself.”

There’s a cocky smirk on the guy’s face and behind Jared, the girls make some sort of choked-off, offended noise, but all Jared can do was stare, because, what the hell?

“My mom?”

“Yeah. You’re…you are Jared, right?” the guy says, looking suddenly unsure.

“Yeah, I am, but I don’t know who the hell you are.”

“I’m Tahmoh. Tahmoh Penikett?” he repeats his name when Jared still looks confused. “Our parents live on the same street?”

“And that’s the reason you came all the way up here to ask me out? Because our parents live on the same street?”

Jared honestly can’t believe the nerve of this guy. He’s never met this Tahmoh guy in his life.

“Well, I was talking to your mom the other day and she mentioned – completely by accident, of course – that you had a little bit of a crush on me and you just couldn’t figure out how to ask me out on a date.” Tahmoh shrugs. “So, I thought I’d make it easy for you.”

Danneel and Genevieve snort a giggle and Jared can’t really blame them. The arrogance of this guy is unbelievable.

“I’m sorry, uh…Timo, is it?”

“Tahmoh,” he corrects, his jaw ticking in irritation.

“Sorry, Tahmoh, but I really don’t know who you are. I’ve never seen you before in my life.”

Tahmoh frowns. “But…your mom said-”

“Yeah, my mom says a lot of things, it’s part of the reason I live five hours away.”

“Well, uh, never mind that, I’m here now, so how about we grab a cup of coffee and get to know each other a little better?”

Behind Jared, Genevieve growls and Jared knows she’s getting just as pissed off as Jared is. He wouldn’t be surprised if Danneel was on the phone to Jensen.

“I don’t think so, Tahmoh. As you already heard, I’m seeing someone, a fact that I’m know my mother was also completely aware of when she spoke to you, so I’m going to have to ask you to order something or leave my shop.”

It’s harsh and he knows it, but it’s taking everything Jared has not to throw Tahmoh out on his ass.

“I also heard you say that it was early in the relationship, so I don’t think a cup of coffee is going to hurt anyone.”

Jared glares. “I’m not the kind of guy who cheats on my boyfriend.”

Tahmoh’s nostrils flare and he casts a look around the kitchen, at Genevieve and Danneel before he turns his attention back to Jared. “I’m sure we’ll have fun,” he insists, taking a step closer and Jared suddenly feels nervous. He needs to get this guy out of his shop.

“I’m sure we would,” he says carefully, “but, like I said, I am already seeing someone, someone I like very much, and I’d rather not jeopardize that. Even for something as simple as coffee.”

Tahmoh’s eyes tick to the girls again, narrowing slightly, and it takes everything Jared has not to move to stand between them. Instead, he stays where he is, folding his arms across his chest, making sure his eyes never waver from the man in front of him.

Tahmoh smiles, but there’s nothing nice or kind in the expression, just a coldness that makes Jared shiver.

“Maybe I’ll come back in a few months,” Tahmoh says icily, “I might have better luck.”

Jensen nods. “Maybe my boyfriend will be here then, he can introduce himself.”

Tahmoh smirks. “We’ll see.”

Tahmoh leaves then, as quickly as he arrived, and Danneel chases after him, blowing through the door so fast it bangs into the counter and the whole wall shakes.

“He’s gone,” she says a second later, coming back with Matt, Katie and Misha – one of _Jay’s Pad’s_ longest and most dedicated customers – on her heels.

“What the hell was that?” Katie asks, looking around at everyone. “That guy said he was an old friend, that’s why we let him through.”

“He is not a friend,” Genevieve hisses, glaring at Katie like this is all her fault, but Jared can’t seem to make his voice work to correct her.

“I told you!” Misha says loudly, glaring at Matt. “I have been coming to this place every day since it opened and not once have I seen that guy come anywhere near it.”

“Oh, well, good for you!” Matt sings sarcastically. “Excuse me if I don’t take your word on everything that happens in this place.”

Misha sniffs. “Well, maybe this will prove to you that you should.” He spins on his heel and goes back to his table.

Jared’s a little scared of Misha.

“Are you okay?”

He looks down at Genevieve, takes in the worry he can see in her huge brown eyes and he makes himself smile and nod, even if he feels anything but fine.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m…” he shrugs when he realizes he doesn’t know what to say. “Hey, at least she set me up with a guy, right? Could have been a lot worse if she’d sent a girl down here to convince me that I’m actually secretly straight.”

Jared’s staff is still staring at him, Katie hovering around the door like she’s waiting for Jared to freak out so that she can run away and Jared forces himself to roll his eyes and laugh.

“Seriously, I’m fine. That guy was a stupid asshole. Trust me when I say that I’m gonna tear my mom a new one; she knows all about me and Jensen.”

Danneel narrows her eyes, as though she doesn’t quite believe Jared, but she doesn’t say anything, just turns back to the grill and the nonexistent orders she has. It’s always a little slack this time of day.

Slowly, Matt and Katie go back to the front of the shop, Matt yelling something at Misha about getting him his damn coffee and Genevieve rushes after them, mumbling something about making sure they don’t kill each other and use Katie as the murder weapon. Jared can’t even fathom how that’s supposed to work.

Jared lets them go and turns towards the back door before he realizes what he’s doing.

“Jared,” Danneel calls and Jared just waves a hand at her.

“Just taking out the trash, Dan, unbunch your panties.”

Neither of them mentions the fact that Jared has no trash when he rushes out into the alley behind the shop.

Leaning against the wall, Jared stares up at the clear blue Texas sky and lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He’s shaken up and he knows it, but now that Tahmoh is out of there, the anger at his mom builds in Jared until he’s almost shaking with rage.

Sharon knows all about Jensen, Jared made sure of it during one of their monthly phone calls. She’d paused for a second when she heard the news, asked about Jensen’s job, then proceeded to act like Jared had never spoken and Jared suddenly understands Tahmoh’s presence a little more. Sharon hadn’t liked the idea of Jensen at all, and so she’d sent her son a suitable replacement.

Jared feels sick he’s so mad.

His hands shaking, Jared reaches into his pocket for his cellphone, his fingers fumbling the touchscreen until he brings up his mother’s contact information.

Just as he’s about to hit the call button, the phone is knocked out of his hand.

“What the hell?”

Looking up, Jared comes face to face with Tahmoh and automatically tries to take a step back, hitting the wall behind him and scraping his elbow.

“You know,” Tahmoh cocks his head to one side, “that was cute, that little stunt you pulled in there, and I let you get away with it because I understand having to save face in front of the people you work with, but I want to make one thing perfectly clear. You will never, and I do mean _never_ , speak to me like that again. Do you understand me?”

Fear and anger war within Jared as he looks at the man in front of him, taking in the coldness of his eyes and he pushes forward slightly.

“Who the fuck do you think you are? I told you that I was seeing someone, so just get the fuck away from me and go back to San Antonio or wherever the hell it is you came from.”

Jared tries to push past the man, but Tahmoh grabs his arm and shoves him back into the wall.

“I came all the way up here for a reason, Jared, and I am not leaving until I get it.” Tahmoh is angry, apparently not used to rejection. “So listen, you little piece of shit, I was promised a date if I drove all the way up here, more, if I’m being honest about your bitch of a mom, so I’m not leaving here until I at least get a fucking blow job outta this, so either get on your knees right now, or I’m going to slam you up against this wall and take what I want from you.”

“I’m calling the police. I suggest you leave right now before you find yourself with an attempted sexual assault charge to deal with.” Jared reaches for his phone, only remembering at the last second that it’s lying somewhere on the floor of the alley.

Tahmoh sneers. “I’m a fucking lawyer, you little coffee monkey. The charges won’t even be filed.”

“I’m pretty sure I can get everyone in that shop to stand up for me. That’s at least five witnesses, whether they saw anything or not. You sure you’re that good a lawyer?”

Growling, Tahmoh grabs Jared by the front of his shirt, pulling him away from the wall only to slam him back into it, hard. Jared’s head smack against the brick, making everything go bright and shiny and his ears ring.

“Now,” Tahmoh says, his mouth close to Jared’s ear, “you’re going to bend over like a good little whore and let me have what I came here for.”

“Hey!”

The voice isn’t Tahmoh’s and Jared’s pretty sure that it isn’t his, either, since he’s having a hard time making the alley stop spinning, but whoever shouted, they make Tahmoh take a huge step back, releasing Jared in the process.

Jared stumbles into the Dumpster.

“What the fuck, dude?!” 

That’s Genevieve, Jared’s pretty sure, but his ears are ringing and he feels like his knees are made of jello. He shakes his head, trying to get his focus back, and looks up just in time to see Tahmoh running towards the mouth of the alley.

“Oh, my God,” Genevieve breathes, catching Jared by the elbow. “Are you okay?”

Jared just blinks, because he can’t quite process exactly what transpired.

“Are you okay?” Genevieve repeats, but Jared can’t really tell if she’s talking to him or not because everything is starting to feel really weird and his knees are shaking.

_“Danneel!”_

“Whoa! Okay!” a voice says loudly and suddenly and then there are hands under Jared’s armpits. “You’re okay, you’re okay, I’ve got you.”

The voice is smooth and calming and Jared sinks into the embrace for a moment before he realizes just who is holding him.

“Jensen?”

“Yeah, Jared, it’s me. Come on, come sit down for me,” Jensen says softly, leading Jared back through to the kitchen and then to his office. “Jared, look at me.”

Jared blinks again and looks into Jensen’s bright green eyes. “Jensen?” he says again and Jensen smiles softly.

“What’s going on, Jared?”

Jared looks around the office, at Danneel and Genevieve standing in the doorway with concerned looks on their faces.

“Did he attack you, Jared?” Genevieve asks gently.

Jared puts a hand to the back of his head and winces. He’ll have a fair sized bump in a few hours, but there’s no sign of any blood, for which he’s grateful.

“He slammed me against the wall, he…” Jared trails off, thinking over Tahmoh’s words. “He said he was going to get what he came for.”

Danneel’s hand flies to her mouth and Genevieve gasps, but in front of him, Jensen just nods his head slowly. 

“Dee, can you make Jared some tea?”

The request is so out of the blue, so not what Jared expected, that he can do nothing but stare at Jensen who just smiles back sweetly.

“I think he could use an espresso.”

“No, the last thing he needs is that much caffeine. Tea.”

“Coming up.”

Jared finally finds the mental capacity to ask Jensen the question that is running through his mind.

“What are you doing here?”

He knows Danneel probably called or texted Jensen the minute Tahmoh started harassing Jared – it’s Danneel, she does things like that – but there’s no way Jensen made it all the way from the shelter or even Jared’s house in that short amount of time.

“I was just up the street, on my way back here, actually. There was a…an incident at the shelter. I didn’t wanna be around for that.”

“Incident?” Jared repeats.

Jensen shrugs. “One of the new guys; moved in last week. I knew he would be trouble the second I saw him, but I thought he’d hold out a little longer.”

“What did he do?”

“That’s not really important right now. We’ll talk about it when I have to go back to the shelter for the mandatory drug test tomorrow.”

Jared doesn’t ask the question that would be on the tip of anyone’s tongue in this sort of situation. He knows Jensen is clean and he’ll pass the drugs test.

Instead he just smiles in sympathetic understanding and sips at the tea that Danneel has put in front of him. It’s hot and soothing and Jared allows himself to just sink into the flavor for a few seconds.

“So, anyway,” Jensen goes on, “I was hoping that we could hang out tonight, but I’m thinking that’s pretty much a given right now.”

Jared opens his mouth to protest – more to insist that he’s okay than to say that he doesn’t want Jensen to come home with him – but Genevieve speaks up before he can.

“I swear to God, Jared, if you say you’re fine I’m going to come over there and slap you silly. Let your boyfriend take care of you. It’s what you need right now.”

Jared tries hard not to react to be ‘B’ word and he’s a little relieved when Jensen appears to do the same thing.

They need to have that talk, but not when Jared’s finding it hard to take a deep breath.

“Gen’s right,” Jensen says finally, “you need to get outta here, go home and calm down a little. Come on, I’ll go with you.”

“Do you…” Genevieve starts, but she stops herself, biting down on her lower lip.

“What?” Jared presses.

“What that guy did out there, I mean, was he…did he try to…”

Jared holds up a hand, stopping the words before they leave her mouth. “I don’t…I don’t know what he wanted; he didn’t exactly go into detail. Just said he was going to get what he came up here for.”

“We should call the police,” Danneel says, steel in her voice and Jared shakes his head, wincing as pain shoots behind his eyes.

“No, I don’t want the cops. I just want to forget this ever happened.”

“Jared, he tried to-”

Jared cuts Genevieve off again. “No, he didn’t. I don’t know what he was trying to do. He said he was a lawyer, the clothes he was wearing, I’ll bet my shop he’s a good one. I don’t want to go up against that. Just…let it go.”

“Take him home, Jensen.”

“I was planning on it.”

Jared’s about to protest, tries to tell them that he’ll be okay after a few minutes, but then his eyes stray to the back door of the shop and the image of Tahmoh racing down the alley blossoms in his mind. Just the idea of Tahmoh coming back makes Jared’s hands start to shake again.

“Yeah,” he says after a few seconds of silence, “yeah, okay.”

Jensen gives him a relieved smile. “Okay, good. Did you drive here this morning?” Jared has to shake his head. He doesn’t like to drive to work unless he has to. He enjoys the walk, seeing the town so peaceful and quiet so early in the morning.

“You can take mine,” Danneel says quickly, pulling her purse out from under Jared’s desk and fetching her keys. “You can just bring it back in the morning and I’ll catch a ride with Gen.”

Genevieve nods. “Yeah, Jared, get out of here. Dan and I can close up. And we can even open up tomorrow if you want to take a day off.”

Jared manages to laugh at that. “You guys are gonna make all of Jensen’s cupcakes and pies and cakes and cookies?”

She shrugs. “Sure, how hard can it be?”

Danneel looks like she’s gonna throw up at the very idea of trying to do what Jensen does every morning. “Wonder what it’s gonna cost me to get Alona to do it this time?”

Jared just laughs louder. “Relax, Jensen and I will be here at our usual time tomorrow, so don’t worry.”

Danneel sighs. “Thank God for that.”

Genevieve puts her hands on her hips. “Jared, seriously. If you need to take some time, we’d understand. How can we not?”

Jared smiles, but his expression is so tight it almost hurts. “Pretending this never happened doesn’t involve curling up in my bed and hiding from the world. I need to just…” he falters. “Pretend it never happened. Jensen and I will be here to open up in the morning.”

Jensen stands up before anyone can say anything else. “Come on, let’s get out of here. I’ll make you some dinner and we can just veg in front of the couch.”

Suddenly, Jared feels incredibly tired and he wants nothing more than to agree with Jensen, so he finishes off his tea and pulls himself to his feet.

“Thank you,” he says to Genevieve and Danneel, his two closest friends, the ones who will always be there for him, have always been there for him and he knows they always will be.

But he has Jensen now, too, even though he’s a little screwed up right now, Jared is sure that he and Jensen will be in it for the long haul.

He squeezes Jensen’s hand and lets Jensen lead him out the door.

/// 

Jared clicks off the TV, tired of the NCIS marathon he’s been mainlining since he got home and Jensen locked himself away in the kitchen.

Whatever it is he’s cooking smells amazing, but he’s told Jared it still won’t be ready for a while and now Jared’s just bored.

His eyes land on the house phone sitting on the coffee table. The screen of his smart phone had been smashed to pieces when Tahmoh knocked it out of his hands. He’s already called Genevieve and ask her to let everyone know that he’s unreachable until he gets himself a new one and now he’s cellphone-less until he can find time to get to the store and get a new one. Maybe he can use this as an opportunity to get Jensen a cellphone as well. Lord knows he’d feel better knowing he can call Jensen when he’s at the shelter any time he wants to and he thinks Danneel will thank him for it as well.

Jared’s so engrossed in his inner monologue that he doesn’t realize he has the phone in his hands and is hitting the speed dial for his parents’ house before he knows what he’s doing.

His mom picks up on the fourth ring.

“You sent a guy to my shop and told him I wanted to take him to dinner?” Jared snaps, not even pausing to say ‘hello’.

 _“Oh!”_ she says happily. _“Tahmoh stopped by! I’m so glad! When are you going out? You know, you should take him to that_ San An _place near you. I heard it got great reviews.”_

“Mom, I’m having a hard time understanding you right now, because I know I told you I was seeing someone.”

Sharon is quiet for a few seconds, like she can’t understand why her son is pointing this out. _“Well, it doesn’t hurt to keep your options open, does it? There’s no harm in having dinner with Tahmoh.”_

“I don’t even know this Tahmoh guy, Mom, and you just dump him on me after filling his head with all this garbage about how I always liked him! What the hell, Mom?!”

Her tone changes immediately. _“Well, I’m sorry, Jared, if I don’t think that someone who works in a coffee shop is the kind of person you should be spending the rest of your life with! Tahmoh is a lawyer, you know, I thought spending time with him would help you see that you’re wasting your life.”_

Jared shakes his head, even though he knows his mother can’t see him. “Right, Tahmoh’s such a standup guy, huh?”

 _“He’s a partner in a law firm,”_ she says, sounding like a proud mother.

“He also tried to rape me.”

He doesn’t mean to say it, especially not so bluntly, but his mother’s attitude is really starting to wear him down.

She pauses. _“I’m…I’m sorry, honey? I don’t think I heard you correctly.”_

“He tried to rape me, Mom, because I wouldn’t have coffee with him.”

_“I’m sure you just misunderstood.”_

“He slammed me against a wall and he told me that if I didn’t drop to me knees and suck him off, then he was going to turn me around and take what he was promised. I don’t think there’s much to misunderstand there.”

_“Jared…Jared…I…”_

“Save it, Mom. Just stay out of my life for a while, okay? It’s clear to me that I’m nothing but a disappointment to you, so why don’t you just do us both a favor and pretend I don’t exist.”

He hangs up the phone before she can form a response and throws it across the room. The handset hits the wall and explodes into a shower of plastic and wires and Jared just can’t seem to care. Another expense he’ll have add to his trip to the store.

“Feel better?” Jensen asks and Jared shakes his head. 

“Not really.”

He looks over his shoulder to see Jensen leaning casually in the door way and it’s clear from his pose that he’s been standing there for a while.

“Take it you heard all that?” It’s not even a serious question because it’s not like Jared was even trying to keep his voice down.

“Enough.” Jensen comes around to sit on the couch next to Jared. “Your mom doesn’t like that you’re dating me.”

Jared sighs. “My mom doesn’t like much of anything when it comes to me. She thinks I’m a disappointment, that I’m wasting my potential with my ‘little coffee shop’.” He puts air quotes around the words, but the action seems to take the last of his strength and he collapses back against the couch in a heap.

Jensen snorts. “How can she think you’re wasting your potential when you own one of the most successful restaurants in Dallas?”

“She doesn’t know,” Jared mumbles, half-hoping that Jensen doesn’t hear him.

“She doesn’t know? How can she not know?”

Jared shrugs. “None of them know. The only people who know are you, Danneel, Genevieve, my accountant. Hell, most of the staff don’t even know. That’s a very exclusive list, you should be honored that you’re on it.”

Jensen leans his head into the couch cushion. “Jared.”

Jared sighs. “They were all so…outraged. My family, I mean, when they found out that I had lowered myself to run a lowly coffee shop. I just…learned not to care what they think about me.”

Jensen nods, like he understands. “Your parents and siblings, they’re all successful?”

Jared takes a deep breath. “Mom’s a high school teacher and Dad works for an investment company. I think they just wanted better for us than what they had, but instead of letting us choose, they chose for us. Jeff was to be a doctor, Megan a lawyer and I was to major in business so that I could become CEO of some big company or something. When I told them I didn’t want that, they threatened not to pay for college.”

“That’s kinda harsh,” Jensen agrees. 

“I knew I could never afford college on my own and I didn’t qualify for any scholarships or anything, so I came up with my own plan.”

Jensen gives him a warm smile. “And what was that?”

“Well, after college, they had no more control over me, right? So I did what they wanted, got my business degree, then did what _I_ wanted.”

“You opened _Jay’s Pad_.”

“God, my mom was so pissed, still is, I guess, ‘cept that she’s moved on to embarrassment now. She tells people that I run my own business, then conveniently neglects to point out what that business is.”

“You never thought of telling them? About _Elta’s_ , I mean. She might gloat a little, but she’d be proud of you, I bet.” 

Jared sucks air in through his teeth. “I just…I know she’d gloat, but I kinda think she’d brag about it, too, you know? Make sure all of her friends knew about how amazing she was for raising such a successful son.” He cringes. “Especially when she finds out that _Elta’s_ isn’t the only one.”

Jensen lets out a breath of a laugh. “There’s more?”

Jared nods. “Um, _San An_ , _Lecki’s, Sadie’s_ on campus.” At the sound of her name, Sadie barks and Jared reaches out to scratch behind her ears. “And, um, _Colt’s_.”

Jensen blinks. “ _Colt’s_ as in… _Colt’s_?”

“The coffee chain? Yeah. I mean, I don’t really spend much time there, don’t have anything to do with it, I just…opened the first three locations and handed it over to a manager. He runs the whole operation, turned it into what it is now. I just collect the money.”

“Wow, Jared, that’s…” Jensen shakes his head slightly, “kind of a mind fuck.”

Jared just shrugs. “Anyway, that’s why I don’t really want to tell my family. I can’t stand the idea of them bragging about how they’re related to the owner, or demanding free meals or coffee for their friends.”

“You really think they’d do that?”

“I didn’t think my mom would send an attempted rapist to ask me out on a date, but, you know, apparently I can be wrong about these things.” Jensen flinches at Jared’s angry tone and he sighs. “I’m sorry.” 

Jensen runs his fingers through Jared’s hair. “No, I’m sorry, Jared.”

“Not your fault.”

“You sure about that?”

Jared shifts on the couch so that he can see Jensen clearly. “What are you talking about?”

“Your mom only sent Tahmoh here after she found out about me, right?”

“Yeah, but…but that has nothing to do with you, Jensen. Not you as an individual, anyway.”

“I just thought, maybe she doesn’t want you dating a recovering addict.”

Jared takes Jensen’s hand in both of his. “She doesn’t know. She doesn’t know about any of that, Jensen. Seriously, that isn’t my story to tell and I would never do that to you. I swear to God, Jensen.”

Jensen leans forward slightly and kisses Jared firmly on the lips. “I believe you.”

“It’s got nothing to do with that. She just doesn’t like the fact that I’m dating a lowly coffee shop worker. Never mind the fact that it’s my coffee shop you work at.”

Jensen shrugs. “You should tell her that I’m a trained physical therapist.”

Jared’s eyes widen. “Are you serious? Why aren’t you doing that?”

“I never did,” Jensen explains. “When I…when I was supposed to graduate, I didn’t…that’s when all the…all the problems started. I went on the road with Chris and Steve, and again when Danneel tagged along, and I could never just…never get a handle on the drugs. My addiction just kept getting worse and worse. No way was anyone going to let me practice.”

“And you never thought about getting back into that? You’re clean now, healthy. And happy, I hope.”

Jensen smiles, agreeing. “I’d have to go back to college, retrain. Too many things have changed since I then, I don’t even know if I’d still be interested in doing that. I like the baking, like making things like that.”

“And you’re very, very good at it,” Jared points out, kissing Jensen again, deeper this time.

“Come on, Jared,” Jensen mumbles against his mouth. “I’m trying to cook dinner here.” But he kisses Jared harder until Jared has to be the one to force himself away.

“Okay, go, ‘cause if you don’t, I don’t think I’m gonna be able to let you go.”

Jensen cups Jared’s face in his hands, something in his eyes that Jared can’t read, then he gets up off the couch and heads to the kitchen without looking back.

Jared falls back against the couch again. He thinks about taking a nap, just until Jensen tells him that the food is ready, but every time he closes his eyes he sees Tahmoh’s harsh face and cold eyes and he gives it up as a lost cause.

He thinks back to the conversation with his mom, the word that had slipped out, the one Jared had tried not to think about at all – rape. 

What Tahmoh did could be seen as attempted rape and the thought makes Jared stomach churn uncomfortably. He’d like to think that he wouldn’t have let Tahmoh get very far, if he really was planning on going through with it, but then again, if Jared’s reaction is anything to go by, he may have been too shocked, too stricken to put up much of a fight. He’s not ashamed of himself, anyone with any sense would have reacted the same way to the threat of being raped, but it’s still something that hits Jared hard, that he’d folded so quickly and utterly.

Just the idea that Tahmoh thought he could get away with something like that makes Jared wonder if he’s ever made good on his threats.

But with no evidence, it’s not like the police would take Jared seriously if he tried to make a complaint.

Tears spring up in Jared’s eyes so suddenly that he’s too shocked to stop them or the harsh, hard sob that escapes his lips and before he knows what’s happening, he’s curled up in the corner of the couch, crying uncontrollably.

He feels sick to his stomach that his mother could look at Tahmoh and see a nice, decent guy. Or maybe she didn’t, maybe she saw Tahmoh as he really was and still decided he was a better man for Jared than Jensen.

The thought makes Jared cry harder.

A loud crash from the kitchen makes him jump, forcing him out of his contemplation and self-loathing and he races out of the room, wiping his tears on the sleeve of his Henley.

“Jensen?” Jared throws open the kitchen door. Jensen is on his hands and knees, trying to pick up the pieces of a broken pie dish.

“I’m…I’m sorry,” he stammers, reaching for a cloth to gather the broken pieces of crockery, but Jared grabs his hand first.

“Hey, hey, it’s alright,” he soothes, his voice cracking, “it’s just stupid dish.”

Jensen just shakes his head. “Just being clumsy.”

Jared frowns and looks down at the hand in his. “Jesus, Jensen, you’re shaking.” Jared folds his hands into fist to hide his own shakes.

Jensen lets out a strained chuckle. “Yeah, it…it’s what happens when…when I want…” He doesn’t finish the sentence, but Jared doesn’t really need him to.

“When you want drugs.”

“Or a drink. Anything really. Just something to take the edge off.”

Jared’s frown deepens, not really understanding what’s going on, but Jensen takes the look for something else.

“But I won’t!” he shouts. “I won’t take anything, I swear. I don’t wanna be like that anymore.”

“I know, I know, it’s okay,” Jared says. “I just…I just don’t understand what brought this on. You were fine a few minutes ago.”

Jensen just shrugs. “Little things, they all just build up until the pressure gets to be too much to take, like you’re gonna explode at any moment. Something to tell my therapist about when I see her on Wednesday.”

Jared just nods. Jensen doesn’t really talk much about his therapist, Dr. Rhodes, other than telling them when his appointments are, though Jared knows it’s a condition of his release from the rehab facility and that his time is almost up.

Jared wonders if this will make Dr. Rhodes want to keep Jensen on her books a bit longer.

“I just need a few minutes to calm down,” Jensen insists.

Jared feels guilt weigh him down. It’s clear from the way Jensen’s avoiding looking directly at Jared that what went down this afternoon is the cause of Jensen’s distress. Looking at him, at how pale he is, how he’s shifting from one foot to the other, thoughts start to form in Jared’s head, and they’re not very pleasant. In fact, they’re a hell of a lot worse than even remembering what happened in the alley and Jared feels tears prickle at the corners of his eyes all over again.

“Go on and do whatever you need to do. I’ll clean this up and finish dinner.” Jared says. Jensen chews on his lower lip for a second and Jared squeezes his hand. “It’s okay.”

“I’m supposed to be looking after you,” Jensen counters. “You were the one…I should be taking care of you.”

Jared just shrugs. “Can’t dwell on it, right? It was something that almost happened and I need to let it go. I know some people have gone through a whole lot worse than what happened to me today.”

Jensen’s jaw ticks and he meets Jared’s eyes, pain and torment swimming in the green depths.

Finally, Jensen nods and gets back to his feet, disappearing down the hall to the guestroom, leaving Jared on the kitchen floor, more confused than ever.

///

Later that night, when Jared wakes up screaming from a nightmare, Jensen’s arms are wrapped around him, whispering soothing words into his ear, Jared holds on tight, and tries to will the images of Tahmoh’s twisted face from his mind.

But he can’t, because it wasn’t Jared pinned beneath Tahmoh in his dream, it had been Jensen. Jensen, twisting and crying and pleading, while Jared was held back by some invisible force, unable to save him.

They don’t get much sleep after that.

**Chapter 4**

“What happened the last time Jensen relapsed?”

Jared doesn’t mean to ask the question, doesn’t know what possessed him to do so, and it seems that he’s taken Danneel completely by surprise as well. She stops what she’s doing, takes the pan of scrambled eggs off the burner and turns to give Jared her full attention.

“Why are you asking?”

Jared shrugs. “I just…I think something happened and I want to know if it really was something before I start to wonder whether I should do something about it.”

It’s been almost two weeks since Tahmoh’s visit, and while Jensen and Jared have decided not to talk about anything that happened, Jared did agree to go with Jensen to see his therapist. Dr. Rhodes had focused on Jared for the entirety of the session, much to Jared’s guilt and annoyance, but Dr. Rhodes had said it was fine, she’d reschedule Jensen’s session and Jared made sure to pay her for her time.

Still, he can’t help but wonder at the deliberate avoidance by both Jensen and the doctor to bring up anything to do with Jensen and his past, and Jared’s suspicions had only grown.

And while Jared does his best to put the whole thing behind him, there’s still a dark cloud hanging over Jensen’s head, even though he does his best to be okay.

“It was almost a year ago,” Danneel says slowly in answer to Jared’s question, like she doesn’t think she should be telling Jared at all. “Jensen OD’d on…something. I never really knew exactly what it was he was taking. You remember that day I got a phone call and ran out of here screaming family emergency?”

Jared’s eyes widen. “That was about Jensen?”

She nods. “Steve called, said that he had to take Jensen to the Emergency Room ‘cause he was seizing and his lips were blue. They held him on a seventy-two hour psychiatric hold because they said it looked like suicide.”

Jared blinks. “Was it?”

“I don’t know; I’ve never asked.”

“What happened after that?”

“We finally convinced Jensen to go into rehab and therapy to get his life back under control and, you know, he did.” 

Jared shakes his head. “No, I mean…I mean, what happened that _made_ him relapse? What happened to him that made him OD? Or want to OD?”

Jared feels a little sick. The idea of Jensen wanting to kill himself makes him feel cold all over.

Danneel is silent for a second, like she’s thinking back to that time. 

“I didn’t see Jensen a lot before…before Steve called me. He sort of…withdrew for a while.” She huffs a laugh. “He was gone for months, actually, none of us knew why. The only reason Steve found him was because Steve had left some sheet music or something in Jensen’s apartment and he went ‘round to get it.” Danneel shrugs, like she doesn’t want to point out what would have happened if Steve hadn’t gone to Jensen’s that day.

“So you don’t know?”

Danneel cocks her hip as she folds her arms over her chest. “Jared, what’s going on? Why are you asking me these questions?”

Jared cringes and takes a deep breath, unsure about whether or not he wants to reveal his thoughts to Danneel. But she’s his best friend – one of them anyway – and she’s Jensen’s best friend, and if there’s anyone Jared can talk to, it’s Danneel.

“The night that Tahmoh was here, when he…” Jared trails off, not wanting to go back to that night, “when Tahmoh was here. Jensen had sort of an…episode, in my kitchen. He said he wanted something.”

Danneel nods. “You mean he wanted drugs.”

“He wasn’t really specific.”

“And you think…what?”

“Considering what Tahmoh said…tried…” Jared shrugs. 

“You think the rape threat is what had Jensen jonesing for a fix?” 

Jared flinches and turns away. He doesn’t want to think about that day, and if it wasn’t for Jensen, he wouldn’t be bringing it up right now. But Danneel baldly laying it out like that hits Jared harder than he thought it would.

“Shit, Jared, I-”

“Hey!” she’s cut off by Matt, one of Jared’s waiters, sticking his head through the doorway to the kitchen. “Any sign of my scrambled eggs? Misha’s getting angsty, man.”

Jared forces himself to laugh, glad for the interruption. “You mean he’s cracking jokes and pulling pranks and you think giving him his food will distract him.”

Matt just rolls his eyes and disappears again and Danneel gives Jared a sympathetic smile before she turns back to the stove.

She finishes the eggs quickly and moves on to the French toast for Mandy, the girl Matt has been flirting with for weeks and waits until Matt takes both dishes away before turning back to Jared again.

“Is that really what you think?” she says, her voice is flat, like she’s trying to hide whatever she’s feeling and turns her back on Jared so that he can’t see the expression in her eyes.

Jared chews on the inside of his cheek for a second before he confesses everything to Danneel, all about Jensen’s reluctance to go any further than some heavy petting.

“Something triggered his drug addiction, Danneel. Jensen doesn’t strike me as the type who would just try drugs just for the hell of it.”

“So you think Jensen was…was _raped_?!”

“Or assaulted, a boyfriend that went too far. It happens, Dan, and if Jensen never reported it, he might not have been able to cope with what happened to him.”

Danneel scrapes her fingers through her newly blonde hair. “I can’t talk about this, Jared.”

Jared gapes. “It’s true, isn’t it? Jensen was raped?”

“Jared…”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s just…I’m trying to help him, but he only lets me in so far and then he closes himself off. More so lately, after everything that happened that day.”

“Jared, seriously, I can’t tell you this. I won’t betray Jensen like that. If he wants you to know, he’ll tell you, in his own time.”

“But there is something to know? Something did happen to him?”

Danneel sighs. “A long time ago, yes.”

Jared opens his mouth to question her further despite her words, but the door to the kitchen opens, cutting him off before he even gets started.

“Hey, Jared?” Matt calls. “There’s a guy out here who wants to talk to you.”

Jared’s blood runs cold at that and his breath catches in his throat, all thoughts of Jensen’s possible rape wiped from his mind as thoughts of his own almost-rape takes their place. He turns to Danneel with wide eyes and she steps in close to him.

“It’s not him,” Matt says quickly. “Jesus, guys, come on. I feel bad enough about what happened, I’m not about to let him in here again.”

Jared feels himself relax and he takes a deep breath, stepping away from Danneel as he does so. She squeezes his arm.

“Don’t worry about it, Jared. It’s just gonna take some time.”

“And Jensen?”

She shrugs. “That’s gonna take time, too.”

Jared can do nothing but nod as he passes her by, regretting bringing the whole thing up, but he just needed someone to talk to and Jensen himself just isn’t an option.

Even though Danneel had been no help to him anyway.

Matt’s giving him a sympathetic look as Jared follows him out into the main shop and Jared stops behind the counter to look around.

His breathing comes a little easier when he spots Stephen sitting at a table by the door, checking his phone as he nurses a cup of coffee.

“Man, you have no idea how good it is to see you,” Jared sighs as he collapses into the chair across from Stephen.

Stephen raises an eyebrow at him. “From the look on your face, I don’t know if I should take that as a compliment or not.”

Jared laughs. “Believe me, it’s a compliment.”

A mug of hot chocolate appears in front of Jared and he looks up into Katie’s sparkling blue eyes.

“Jensen said no more coffee after three. Sorry.” She doesn’t seem all that sorry as she practically skips away, bussing the table next to Jared and heading to the back.

Stephen can’t seem to stop his chuckle. “Under the thumb already, I see.”

Jared rolls his eyes. “I haven’t been sleeping well these past couple weeks. Jensen seems to think it might be all the coffee I drink at work, so he’s testing his theory.”

Stephen drums his fingers on the table top. “Last I heard, you still weren’t sure what was going on with you and Jensen. Have things gotten serious?”

Instead of answering, Jared cocks an eyebrow at Stephen and his friend just shrugs.

“What? Chad likes to talk.”

Jared rolls his eyes and then he pauses for a second, thinking it over.

“Yes and no,” he answers finally. “I mean we’re…I don’t even know what to call it. Dating? Exclusive? He doesn’t…he still sleeps in the guestroom when he stays over and we haven’t gone further than making out, but…but yeah, it’s…it’s serious. I want it to be serious.”

Stephen smiles. “You look happy. Happier than I’ve seen you in a long time. Maybe it’s good that you’re taking things slow, maybe you need that as much as Jensen does.”

Jared thinks back to the relationships he had before Jensen, not that there have been many of them, Jared’s only been with two guys, both of them in college and both of them weren’t exactly model relationships. He’d sworn off dating after that but all of that might have been fine and dandy when he was younger, but he’s thirty now, he should be thinking about settling down, especially when Jared is a well-respected businessman with the awards to prove it.

Jared changes the subject quickly, not wanting to talk about Jensen when he isn’t present and instead he levels a glare across the table at his old friend.

“So, did you just stop by to tease me about my relationship or do you have an actual reason?”

Stephen averts his eyes, suddenly looking nervous and Jared can feel his pulse start to quicken.

“Actually, man, I was hoping we could talk in private for a minute?”

Jared looks around the busy café, all the tables full and the staff bustling around, serving food and drinks and clearing plates, Matt still flirting with Mandy two tables over and Misha putting salt in the sugar caddy.

“Sure, of course. Follow me.” Jared picks up his hot chocolate and leads Stephen through the café. He swipes the sugar caddy off Misha’s table as he passes and points a finger at him. “No,” he scolds, “bad Misha.”

Misha blinks up at him, his blue eyes full of nothing but innocence and Jared just ignores him. He hands the caddy to Matt, ordering him to change out the salt-tainted sugar for new stuff and proceeds to lead Stephen into his little closet of an office.

He clears the visitor’s chair of his jacket and the change of clothes he keeps there and motions for Stephen to sit down, while he rounds the next and sets Danneel’s purse on the floor so that he can take his own seat.

“So, what’s up?”

“I know this is going to come as a shock,” Stephen starts, “and it’s probably gonna cause you some real problems for a while, but, uh, I’m kinda leaving town.”

“What?!” Jared practically yells before he has a chance to properly process Stephen’s words. “You’re leaving town? How long for?”

“For good, man,” he says, a little quieter now. “My wife and I, we…well, we kinda wanna give our own place a try, you know? Start our own place with our names above the door.”

Of course Jared knows, he did it himself, and he can’t exactly deny Stephen the same opportunity. “That’s great, that’s really awesome, man. Where are you thinking of going?”

“Portland? My girl, she has family up there, so it seemed like a good idea.”

“That sounds great.”

Stephen nods again and Jared can tell that he hates the idea of leaving Jared in the lurch.

“I should probably tell you,” Stephen says, looking embarrassed, “I was originally gonna try to buy _Colt’s_ from you, but I couldn’t exactly afford it.”

Jared cocks his head to one side. “You couldn’t? Why? We could have worked something out.”

Stephen laughs. “Jared, man, I know I have a bit of spare cash lying around, but I don’t have seven million dollars.”

“What?!”

“What? I talked to some people, that’s how much _Colt’s_ is worth. I know it’s your business, but you said it yourself, you don’t really care about it apart from the paycheck, right?”

“I don’t even care about the paycheck,” Jared mumbles, still a little shocked.

Stephen shrugs. “So I thought, why not take the whole thing off your hands and get you some cash? But, like I said, no way can I afford to be the one to do that.”

Jared just nods, because really, he’s not capable of much else at the moment.

“You really didn’t know what it was worth?”

Jared shakes his head. “No, you’ve just said it, I don’t really think about it at all. I had no idea…” he blinks at Stephen. “This is all you, you know? You made _Colt’s_ what it is, I had nothing to do with it.”

Stephen holds up his hands. “Oh, no, no way, man. I didn’t do anything to that place. I took what you had and expanded, that’s it. This is all on you.”

Jared can’t find anything to say to that. Truth is, Genevieve had been the one to design the place while Jared worked out all the details like a location for the first shop and staff to run it and she’d helped with the next shop, too. It was after shop number three that Stephen had stepped in and carried on, so Jared supposes it was a collaborative effort.

“I’m really sorry to do this to you, Jared,” Stephen says as he gets to his feet and Jared shakes his head.

“Seriously, don’t even worry about it. You have to do what’s best for you and your family, Stephen, quit worrying about me.”

Stephen waits until Jared rounds the desk and holds out his hand, shaking Jared’s again. “We’re not leaving for another month or so, I just wanted to make sure you had enough time to find a new manager before I went. If you want any help in that department, I know a couple people, I’d be happy to give you their names.”

“Yeah, yeah, that would be great. Just as long as their name isn’t Mercedes,” Jared says with a chuckle, but he doesn’t really mean any of it, his mind already spinning now that Stephen has put the idea into his head, wondering if he should sell the place after all.

“I wanna thank you, Jared,” Stephen says, pulling Jared’s head out of the clouds, “for letting me treat _Colt’s_ as my own all these years. Not a lot of owners would have allowed their managers to do that.”

“No thanks needed, man. What you did with _Colt’s_ , I could never even have dreamed up. You’ve turned my silly little idea into the biggest independent coffee franchise in Dallas. I owe you so much.”

“Mutually beneficial relationship,” Stephen says with a grin. “Tell me when you want to set up those interviews. I’ll email you the details of those people.”

Jared just nods and smiles, not agreeing to anything and they say their farewells before Stephen leaves and Jared falls back into his chair and thinks about what Stephen said.

“Seven millions dollars?!” he repeats to the empty room, completely floored and utterly confused as to how it could be worth so much.

And wondering just what exactly it’s going to take to sell it.

///

“Hey, Jared,” Jensen says as he’s pulling on his coat and Jared glances up from the mocha he’s making for Mandy. And really, Jared thinks, she’s in here every single day, flirting with Matt, he should just ask her out already.

“What’s up, Sugarlips?” Jared cocks an eyebrow at him, looking around at the rest of the staff.

“Uh…?”

“Genevieve gave him gummi bears,” Lauren says, the tone of her voice making it perfectly clear what she thinks about the situation. “She only gives him candy when she’s not here, so that she doesn’t have to deal with him when he’s on a sugar high.”

Jared blushes guiltily. “I may have eaten the whole bag.”

“You know,” Matt says as he swoops by to claim the mocha, “one day, I’m gonna get you a truck load of candy, lock you in your office until you’ve eaten it all, and then lock Gen in there with you, just so that she can get a taste of what it’s like working with you when you’re like this.”

Jared snorts. “Oh, really? You think she doesn’t already know? Why do you think she does it, huh? Because she’s been witness to it for the last six years and now she wants someone else to feel her pain!” He throws a dishtowel at Matt’s head. “And do you know what else? Your shift is almost over, so why don’t you do us all a favor and just ask Mandy out already and then go somewhere that’s not here!”

Across the shop, Mandy’s face turns as red as the armchair she’s sitting in and the color drains from Matt’s face so fast Jared’s a little worried.

“Dude, I cannot believe you just did that!”

Jensen laughs. “Man, you’re really a dick when you’re like this. Are you sure you’re gonna be calmed down by the time you get home? I don’t think I can deal with you like this.”

Jared scoffs even as he watches Matt sit down next to Mandy. “Please, you love me and all my questionable faults and vices.”

When Jensen just makes a noise in the back of his throat – neither a confirmation nor denial – Jared pastes on a smile and turns to face him.

“So, what can I do for you, oh, perfect and wonderful Jensen?”

Jensen clears his throat, but he’s starting to look like his question isn’t all that important in light of Jared on a sugar high. Jared would be offended, but he’s been told more than enough times that he really is incorrigible when he’s like this, so he tries to school his features and gives Jensen his full attention, all joking forgotten.

“I was, uh, I was just wondering if I could go hang out at your place? The shelter, it’s getting…I don’t want to be there. It’s, I don’t know, upsetting or something. I can never really relax when I’m there and lately, it’s just getting a whole lot worse. And Danneel and Genevieve have plans tonight, so I just thought…”

Suddenly serious, Jared pulls Jensen aside. “I’ve actually been meaning to talk to you about that.”

“About me being at your place?” Jensen pales. “Am I there too much? Do you…is this you asking for space?”

“No!” Jared says quickly. “No, in fact, it’s just the opposite.”

“I’m confused. You want me to be there more?”

Jared takes a deep breath. “Actually, yes, that’s exactly what I want.” When Jensen just blinks at him, Jared barrels on. “You spend more time at my place than you do anywhere else, particularly lately.”

Jensen blushes and scratches at the back of his neck.

It’s been almost two months since Jensen’s episode in the kitchen and neither of them has felt the need to talk about it and Jared doesn’t know if it’s something he should be concerned about. Jensen’s still not back to his usual self, though he’s not as quiet as he was when Jared brought the whole thing up with Danneel. Maybe Jared would be more concerned if he didn’t think that Jensen was talking to his therapist, but every week, Jensen comes back from his sessions just a little bit brighter, so Jared’s willing to let it go for now.

Except for the fact that Jensen’s still not saying anything.

“You said it yourself, you don’t like being at the shelter,” he continues, “and you and me, we’re getting on okay, right?”

Jensen nods, finally. “Yeah, yeah, of course we are.”

“You can still have your own room; this doesn’t mean…I just think it makes sense.”

Jensen nods again, but it’s less enthusiastic that Jared was hoping for and more thoughtful than he wanted. 

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” Jensen says carefully, “because I do, more than you probably realize. I just…I sort of had a plan, you know? For being a functioning, sober adult living in the real world. My therapist was less than pleased when I told her I was dating you; this might give her a hernia.” He sighs. “Getting my own place was supposed to be this big step in my recovery. She might eighty-six this before it’s even out of the gate.”

Jared’s shoulders sag a little, defeated. He hasn’t really thought about what Jensen’s therapist would think about her patient moving in with his new boyfriend, especially when the word ‘boyfriend’ had only ever been used by Genevieve – at least in Jensen’s presence.

“I understand, but just…think about it, okay? I just thought it makes you a little depressed having to go back there all the time.”

Jensen presses a kiss to Jared’s cheek. “I would love to live with you, even if it’s just the spare bedroom for now. I promise I’ll try and work it out.”

Jared smiles and nods. “Sounds good.”

“But it’s okay that I hang out there now, right? Promise I’ll make you dinner and dessert, and for an extra bonus, I’ll walk Sadie.”

“Deal.” Jared leans forward and kisses Jensen soundly, letting his tongue slip into Jensen’s mouth for a few delicious seconds. “Okay, go on; get outta here, your shift’s over. If you stay any longer, I’m gonna make you make more cookies.”

Jensen just smiles and waves at the rest of the people in the shop as he slips out the door, Matt and Mandy hot on his heels.

“I still hate you!” Matt shouts over his shoulder, but his hand is tangled with Mandy’s, so Jared figures his hatred doesn’t run all that deep.

Jared’s just starting on the latte that Lauren ordered for the woman curled up on the couch at the back of the shop when his cell phone rings.

Taking it out of his pocket, he reads the display, Jeffery Morgan’s number blinking up at him impatiently.

“Gabe,” he calls to the passing waiter, “can you take over here for a second? I have to take this call.”

“Sure,” Gabe says calmly, stepping in to take Jared’s place while Jared heads to his office.

“Jeff, tell me you have good news?”

Jeffery Morgan has been Jared’s lawyer since just after college, when Jared first realized that starting his own business was an actual possibility. Jared had called him up after Jensen had gone back to the shelter the night Stephen had stopped by to see him, apologizing for the late hour and laying out his want to sell _Colt’s_ off to the highest bidder.

Jeff had been shocked at first, pointing out to Jared that his request was more than a little out of the blue, but then Jared had reminded Jeff that _Colt’s_ wasn’t really doing anything for Jared except bringing in money. Why not make a lot more money by selling it off and letting someone else do what they wanted with it?

Jeff had agreed and had promised to look into some buyers. If he’s calling Jared now, it must mean that he’s found one.

 _“I just got off the phone with a prospective buyer who has just put in an offer for_ Colt’s _,”_ Jeff tells him and Jared bites down on his grin.

“Is it a good offer?”

 _“How does nine point three million sound to you?”_ Jeff says casually and Jared falls rather than sits in his chair.

“Are you kidding me?”

_“Nah, kid, this is legit.”_

“And they agreed to all my stipulations? Keeping all the current staff for at least a year? Not changing the name? Everything?”

_“Everything was agreed to, right down to the last letter.”_

“Oh, my God,” Jared breathes. He doesn’t know what else to say.

 _“We can do it this afternoon in my office if you want, Jared. You could be a very rich man by close of business.”_ Jeff chuckles in that warm way he has and Jared’s just completely floored.

“Um…I’ll…yeah, I’ll be down as soon as I can.”

Jared hangs up and grabs his jacket and rushes out into the kitchen. 

“Dan, you’re closing up.” He tosses his keys to her and she fumbles with them.

“What? But, Jared, I’ve never closed up on my own before! I have plans tonight! I don’t know what to do.”

Jared stops and pinches the bridge of his nose as he takes a deep breath. “Call Gen and ask her to come down and give you a hand.”

Danneel laughs. “No way, it’s her day off; no way is she going to come down here. We’re going out tonight!”

“Bonuses, an extra day off and raises for the both of you.”

Danneel pauses, then hurries into Jared’s office to find her cellphone and Jared slips out the door.

///

“I can’t believe this,” Jared says as he stares at the number on the page in front of him. “Is this real life?”

“You should be proud of yourself, Jared.” Jeff says with a chuckle. “Not many people can do what you just did.”

Jared blushes and shakes his head. “I didn’t do anything. The original idea for _Colt’s_ might have been mine, yeah, but I washed my hands of that place a long time ago. Anything that _Colt’s_ is, it’s all because of Stephen. He turned that place into something amazing. Something worth nine million dollars.”

“Is that why you had me instruct your accountant to cut these?” Jeff holds up two checks, each for two million dollars.

“Yeah, one of them is for Stephen. He wants to start his own business, his own coffee empire in Portland and this money is going to help him do that.”

“And this one?” his lawyer holds up the other check and Jared smiles.

“That’s for my friend, Genevieve. She helped me so much when I was getting _Colt’s_ off the ground; I wanted her to have something. My way saying ‘thanks’, you know?”

“You’re a very generous man, Jared.”

Jared just shrugs. “It’s not like…she has a twenty percent share in the place anyway, you know? I’m just giving her what she’s owed. Same with Danneel if I ever decide to sell _Elta’s_. Or, more accurately, if Danneel ever lets me sell _Elta’s_.”

Jeff just shakes his head. “Damn, Jared, you’re a good friend. I’m glad to be able to call you a client.”

“You’re just after the payday,” Jared says with a chuckle as he signs the checks and puts them into his wallet.

Jeff sighs, but Jared can see he’s suppressing a smile. “Not gonna lie, Jared. I like it when you call me up. It always turns out to be an interesting day.”

“Thank you for all you help, Jeff. I know I’m probably not as glamorous as you’re used to, but I like knowing that you’re in my corner.” Jared stands up and shakes Jeff’s hand.

“Pleasure’s mine, Jared, any time.”

They say their goodbyes and Jared makes his way back to the car. The clock on the dashboard tells Jared that it’s still early and he debates with himself for a few minutes about whether or not he should return to the coffee shop. Closing time isn’t for another couple of hours and Jared knows it’s unfair to leave Danneel and Genevieve to lock up again, even though he knows they’re both probably gorging on whatever leftovers there are and he’ll have to listen to them for the rest of the week about work off the extra calories.

But, on the other hand, Jensen is waiting back at the house, probably wearing the sweats and Cowboys hoodie he never gave back after that first night and Jared’s mind is made up.

Turning left instead of right at the next set of lights, Jared starts the drive back home; already looking forward to seeing Jensen, even though it’s only been a few hours since he last spoke to him.

He has it bad and he knows it.

His cellphone rings just as he gets to the end of his street and he contemplates not answering for a second, but the screen is telling him that it’s a blocked number calling and alarm bells start ringing ominously.

“Jared Padalecki,” he says carefully as he answers.

_“Mr. Padalecki, this is Adrienne Palecki from Methodist Richardson Hospital.”_

Jared almost giggles at the similarity of their surnames, but then the word ‘hospital’ hits him.

“Yes?” he croaks and a cold feeling of dread washes over him, not really sure if he wants her to go on.

 _“Mr. Padalecki, I’m calling on behalf of Jensen Ackles?”_ She phrases it like a question. _“Mr. Ackles was involved in a serious incident a few hours ago and he was subsequently brought to the ER. He’s informed us that you are his emergency contact?”_

Again, it sounds like a question, only this time, Jared realizes he’s supposed to answer.

“Um, yes, yeah, that’s correct.”

 _“I would advise you to get here as soon as possible,”_ Adrienne says quietly and Jared races in to full-on panic.

“Why?! Is he…is he okay? He’s not gonna...” he can’t say the word and he’s grateful that Adrienne can understand his ramblings.

 _“No,”_ she says quickly, _“A concussion, a few broken bones, but nothing life threatening.”_

Jared allows himself to take a deep breath. “Okay, good, that’s…that’s good. Um, what exactly happened?”

_“I’m afraid I can’t give out that sort of information over the phone, sir.”_

Jared nods, ignorant of the fact that she can’t see him. “But it was an accident, right? No…no drugs or alcohol or anything like that?”

 _“I’m afraid I can’t answer questions like that over the phone,”_ She repeats. _“Confidentiality issues, you understand.”_

“Right, right, of course.” But he doesn’t understand and he wants to know what’s going on, why Jensen’s in the hospital and what the hell happened to him. His pulse skyrockets and his breathing becomes shallow as he stares out the windshield, seeing nothing.

There’s silence for a few seconds before Ms. Palicki clears her throat. _“So, should I tell Mr. Ackles that you’re on your way?”_

Jared jumps, startled into action. “What? Yes, yes, of course. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

 _“Thank you, Mr. Padalecki.”_ She sounds relieved and Jared wonders what Jensen has been putting them through.

Hanging up, Jared puts the car in gear and pulls back into traffic, not remembering when exactly he’d pulled over to the side of the street. Still, it was probably a good idea, considering how much his hands are still shaking. He could have ended up in a bed right next to Jensen.

As it is, the drive to the hospital is a blur, lost to Jared in a haze of worry and dread and he soon finds himself pulling into the parking lot of the emergency room before he really knows what’s happening.

He averts his eyes as he walks through the waiting room, not wanting to seem like he’s being nosy, leaving people to their privacy as he makes his way to the front desk. He tries to smile at the woman behind the counter.

“Um, hi, I got a call from someone, a nurse, I think, concerning my friend.”

“Name?” the woman barks at him and Jared flinches.

“Um, Jared Padalecki.”

“I don’t have anyone checked in under Jared however-that’s-spelled.”

“Oh, you meant his name, sorry. It’s Jensen, Jensen Ackles.”

She glares at him and Jared smiles again, and a few clicks later she’s looking at him over the top of her glasses.

“Through those doors and down the hallway on the right. He’s in curtain seven.”

Jared thanks her and escapes through the door.

It’s quieter back here, people seem less rushed or panicked or something and Jared takes that as a good sign.

If Jensen were seriously hurt, he probably wouldn’t be behind one of the little blue curtains that Jared can see all over the place. He’d probably be in some operating room with a bunch of doctors and nurses around him, so Jared keeps that thought in mind as he pulls back curtain seven.

Jensen’s lying on the bed, looking about as white as the sheet underneath him, except for the bloody cuts and bruises all over his face.

“Jesus Christ!” Jared gasps, rushing to Jensen’s side, uncaring about the nurse attending to a cast on Jensen’s left arm.

Jensen doesn’t attempt a smile or any other sort of pleasantry to try to calm Jared down, for which Jared’s grateful, but the utterly defeated look on Jensen’s face is so much worse that Jared almost wishes he had.

“Jared, I take it?” the nurse says and Jared nods dumbly. “I’m Hilarie. Your boy here was lucky.”

Jensen scoffs before Jared can think of an appropriately scathing reply.

“Oh, yeah, I feel real lucky.”

“You’re still alive, aren’t you?” Hilarie scolds and Jensen looks away, clearly embarrassed.

The nurse smiles down at Jensen in the bed. “I’ll give you two a minute before the doctor comes by to see you.”

Jared gives her a thoughtful nod and sits on the edge the bed, taking hold of Jensen’s uninjured hand. “What the hell happened, Jensen?”

Jensen shrugs, then winces from the movement. “I got mugged, when I was walking home from the shop and I got to that alley at the end of your street. He must have been waiting for someone to walk by. Bet he wishes he waited for someone else.”

“Did he get much?” Jared asks, already planning on replacing whatever Jensen lost.

“My cellphone, my wallet, that was it. Like I said, he should have waited for a better mark. Don’t even think I had thirty bucks in my wallet.”

Jared shakes his head; Jensen’s had that cellphone less than two months. “And he did this to you?”

Jensen shrugs again, doesn’t wince this time. “Drugs hit people in a lot of different ways, Jared.”

Jared nods, trusting Jensen’s judgment. He knows better than Jared after all.

“Did you file a report with the police?”

“The hospital called them; they said they have to in cases like this.” 

Jared gets what Jensen isn’t saying – he wasn’t going to call the police at all, but he lets it go.

“What did they say?”

“They haven’t been by yet.”

“Did they say how long it would be?”

Jensen sighs. “I don’t know, Jared, and I don’t care. I just want to get out of here.”

Jared swallows down the millions of other questions that he wants to ask, understanding that Jensen really isn’t in the mood. “But, you’re okay right? It’s nothing serious?”

Jensen waves his casted arm in the air. “Broken wrist, ribs, cuts and bruises, stitches, and a nice little concussion that means I can’t sleep for the next eighteen hours or something.”

“Don’t worry about that, you’re staying with me until you’re back on your feet.”

“Jared-” Jensen groans, trying to protest, but Jared just holds up a hand. 

“You think someone at the shelter is going to look after you?”

“I could ask Danneel if I could stay with her.”

“She only has one bed, Jensen. At least if you stay with me you’ll have one of your own.”

With a deep sigh, Jensen nods his head and Jared takes that as a win.

The curtain opens again before Jared can say anything else and he sees the nurse from earlier – Hilarie – giving Jensen a patient smile. “The police are here, they want to talk to you now.”

Jared turns to her. “Can I take him home after that? After the police talk to him, I mean.”

Her mouth twists. “I’m not sure; you’d have to speak to his doctor, but they might recommend a CT scan. He hit his head pretty hard, from what I can tell.”

Jared gapes and spins back to Jensen. “Fuck, was this guy trying to kill you?”

“He was just looking for his next fix, Jared, and flipped out when I didn’t have anything.”

“If I ever get my hands on that guy, I’ll kill him,” Jared growls.

Jensen doesn’t say anything and Jared thinks that’s probably wise. He takes a deep breath to calm himself, but it doesn’t really work and he shakes his head.

“Okay, well, if you’re gonna be here for a while, I’m gonna go get some stuff from, uh…from your place.”

Jensen’s looks pained at the idea of Jared going to the shelter, which is impressive, considering the amount of pain Jensen’s in already, but he doesn’t argue and Jared presses a kiss to his forehead before he leaves.

He nods politely to the two cops – one male and one female – who pass him on the way to Jensen’s little curtained area before he flags down the nurse who spoke with them.

“Do you know when Jensen will be taken for his scan? If he has to have one, I mean.”

Hilarie frowns a little. “Well, considering he’s talking to the police right now, it’ll be a while.”

“Right,” Jared clears his throat. “It’s just, I have to run and get some stuff from his place and I’d rather do that now, while he’s still in the hospital, rather than leaving him alone when we get home.”

She gives him a sympathetic smile. “I know it won’t be for a while yet, but I’ll make sure that someone lets you know where he’s going to be, just in case he’s gone when you get back.”

“Thank you,” Jared says and makes his way back to his car with one last look at the curtained off area.

He spends some time trying to remember where Jensen’s shelter actually is and fails completely. He ends up having to call Danneel and then has to wait while she freaks out before she pulls herself together enough to provide him with directions.

She also informs Jared that she’s closing the shop early and heading over to Jared’s with Genevieve to make them dinner. Jared too tired and wrung out to fight her on it.

He finally gets to the shelter almost an hour after he left the hospital and he’s already on edge when he pulls into the parking lot and sees the exterior of the place Jensen’s been living for the last…God knows how long, and he wishes he’d stayed at the hospital.

The outside of the building looks like something out of a warzone. The paint is peeling from the frames and the walls, and the windows look like they haven’t been cleaned for a decade. The ones that aren’t broken and boarded up, that is, which isn’t many.

Inside isn’t much better. There’s a horrible smell hanging in the air, like a mixture of burnt food, wet dog, and unwashed clothes and people and when Jared looks around the door that leads to what looks to be a common area, he can understand why.

The men that are sprawled throughout the room look like they haven’t moved in a week. There are empty pizza boxes and take-out containers littering every available surface, not to mention, more empty beer and liquor bottles than Jared can reasonably count.

He doesn’t even want to know if that really is a used syringe he can see on the battered and scarred coffee table.

“Can I help you?”

Jared spins around and comes face-to-face with a stern looking woman, her hair pulled back in a no-nonsense style, and she’s looking at Jared like he’s something she scraped off the bottom of her shoe.

“I’m here for Jensen Ackles’ things,” he says before he can stop himself. No way is he letting Jensen come back to this hellhole.

To Jared’s surprise, the woman chuckles, but it’s not a happy sound. “Little bastard, acting all high and mighty, like he was better than the rest of the losers in here. I knew it was only a matter of time before he fell off the wagon and ended up back in rehab. Or did he finally get it right this time and do us all a favor?”

Jared has to physically stop himself from reaching out to smack the woman. His mama might have some questionable opinions and theories, but she raised her son right.

“For your information, Jensen was the victim of a very serious crime this afternoon. He’s been taken into police protection for his own safety.” The lie trips easily off of Jared’s tongue and he’s glad that the woman hasn’t asked for any sort of identification.

If anything, Jared’s statement only amuses her more.

“Better make sure to keep an eye on your gun, Detective. Ackles is only looking for an excuse.”

Jared cocks his head and narrows his eyes at her. “And I’m just looking for a good excuse to shut this place down.”

All traces of humor vanish from her face. “Hey, I do my best for these assholes. Is it my fault that none of them have the stones to look after themselves and get back on their feet?”

“Jensen did.”

She snorts. “Please, he’s just like all the others, smoking or snorting or plunging their way to an early grave, you just wait and see.”

Jared glares at her. “What’s your name?”

“Amanda Tapping,” she answers without any hesitation.

“Well, Ms. Tapping, don’t expect to be in this line of work for very much longer.” Jared pulls out his phone and dials Jeff’s number. “Now, where is Jensen’s room?”

Reluctantly, Ms. Tapping gives Jared the information he needs while looking at him as though she wanted to rip his head off with her teeth. She also handed him a room key. 

“Little bastard thinks he’s better than the rest of them,” she repeats, “has to lock his shit up.”

Jared completely understands now why Jensen didn’t want to bring any cash back to the shelter. 

Jeff Morgan answers the call just as Jared gets to Jensen’s room and he spends a few minutes in the hallway explaining the situation to his lawyer, keeping his voice low so that no one would overhear.

 _“I think Jensen should have passed whatever recommended time he was supposed to stay at the shelter. As long as there wasn’t any sort of criminal procedure that resulted in Jensen being sentenced to there, you should be fine to move him out,”_ Jeff explains calmly.

“And what about this place?” Jared asks, staring at the cracked paint of Jensen’s door. “People aren’t getting the help they need here, I can tell that for sure and I’ve only been in the building for two minutes. I’m actually really surprised they’re not all sick with something.”

 _“I have friends over on that side of the legal fence, so I’ll make some calls,”_ Jeff promises. 

Jared sighs. “I’m sorry; I don’t mean to put you on the spot.”

_“You’re a good man, Jared, I know you wouldn’t be asking me this if you didn’t have a good reason. I’ll give you a call as soon as I know something.”_

Jeff hangs up before Jared can say anything else and he’s left standing in front of Jensen’s door with nothing left to distract him.

Taking a deep breath, Jared unlocks the door and pushes it open. What he finds makes his heart hurt.

Jensen’s room is tiny, barely big enough for the twin bed that’s shoved against one wall with a nightstand next to it and a dresser opposite. There isn’t even a closet. Everything, though, is neat and tidy and Jared can’t help but smile, imaging Jensen meticulously making his bed every morning, making sure what little space he has is perfectly organized, and Jared completely understands why Jensen doesn’t like hanging out here.

With another deep breath, Jared starts searching the room, pulling clothes out of the dresser and dumping them on the bed until he can find something to put them in. The nightstand is filled with Jensen’s bathroom things and a brown leather wallet buried right at the back of the drawer.

Jared doesn’t want to snoop but there are photographs falling out from between the folds and he just can’t help himself.

The photos are old, Jared can tell, more from the state of the actual photos rather than the subject. The first few are family shots, Jensen’s mom and dad, Jared assumes, a brother and a sister. They look happy, but Jensen is young, early twenties, maybe, like there hasn’t been an opportunity to have any new ones taken.

In the next few, Jared recognizes Danneel immediately, her hair redder than he’s ever seen it, longer, too. There are two guys with her, both with long hair and guitars in their hands and Jared guesses that these are the musicians that Danneel and Jensen toured with, Christian and Steve. Jared has yet to meet them, but both Jensen and Danneel speak highly of them and Jared knows it was Steve who convinced Jensen to get help, so Jared’s not too worried about either of them trying to convince Jensen to come off the wagon.

Eventually, Jared puts the photos away and continues gathering Jensen’s things. He finds a beat-up backpack beneath the bed that doesn’t really hold everything but it’s good enough for now and Jared crams as much as he can inside. He feels like taking the bedding, just to piss Amanda Tapping off, but changes his mind when he notices the state it’s in. No wonder Jensen sleeps as long as he does when he’s at Jared’s.

Finally, with one last look around, Jared hefts the bag over his shoulder and leaves the room.

“He’ll be back, you know,” Ms. Tapping says, startling Jared.

He glares down at her. “What?”

“Jensen. He’s just like all the rest, balancing precariously on a knife edge. It only takes one wrong move and he’ll be over that edge, back on drugs. And then, eventually, when he decides he wants to try being clean again, he’ll end up right back here. With me.”

Jared shakes his head. “You’re wrong, because, you see, Jensen has something that the rest of these guys don’t.”

She scoffs. “And what’s that?”

“Me,” Jared snaps, “and I’m getting him the hell out of here, so that he at least has a chance of getting his life back.”

He doesn’t wait for a reply, just walks past her with his head held high and leaves the whole disgusting place behind him.

///

Jensen has been taken for his CT scan by the time Jared makes it back to the hospital so he heads to the cafeteria to get a coffee and kill a few minutes of time before he heads back to Jensen’s little curtained-off area.

“He shouldn’t be much longer.”

Jared looks up to see the nurse from earlier smiling at him and he nods in reply. “Just kinda wanna get him home, you know?” Jared says, his voice shaky.

She nods knowingly. “I’ll get a doctor to come see you as soon as they have the results.”

“What did they say? The cops? Did Jensen say if they’d caught the guy or know who he is?”

Hilarie shakes her head. “No, I’m sorry; it’s not really my place to ask.”

Jared thanks her and takes a seat inside the curtain, his foot bouncing nervously.

It’s another fifteen minutes before Jensen returns, wheeled in on a bed by two porters in blue scrubs.

“How are you?” Jared asks, immediately getting to his feet.

“Tired,” Jensen admits. “They offered me some stronger painkillers, but I…”

Jared nods. He understands Jensen’s reluctance to take any more drugs and he won’t be surprised is Jensen refuses to take anymore at all when Jared finally gets him home.

Hilarie returns to make sure Jensen is comfortable and tells him that the doctor is looking at his results, but she doesn’t stay long, bustling away with a promise that it shouldn’t be too much longer.

Jared clears his throat. “Okay, listen, I have to tell you about something.” He perches on the edge of the bed again and takes hold of Jensen’s uninjured hand.

Jensen swallows hard, looking almost scared. “Okay, um, is it…did I do something wrong?”

“No!” Jared almost shouts. “No, that’s not…you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Then what?”

“You remember that conversation we had at the shop earlier about you moving in with me on a permanent basis?”

Jensen nods, looking wary now, which Jared supposed was a step up. “Yeah…?”

“Yeah, well, let’s just say there’s nothing more we need to talk about.”

Jensen groans and throws his head back against the pillow. “Come on, Jared, we talked about this. I can’t do anything until after I speak to my therapist.”

“And I’m not letting you go back to that God-awful place, Jensen, especially not in the state that you’re in. Amanda Tapping is a bitch of the highest order and that whole place just needs to be shut down.”

Jensen, at least, agrees with that, Jared’s thankful to see.

“But, Jared, I can’t just move in with you. We haven’t even been dating that long. In fact, we haven’t even been out on a _date_ at all.”

“I told you that you can have the guestroom, that isn’t what this is about. I just need to know that you’re safe and you won’t be if you go back there.”

Jensen blushes. “I didn’t want any of you to know. It’s the only shelter in the area and the last thing I wanted was to move away from Danneel. It was the best thing that was available to me.”

“What about your parents? Siblings? Couldn’t you have stayed with them?”

Jensen shrugs. “My sister’s still at college, she doesn’t need me to deal with on top of everything she has going on. My brother lives in New Mexico now, and my parents? They don’t want anything to do with me.”

Jared blinks, surprised. He knows that Jensen and his parents don’t talk all that much, but he never expected that whatever was going on between them was serious enough for them to wash their hands of their own son.

“Why?” he can’t help asking. “Why don’t they want to help you out?”

“I ruined their perfectly perfect image with…with what happened.”

“Because you’re gay?!” Jared yells, too loud for the small space and he cringes.

“Well, no, not…not exactly. I mean, there’s a lot more to it, but I…” Jensen looks around, like he’s expecting someone to jump out at him and demand to know everything. “Not here, okay?”

Jared frowns, because he can tell it’s something serious, something that they should have talked about before now and Jared can’t help but think back to the conversation he had with Danneel. His hypothetical scenario is looking less and less hypothetical as the days go by.

“We’ll talk about it later,” Jared promises, leaning forward to kiss Jensen quickly.

The curtain is pulled back and a man wearing green scrubs and a white coat greets them with a wide smile. 

“Hi, I’m Dr. Marsters. You must be Jensen Ackles?”

Jensen nods but he doesn’t say anything more and Dr. Marsters doesn’t seem all that concerned by the lack of response. He ignores Jared completely and looks down at the file in his hands and Jared doesn’t know what to do with that. An acknowledgment would have been nice.

“Well, your CT scan came back clear, so I’m going to rule out any permanent damage. However, you still have a bad concussion, so make sure you have someone to look after you for the next couple of days.

“Not a problem,” Jared says quickly before Jensen has a chance to respond.

The doctor finally looks at Jared and nods his head, looking pleased.

“Other than that, just make sure to take it easy for a week or so. Those broken ribs are going to make everything just a little bit harder, so try to stay off your feet as much as possible.”

“I’ll make sure of that,” Jared says, intercepting Jensen again when it looks like he’s going to argue.

“Jared, the shop needs-”

“The shop needs nothing,” Jared cuts him off. “You can teach me how to make some of the stuff at home and I can do it. Or we can both teach Danneel.”

“Danneel can’t bake herself never mind all those cupcakes and cookies and pies.”

“Gen then, whatever. But seriously, Jensen, you need to take care of yourself.”

“Listen to your friend, Jensen,” Dr. Marsters insists.

“Boyfriend,” Jensen corrects automatically, much to Jared’s pleasure and Dr. Marsters just clears his throat.

“Well, then, I’ve left a prescription for you at the nurses station, so you can get that filled at the pharmacy on your way out. Other than that, you’re free to go. We’ll see you back here in a couple weeks to get that cast off. Just, uh, take it easy, okay?”

With that, the doctor exits and Jared’s left alone with Jensen again.

“Come on, let’s get you out of here. Bet you’re starving.”

Jensen manages a small grin. “I could eat.”

“Good, because the girls are at our place, making dinner.”

It feels good to say it, ‘our place’, and Jared’s happier than he can say knowing that Jensen is going to be living with him, despite what happened to Jensen.

“You told Danneel?!” Jensen hisses.

“I didn’t know where the shelter was, I had to call her and ask for directions. Though, if she’s never been there, how does she know where it is? If she’s seen it, there’s no way she would have let you stay there.”

“I never invited her over, Steve and Chris were the ones to pick me up at the rehab clinic and take me over there, but she has the address, just in case something like this happened.”

“Well, at least you were being careful.”

Jensen doesn’t say anything else and Jared lets it go, helping Jensen back into his jacket, noticing the rips and tears and bloodstains on the rest of Jensen’s clothes as he does so.

He’ll take Jensen shopping just as soon as he feels better.

Outside the curtain, Hilarie is waiting for them and she hands Jensen a prescription, but Jensen shakes his head.

“I don’t want that.”

Jared sighs, wishing he could use his apparent telepathy for something good, like the lottery.

“Jensen,” Hilarie says gently, “you need the painkillers; you’ll be hurting in a few hours. Plus, you need something to fight infections from the cuts.”

“Then I’ll deal,” Jensen says. “Please,” he turns to Jared, “please don’t make me. I can’t go back to the drugs.”

“Recovering addict?” the nurse guesses and Jensen nods.

“I’m nine months clean and sober and I won’t go back. I won’t.”

Hilarie tears up the prescription. “Ice and heat on your ribs if it gets bad. Also, get a pain-relieving gel and get your boy to use those big hands of his. And clean those cuts regularly. If I have to see you back here to deal with an infection, I’ll be very annoyed.” She grins. “I’m proud of you, Jensen, for sticking to your guns.”

“Thank you,” Jensen says sincerely and Jared echoes his sentiments.

He takes Jensen by the hand and leads him to the car, ready to get him home.

**Chapter 5**

Jared holds the door open for Jensen when they finally get home, his hand on the small of his boyfriend’s back as he guides him into the house. Jensen winces and hisses with practically every step and Jared feels a deep stab of sympathy every time he does.

“Jensen!” Danneel screeches from somewhere inside and Jared steps in front of Jensen before she can throw herself at him.

“Broken ribs,” he warns and Danneel skids to a stop on the hardwood floor.

“Oh,” she says, her voice shaking a little. She looks around Jared’s impressive frame to take in Jensen’s appearance, her eyes roving over the cuts and bruises on his face, the cast on his arm and the way his good arm is wrapped around his torso protectively.

She tries for a bright smile, but it doesn’t really reach her eyes to hide the worry shining there. “Least it’s not as bad as last time, right?”

Jared spins around to face Jensen. “Last time?”

Jensen grimaces, but it’s not from pain this time. “Thanks, Dee.”

Danneel blushes. “I, uh, better get back to the kitchen.” She rushes away.

“Jensen, what the hell is she talking about?”

Jensen heads for the living room, slightly unsteady on his feet. “Not now, okay? There’re things that happened back then that I’ve managed to get Danneel to forget about for the most part. I promise I’ll tell you everything when she’s gone, okay?”

Internally, Jared winces. His conversation with Danneel a while ago probably brought all of that back up for the girl, not to mention Jensen’s current situation. Danneel’s probably already reliving everything.

Jared gets Jensen settled on the couch and takes a step back, taking in Jensen’s worn-down appearance and relents.

“Okay, but you’ll tell me, right? I’m just worried about you, Jensen.”

Jensen smiles, but it’s not nearly as bright as his smiles usually are. “I’ll tell you, and it’ll probably explain more than I want to.”

Jared nods and backs away, allowing Jensen a few minutes of peace before the girls bring the food out, but his concern about Jensen is still as strong as ever.

///

“No, but, I could help!” Danneel insists – loudly – as Genevieve tries in vain to pull her out the door. “I helped the last time!”

“I had a shattered kneecap the last time,” Jensen reminds her and Danneel deflates a little.

“I’m just worried.”

“I know, Dee,” Jensen soothes, “but all I’m gonna be doing is sitting here with Jared because I’m not allowed to sleep and you have to work tomorrow.”

Danneel pouts. “How the hell are we gonna bake all the pies and cookies and shit? People sort of expect them now.”

“They can just do without for a while,” Jared states. “They managed fine before. Jensen’s health is more important than some cookies.”

“Well, of course he is!” Danneel cries and Jared wishes he’d kept his mouth shut. “He was my friend before you started dating him!”

“Dan, I know that, but our customers don’t. They’ll just have to live without his awesome skills for a while.”

“Besides,” Jensen says with a shrug, “I’ll only be out for a few days.”

“What?!” all three of them yell, staring at Jensen.

Jensen blinks. “What?”

“Jensen, you’ve just been mugged?” Genevieve says carefully, like she’s afraid Jensen forgot.

“And? Look, it’s not like I’m a cop or a firefighter or something. I’m perfectly capable of sitting in a chair and giving directions on making cookies and pies or taking money at the register. It won’t kill me.”

Jared chews on his thumbnail and exchanges looks with Genevieve and Danneel, contemplating how Jensen would react if he just put his foot down and said ‘no’.

Jensen wanted freedom, he wanted the opportunity to take control of his life again, and Jared had already railroaded right over that today by moving Jensen out of the shelter without his permission. He doesn’t want to risk going any further by telling Jensen when he can and can’t work.

He looks at the calendar pinned above the bureau next to the front door, taking a second to realize it’s Tuesday. If Jensen takes the rest of the week off, that’s five days where he can relax and veg out on the couch with Sadie, even if Jared has to go into the shop.

“How about you take it easy until Monday? That way, your ribs will be a little better and it won’t be so hard.”

Reluctantly, Jensen nods. “Fine, Monday it is. I just hope you can deal with all the rowdy customers when they come in demanding my good stuff.”

Genevieve chuckles. “I think we’ll cope. As much as I love you and your wonderful creations, Jensen, I think the customers could do with a little reminder that we’re a café and coffee shop, not a dessert shop.”

Jared frowns, images popping up in his mind of what a shop completely dedicated to cakes and pies might look like. It’s definitely a unique idea.

Jensen just shrugs as best he can in reply to Genevieve. “I like making things. It makes me happy when I see other people enjoying them.”

“And Lord knows you need some happy in your life, Jensen Ackles.” Danneel kisses Jensen’s cheek and throws a wink at Jared. “Maybe your boy here can help with that.”

Suddenly, Jensen grows quiet, pulling away from Danneel and lowering his gaze to the floor.

“I, uh, I think sex is the last thing he needs right now, Danni,” Jared says, trying for light and amused but falling far of the target when he sees Jensen flinch at the word ‘sex’.

Danneel rolls her eyes, oblivious. “Well, obviously I didn’t mean right now. Just, you know, eventually. If you aren’t doing that already.”

“We aren’t,” Jensen grumbles.

Genevieve’s eyes grow wide. “Wow. You’ve together how long? Four months? Five? And you haven’t had sex yet?”

“We’ve-”

Jared waves his hands, cutting Jensen off. “Okay, you know what? As much as I love the both of you, this is getting a little too personal right now. I’m not discussing our sex lives with you.”

Genevieve pouts. “Spoil-sport.”

Jared shoos them towards the door again. “Go on, now, the both of you, get out of here. You have a shop to open in the morning.”

Danneel nods, suddenly serious again. “I take it you won’t be in?”

Jared shrugs. “Maybe Thursday. Probably Friday.”

“Cool.”

“Take care of yourself, Jensen,” Genevieve says, her voice full of feeling and Danneel presses another kiss to Jensen’s cheek and one to Jared’s before she waves goodbye and follows her friend to the car, climbing into the passenger seat.

Jared stands with Jensen on the front stoop and watches the girls go, waving until they can’t see the taillights anymore and then they turn and go back inside.

“So, since you can’t sleep tonight, how about we camp out on the couch with a couple movies and some hot chocolate?”

To Jared’s surprise, Jensen shakes his head. “No, well, I mean, yes, to the couch and hot chocolate. And the movies, probably, eventually.”

“But, you have something else in mind first?” Jared asks slowly, praying to every God he knows that Jensen’s suggestion has nothing to do with sex.

Given the previous conversation, Jared wouldn’t really be surprised if that’s exactly what this is about.

“I said I’d tell you, remember?” Jensen’s voice is soft as he speaks and it’s shaking enough that Jared doesn’t think he’ll get the words out if it gets any worse. “I think…I think I need you to know. I think I need someone to know.”

“You’ve never told anyone?”

Jensen shrugs. “My parents, the cops, the lawyers. My therapist knows, but…but none of those people really mean much to me, you know? Danneel doesn’t know everything, really and it’s different with you.”

Jared just nods, not really sure what he should say to that. He’s already said he’s falling in love with Jensen – fallen would be a better choice of word – but Jensen’s statement makes Jared hopes that his feelings are reciprocated. 

“Okay, um, let me just go grab us some stuff and make the hot chocolate, you just…sit.”

Jensen tries for a smile and Jared dashes from the room.

He changes out of his clothes into a pair of Batman pajama pants and a Captain America t-shirt – mixing his superheroes – and grabs the comforter off his bed as well as the pillows and heads back down the stairs.

Jensen’s still on the couch, wearing the sweats and hoodie that Jared helped him change into earlier and he eyes Jared with trepidation.

“Are we camping and no one told me?”

“I just want us to be comfortable. We’re gonna be here for a while.”

Jared helps Jensen get settled, pillows and blankets and comforter pile high around him, and then he goes to make their drinks.

He knows he’s wasting time, putting off whatever’s coming for as long as possible, but he just can’t help it. He doesn’t want his worst fears confirmed, doesn’t want to know the terrible thing that Jensen went through.

Whatever it was, it was bad enough that Jensen came out of it with at least a broken leg that was bad enough that he needed Danneel to help him, and Jared’s just not sure if he’s strong enough to handle it.

Finally, though, he has nothing left to distract him and he joins Jensen on the couch, passing over a mug that’s overflowing with the little marshmallows that Jensen likes so much.

“You don’t have to do this,” Jared reminds him one last time, but Jensen just shakes his head.

“You should know. If we’re gonna…I want this to last, you and me. You should know everything. It’s not fair that I know everything about you when the reverse isn’t even close to being true.”

Jared cringes, glad that the angle that they’re sitting at hides his face from Jensen. The money from the sale of _Colt’s_ is sitting in his bank account and it makes Jared feel incredibly guilty that Jensen still doesn’t know about it. He wants Jensen to know, there just hasn’t really be a right moment to tell him since everything happened.

“Just…just remember that I don’t want you to do anything that you’re not comfortable with,” Jared says for lack of anything better, his voice tight with repressed emotion.

Jensen attempts a laugh. “Kinda sunk that ship when you invited Danneel and Genevieve over for dinner.”

“Uh, Danneel invited herself and dragged Gen along. I am not taking responsibility for that.”

“Okay, okay,” Jensen consents, waving his free hand in the air. He’s quiet for a moment, like he doesn’t know where to start, or even if he should start at all.

“It was a Thursday, the day of my final exam. It was a practical and I had to explain how I would help a baseball player with a torn rotator cuff.” He snorts. “That’s pretty much the end of a baseball career right there, but no one seemed to be aware or care about that very much. They just wanted to know how I would help the patient. I had everything in place, I had a job waiting for me at the local clinic if I got the results I needed, a pretty good apartment, I had Danneel and Chris and Steve and other friends. I had a boyfriend. I had a good life.”

Jared clears his throat. “So what happened?”

“I was raped.” Jensen states it simply, like he’s talking about the weather.

The confession is not unexpected to Jared, but he still flinches at the confirmation of his theory, and at the dullness of Jensen’s voice.

“I was on my way home from that practical. It was a little late, ‘bout seven, and I lived so close to campus that I didn’t bother with a car. Some guy grabbed me from behind, cracked my head against the wall and dragged me down an alley, behind a Dumpster. He was planning it, it wasn’t some opportune attack, he had condoms, a knife to cut my pants off.” Jensen shrugs. “Well, maybe it was opportunity that it was me who happened to walk by.”

“Jesus, Jensen,” Jared gasps softly, but he keeps his hands to himself. He doesn’t think his touch would be welcome right now.

“He cut off my pants and my boxers. The pants were those stupid khaki slacks that were part of our uniform, so it wasn’t like it was hard. He tried to force me to the ground but I fought. Hard.”

Jared’s a little proud of Jensen for that, feeling slightly better knowing that Jensen hadn’t given up without a fight. He feels sick for thinking that, for thinking that it’s better that Jensen fought back and he wonders what kind of a man that makes him, but he doesn’t have time to think about it or dwell on it, because it’s like the floodgates have opened and Jensen just keeps talking in that same monotone voice, like he’s detached his emotions from the conversation.

“He broke my kneecap, shattered it completely with one kick. I went down hard and he…I won’t go into detail, because you don’t need those images in your head, but there was a lot of damage. Tearing, internal bleeding. It took a long time for me to heal. A lot of _medication_.”

The way Jensen spits the word makes Jared realize that this is where it all started, not surprisingly.

“He left me in that alley, broken and bleeding and crying like a baby.”

“You have nothing to be ashamed of, Jensen. The guy was a monster. What he did to you, there’s no excuse for it.”

“My parents didn’t exactly see it that way.”

Jared freezes, doesn’t even breath. “What?”

Jensen laughs, a harsh and jarring sound in the stillness of the room. “Real men don’t get raped, Jared, that’s how my father sees it. Didn’t matter that the guy who did it was a serial rapist who raped a bunch of other men, I was a disgrace because I let myself get into that situation.”

Jared has to touch, needs to reassure himself that Jensen survived this, that it’s really Jensen, alive and solid, sitting next to him and he shuffles across the space separating himself from Jensen and lays a hand on the other man’s shoulder. 

It’s a small gesture, but the way Jensen sways closer, Jared knows it’s both wanted and needed and slips his thumb beneath the hoodie the touch the skin hidden beneath it.

“You are not the one to blame here,” he insists, because he needs Jensen to believe that, if nothing else.

“The police and the prosecutor and my own lawyer all told my parents that. But that didn’t stop them from wanting to hide me away from the world, so that no one would find out what happened to me.” He shakes his head. “They couldn’t understand when the DA asked me to be a witness at the trial. They were just convinced that I should be ashamed of myself and hide myself away.”

“They caught the guy?” Jared asks, focusing on something that isn’t the horrible example Jensen’s parents were.

Jensen nods. “His name was Ryan Shaw. He was a serial rapist. He started with women and then moved onto men because it was more of a challenge or something. No one had ever had any sort of clue who he was, he always wore condoms and a lot of his victims just never reported it, mostly the men.”

“Until you?” Jared guesses, because it makes sense that Jensen should have some sort of positive outcome from this ordeal.

“I scratched him.” Jensen sounds almost proud. “His DNA was under my fingernails and when they ran it through whatever system they had, he was already in there, some old case from years ago. They pretty much had him, but the DA wanted me to testify because none of the other men would.”

Jared allows himself a smile. “So…the only reason they caught this guy is because of you? Jensen, do you know how amazing that is?”

“Yeah, well, my parents didn’t think so. They didn’t want me to go along with it, didn’t want me to give evidence, but I did anyway. They didn’t even come to the trail, said they didn’t want to deal with the embarrassment and the media attention. I haven’t really spoken to them since the night before I was due to take the stand.”

Jared shakes his head a little. “W-why? Why would they think like that?”

“To my parents, image is very important. More important than their kids, as it turned out. They didn’t want to risk any sort of negative press about them on the off chance that my name was leaked to reporters. Which, you know, it was.”

“Your…” Jared frowns. “Why does it matter that the press got a hold of your name?”

Jensen smiles a little, relaxing slightly. “Jared, my parents are Donna and Alan Ackles.”

Jared gapes. “Your…what?!”

Donna and Alan Ackles are two of Dallas’ most high profile people. Socialites, almost, heading up more than a dozen charities and scholarship programs, cruising through life on old family money from striking oil or something a hundred years ago. 

They don’t really register much on Jared’s radar, but there was no one who lived in Texas and didn’t know who the Ackles were. The fact that Jared’s apparently sitting next to – _dating_ – their middle child is making his head spin.

“Yeah,” Jensen laughs, “makes more sense now, doesn’t it?”

“N-no, no, Jensen, it doesn’t make sense.”

“Any sort of negative press, or even just rumors, affects everything my parents do, everything they’re associated with. They thought that, if people found out that their son was stupid enough to let himself get raped, people wouldn’t want to do business with them anymore.”

“That’s insane, Jensen, being attacked wasn’t your fault.”

Jensen nods. “And, as it turns out, a lot of people agreed with you.”

“Jensen, this…this conversation is making my head spin.”

“My parents lost business deals and a lot of friends because they didn’t support me during the trial, but they blamed me for that, too.”

“And you really haven’t spoken to them since the trial? How long ago was that?”

Jensen’s eyes narrow a little and he stares at a spot just over Jared’s left shoulder, like he’s trying to work out the dates in his mind.

“Nine years, maybe? Ten? I don’t really know. I got lost for a long time.”

“The addiction,” Jared guesses. “That came out of all this?”

Jensen nods. “The drugs from the hospital, they took away the physical pain, at least they did at the start, but then I needed to take more and more because then pain was still there, and then I realized that, if I took even more, then I could escape my mind for a little while, too, forget about all the angry words my dad said to me and the disappointed look on my mom’s face, my boyfriend telling me how weak I was. So then I took more, and more, and then they weren’t working at all and I needed something else.”

“Something stronger,” Jared offers, gallantly skipping over the ‘boyfriend’ part again. 

“Yeah. Started with alcohol. I’d drink until I passed out then wake up and do it all over again. And then that wasn’t working, so I moved on to cocaine, speed, ecstasy. Anything short of heroin, I was taking it. I was a mess, Jared.”

“But you’re not anymore,” Jared says forcefully. “You got better. Look at you, you’re wonderful!”

“And then what happened? I ended up right back where I started!” Jensen yells, fighting his way out of the mound of blankets Jared has him buried in and getting up off the couch to pace the room. “Whatever I do, Jared, I just end up right back here.”

“Right back where?” Jared gets to his own feet, blocking Jensen path. “You’re clean, Jensen. Healthy.”

Jensen rolls his eyes. “Healthy? Does this look healthy to you?”

“A broken arm and some stitches isn’t the same as not being able to get out of bed or out of your mind on crack. You’re healthy,” Jared repeats, “you have a good job, even if I do say so myself. You have friends who care about you. You have me, and that’s more than you had ten years ago.”

Jensen deflates a little. “I don’t want to go back to that, Jared, strung out, losing days, weeks, sometimes months. Losing my job. Losing friends. Don’t let me go back to that, Jared.”

Jared does the only thing he can think of and kisses Jensen, pouring everything he feels for the other man into that one act.

“I won’t,” he breathes into Jensen’s mouth, his lips brushing Jensen’s with every word. “I’ll be right here, always. I won’t let you fall again, Jensen.”

Suddenly, Jensen loses it, tears streaming down his cheeks as he buries his face in Jared’s chest.

They stand there, both of them crying and seeking comfort and support in the others’ arms. 

“I’m sorry,” Jensen sniffles, pulling away. “I’m sorry I’m so weak.”

Jared shakes his head. “You’re not weak, Jensen, not even a little bit. Your parents are wrong. You are the strongest, bravest man I have ever met. Everything you’ve been through, Jensen, it would destroy any other man, but you, you’re still here, still standing, Jensen. You should be so proud of that.”

“I don’t want him to win,” Jensen admits softly. “I know he’s in jail, Shaw, and I know he’ll be there for, well, forever, but I still feel he could win if I…if I...”

Jared cocks his head to one side. “If you what, Jensen?”

“If I stop trying. If I stop living. That’s what happened, when I…why I ended up in rehab. I just got tired of everything, of always trying to drown the pain in drugs or alcohol. So I thought the best thing to do was to just let it all stop. End.”

Jared takes an involuntary step back. “You tried to commit suicide?”

Jensen nods and Jared doesn’t really know what to say. He’d suspected – after talking to Danneel – about the possibility of Jensen might have tried to commit suicide in the past, but thinking it was a possibility and know that it’s true are two very different things, and he can’t help feeling woefully inadequate for dealing with this revelation.

“It wasn’t really planned,” Jensen goes on while Jared continues to freak out. “I didn’t wake up and decide I wanted to die. It just…happened. I just didn’t stop. If Steve hadn’t stopped by, unexpectedly, I wouldn’t be here right now.”

“What were you doing?” Jared asks, knowing that Jensen will understand the question.

“Crack. At that point it was crack. Who knows how deep I would be now if I hadn’t gone to rehab.”

“If Steve hadn’t found you you’d be dead!” Jared snaps.

Jensen just shrugs. “But I did go to rehab and got into therapy and I learned to deal. I learned to not let him win by running my life into the ground, to not prove my parents right. At least I had, until today.”

Jared grabs hold of Jensen’s biceps. “Today doesn’t change anything. Today was just a blip, an accident. Don’t let it set you back.”

Jensen looks up at Jared, his eyes pleading. “Why me, Jared? Why am I the one who gets raped? Who gets mugged? Are my parents right? Do I bring it on myself because I’m so weak?”

Jared gives him a little shake. “No, Jensen. This has nothing to do with you; you’re not weak, not even a little.”

“Then why, Jared? Why me?”

Jared flounders for a moment. “Honestly? I don’t know, Jensen. I don’t know why this is happening to you. But what I do know is that you are strong enough to get past this, to get over this.”

Jensen blinks back more tears. “How? How do you know that?”

“Because you did it before. Look at you, you’ve come so far, you’ve gotten past your addiction, gotten your life back on track, and you can get past this, too.”

“But I’m not past it. The rape, I mean,” Jensen admits quietly, his face burning. “I haven’t had sex since that day, Jared. Haven’t been back on campus, I don’t even know if I passed that last practical, because I didn’t go back for my results. That’s not the actions of someone who’s over anything, Jared.”

“You never get over it,” Jared says sternly, making Jensen flinch. “It will always, always be a part of your life. But what you can do is learn to get past it. Move on with your life. It will always be a part of your past, but you can work at making sure that it doesn’t affect your present or your future. And you’ve done that, you’ve been doing that for months. And it will get easier, I promise. Just don’t let today set you back.”

“The sex…Jared, I know you’ll want that eventually.”

Jared shakes his head. “That doesn’t matter to me. I swear it doesn’t. I’ll always be here with you, and in the future, if you want that, then we can try then. But I will never, ever push you for something you don’t want to give.”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever…”

“I’m not some horn dog who needs it twenty-four seven, Jensen. It’s been nothing but me and my right hand for a while now, and I’m not complaining. I’ll never complain about that, so don’t worry about me.”

“But it happened before,” Jensen sniffs, “I lost someone before because…because I wasn’t…I couldn’t…do that. I wasn’t ready. I still don’t know if I’m ready.”

“I’m not in any hurry, Jensen; you don’t have to worry about anything like that.”

“But I do worry,” Jensen tells him, the tears in his eyes gone now, replaced by something Jared can’t define. “I do worry about you, because you’re important to me and you’re supposed to worry and think about the people who are important to you and I’ve never had someone in my life who was more important to me than you are. And that’s something else that scares me, because I-”

Jared smiles. “I love you, too.”

Jensen relaxes, his whole body losing tension, like he’s happy the declaration is finally out there even though he hasn’t actually said the words yet and Jared realizes that he can wait. He knows how Jensen feels about him; he can wait for as long as it takes for Jensen to say the actual words.

He hugs Jensen close, kissing him deeply, before he directs them back towards the couch.

“Come on,” he says, “we’ve got a lot of hours to kill and I imagine that that right there just took a lot out of you. Let me get you a glass of water and you can pick a movie while I’m gone.”

Jared tucks Jensen in again, making sure he’s comfortable, and then he picks up their mostly still full mugs and heads back to the kitchen.

He opts for bottled water rather than a glass and gets one for himself, too, and returns to the living room to see Jensen squinting at the bookcase from his seat.

“See anything you like?” Jared asks, passing over one of the bottles.

“How about _Star Wars_? All of them?” Jensen frowns.

“You wanna watch _Episode One_ , seriously?”

“You own it, don’t you?”

Jared sighs in agreement. “ _Episode One_ it is.”

He takes the movie – and the other five – from the shelf and puts it in the player.

“You want popcorn or snacks?” he asks and settles himself on the couch when Jensen declines, closer than he was before their intense conversation, but still leaving enough room between them to be polite, and presses play.

The opening credits haven’t even finished rolling before Jensen’s moving, shifting closer on the couch until he’s pressed close to Jared , his arm around Jared’s waist and his head resting on Jared’s shoulder.

Jared smiles and presses a kiss to the top of Jensen’s head and wraps his arm around Jensen’s shoulder, pulling him in tight.

“Don’t fall asleep,” he warns in a whisper and Jensen squeezes him for a second.

“You won’t let me.”

**Chapter 6**

Jared gets home from the shop on Saturday night feeling tried and achy, glad that it’s finally the weekend and he can relax and have a whole day to himself.

And have Jensen all to himself as well.

It’s been weird at the shop the last few days. Jensen’s presence is definitely missed, customers keep asking about him and more than one person – usually the women who want someone to take care of – has heard about Jensen’s accident and returned to the shop with a casserole or some other form of food stuff and made Jared promise that Jensen will eat it.

Danneel, Genevieve, and Matt have all been forced to take something home at least once over the last few days when Jared realized that they had more than he and Jensen could ever possibly eat.

Tonight, he has a huge pot of chili from Ms. Tom and rolls from Alonna’s bakery.

The smell is making Jared’s stomach rumble and he’s glad he’s finally home so that he can eat it and he heads to the living room before the kitchen.

“Hey, Jensen, hope you’re hungry. Lauren Tom sent you some-” Jared cuts himself off when he finally gets the living room door opened and finds that Jensen isn’t alone.

Jensen grins up at him from where he’s sitting on the floor with his legs under the coffee table. “Hey, Jared.” He gestures to the couch behind him and the two men sitting on it. “These are my friends, Christian Kane and Steve Carlson.”

Jared recognizes the men from the photos he’d packed up from Jensen’s room at the shelter, but his manners still get the better of him and he sets his things down on the coffee table and shakes both men’s hands.

“It’s nice to finally put a face to the name,” Steve says kindly, smiling up at Jared without a hint of animosity or uncertainty in his eyes. “Though, Danneel and Jensen talk about you so much, I feel like we already know you.”

“Yeah,” Jared agrees for lack of anything better to say, “same here. Though, I have to admit, I haven’t actually gotten around to listening to any of your stuff. It’s been a bit crazy around here lately.”

“Nah, come on, man,” Chris says with a wave of his hand, “we get, we know how it is. Especially with this guy taking up most of your time.” He gives Jensen a shove to the back of his head and Jared has to pause at the look of sheer joy and contentment on Jensen’s face when he laughs with his friends.

It’s only been a few days since the mugging and Jensen isn’t really back to his normal self, especially since the police have all but run out of leads. But seeing him sitting on the floor, being teased by his friends, it’s a side of Jensen that Jared has never seen before. Sure, he’s seen Jensen with Danneel, understands their bond and how desperately they cling to each other, like it’s them against the world, but seeing Jensen with Chris and Steve is different.

There’s an easy camaraderie there that speaks of a deep friendship, the kind that Jared knows doesn’t come along every day, and he’s almost jealous.

He has nothing like this, nothing like the kind of bond that Jared can see if though he’s only been in the room a matter of minutes, and it’s a painful thing to realize. Sure, he has Danneel and Genevieve, Chad and now Jensen, but it doesn’t really feel like enough.

Almost like he’s put his personal life on hold in order to grow his little mini-empire.

He feels like a failure, even though he knows it’s not really true. He has a good life; he just knows it could be better.

But then Jensen smiles up at him from the floor and Jared’s left feeling that his life just couldn’t possibly be any better than it already is. 

Jensen feeling comfortable enough to invite his friends over when Jared’s not around speaks volumes to Jared. He looks perfectly at home, sitting on the floor with Sadie’s head in his lap and Jared feels something in his chest loosen and he takes a deep breath for the first time since he got the phone call about Jensen being in the hospital.

Everything’s going to work out fine.

“You just gotta promise us to come next time we have a show here in town,” Steve says, pulling Jared out of his thoughts.

Jensen turns his head so that he can see his friends clearly. “When are you playing in town next? I feel like it’s been years since I last saw you guys play.”

“Well, that ain’t exactly surprising, son,” Chris says, remarkably sympathetic, “you’ve been through a lot in the last couple years. You’ve had a lot to deal with. We’re not complaining.”

“I’m getting better,” Jensen says, ducking his head, somewhat embarrassed, “present condition notwithstanding.”

Steve snorts. “Please, like a broken arm means you’re not getting better.”

Jared smiles at the scene, at the interaction between the three of them and he makes himself a promise to have Chris and Steve over more often. He knows he’d feel better if he knew the men a little and he knows that they’d probably have an easier time accepting Jared as a part of Jensen’s life if they all spent more time together.

Starting right now.

“So, listen, one of Jensen’s favorite customers sent him a huge pot of chili when she found out what happened, and there’s no way the two of us can eat the whole thing alone, so you’re welcome to stay. Got plenty of…” he cringes, “soft drinks?”

Jared knows that two good ol’ boys like Chris and Steve probably preferred to have beer with their dinner, if not something stronger, but Jared didn’t exactly buy much alcohol before he met Jensen and now it’s nonexistent on his shopping list.

Chris, thankfully, lets out a hearty chuckle. “No, thanks anyway, man, but we were just about to head out.”

Jared glances at Jensen, but there doesn’t seem to be upset by the prospect of his friends leaving, so Jared figures their visit was a good thing as far as Jensen’s morale goes.

“Are you sure?” Jared asks anyway, wanting to keep that little smile on Jensen’s face for as long as possible. “Got plenty to go around and Jensen’s slowly making his way through my DVD collection, so you’ll miss out on the opportunity for some quality mickey taking on my behalf. Jensen says I have bad taste.”

Jensen laughs. “You do have bad taste. Last night I had to suffer through _Pitch Perfect_.”

“That’s a good movie! And you picked it anyway, so you’ve only got yourself to blame.”

Jensen shrugs, neither conceding nor arguing the point, so Jared lets it go for now.

“Alright, I think it’s time we really did head off,” Steve says as he gets to his feet, pulling Chris with him, “we really only stopped by to make sure this guy was still in the land of the living.” 

Something unnamable passes between Steve and Jensen while Chris watches with a sad sort of smile on his face and it takes Jared a minute to remember what Danneel said, that it was Steve who found Jensen after his accidentally-on-purpose suicide attempt. He doesn’t know how he would feel if he’d been in Steve shoes and he steps back a little, giving the three of them time together.

“Will the two of you get out of here?” Jensen says after a few short minutes and he waves towards the front door. “I’m starving and I want some of that chili, so go on, get.”

Steve and Chris hold their hands up in mock surrender as they back away towards the door. “Alright,” Chris says, “we know when we’re not wanted.”

“I’d like to take this opportunity to point out that it’s your friend kicking you out,” Jared says smugly. “I offered to let you stay for dinner.”

Steve winks. “Yeah, and we can already tell that Jensen’s got you wrapped around his little finger.” He shrugs. “Not saying it’s a bad place to be.”

“No complaints here.”

He follows the two musicians to the door, pulling it open for them and watching fondly as they step out into the dark Texas night. “Seriously, though, I would like to hear your guys play sometime, so let me know when you’re next show is. I’ll work something out and make sure Jensen and I are both there.”

“I’ll text Jensen as soon as we have details,” Chris promises. He salutes Jared with two fingers before pulling a set of car keys from his pocket and smirking at Steve as he walks down to the sidewalk.

Steve makes no move to follow him.

“Steve?”

Steve takes a deep breath. “I know you’re not…most people in your situation, they woulda never gave Jensen a chance, woulda never hired him in the first place, never mind take him in, give him some place to call home.”

“Steve, I…” Steve cuts Jared off.

“Jensen and Danni wouldn’t tell me everything, they like you too much, but I know there’s more going on with you and Jensen than just friendship. It’s obvious, the way he talks about you, the way you look at him.”

“I’m not taking advantage of him, Steve, I would never do that,” Jared explains quickly. “I mean, yeah, we…there’s something there, between us, I care about him a lot and we’ve made out some, but it’s never gone further than that. Jensen’s just not ready.”

Steve nods. “He’s been through a lot and he didn’t exactly deal with it all in the healthiest of ways, but still, I know it could have been a lot worse.”

Jared looks over his shoulder, back at the door that leads to the living room and Jensen. “He’s still not…I mean, he still has a long way to go.”

“I know that, but this is still a hell of a lot further than he’s ever gotten before. Eight years he’s been trying to pull himself out of that hole. Think he just needs something to look up to.” Steve smirks as he gazes up at Jared. “Figuratively and literally.”

Jared wants to ask, he wants to know if Steve knows about Jensen being raped, wants to know what happened in the days leading up to Steve finding Jensen in time to save his life. There are still a lot of empty questions and Steve could probably answer all of them.

But Jared holds his tongue. What he and Jensen have is based on trust and Jared doesn’t want to risk that by going behind his back and digging into Jensen’s past. He’s knows there’s still a lot that Jensen hasn’t told him, a lot that he’s missing, but Jared will be damned before he allows himself to learn the truth from someone who isn’t Jensen.

“It’s not exactly a struggle,” he says instead, nodding his head slight. “Jensen is…the most amazing person I have ever met. I can’t remember what my life was like before he was part of it and I honestly don’t care. Whatever Jensen needs, I’ll be here for him, all the way.” Jared clears his throat. 

Steve’s blue eyes sparkle. “Good answer.”

A car horn blares before Jared can ask what that means and Steve rolls his eyes.

“Guess I better go, he’s got a date tonight, clearly doesn’t want to be late.” Steve starts down the steps. “I’ll see you around, Jared. ‘Cause you know Kane’s gonna be checking up on Jensen a lot more, he’s kind of a bulldog.”

Jared laughs. “I’m looking forward to it.”

“Oh, so am I.” Steve winks and then he’s gone.

Jared stands there for another few minutes, watching the taillights vanish, before he shivers slightly in the cool evening air and turns back inside.

“Did you have fun talking about me?” 

Jensen’s still sitting on the floor when Jared pushes open the door to the living room and Jared’s a little surprised that his question isn’t accompanied by a glare or frown. Instead, Jensen is smiling, a knowing look in his eyes like he knows Jared just wouldn’t be able to stop himself.

“In my defense, Steve was the one who started it,” he explains and Jensen just shakes his head. “He’s just worried about you.”

“I know he is. You should have seen how annoyed he was when you weren’t here when they arrived earlier. Think that’s why they hung around so long, so that he could interrogate you.”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I think I passed whatever test he devised for me. Though he says that if I fuck up, he’s gonna sic Chris on me. I think I’m scared for my manhood.”

Jensen waves a hand. “Please, Chris is nothing but a big softy. There’s a reason why he writes so many love songs.”

“I really wanna go hear them play sometime,” Jared interjects.

“I’ll get Danneel to make you a CD or send you their songs or something.” Jensen shrugs. “I haven’t exactly gotten around to replacing my iPod or laptop yet.”

Jared bites down hard on his tongue to stop himself from offering to take Jensen shopping or jumping for his own computer to start researching. Buying Jensen things – even though he has more than enough money right now to keep them both comfortable for the rest of their lives – won’t really help Jensen in the long run. Jared has already taken away a lot of Jensen’s independence by moving Jensen in without permission; Jared doesn’t want to go any further than that.

Still, he wonders if a raise is totally out of the question.

“Yeah,” he says instead, barreling right over Jensen’s quiet confession, “I definitely want to know what I’m letting myself in for.”

“They’re good, I promise.”

Suddenly, Jared remembers the chili he brought home with him and turns around to spot it where he left it, on the bureau in the hallway.

“So, chili for dinner?”

“Sounds good,” Jensen nods, “I just hope it’s better than Vicki’s tuna casserole.”

Jared laughs loudly. “I am so telling Misha you said that.”

Jensen’s eyes grow wide. “No, Jared, seriously, it was just a joke. I liked the casserole.”

Jared cackles some more and picks up the pot to take it to the kitchen.

“Jared, really!”

Jensen chases after him.

///

“Okay, but can it be done?” Jared says into his phone, running his fingers through his dark hair. “I’ve found a place on the other side of the campus; I just wanna know if we can swing it.”

On the other end of the line, Jeff Morgan lets out a weary sigh. _“You know I can swing it, Jared. I just don’t know if this is something you should be doing.”_

Jared knows that Jeff means well with whatever concerns he has, but he can’t help feeling a little insulted nonetheless.

Jared grumbles. “This isn’t just for me, you know? I want Jensen to have something good in his life, something real and solid. He can’t have that with _Jay’s Pad_ because it’s mine. This new place can be ours.”

 _“And_ Jay’s Pad _?”_ Jeff asks. _“Are you going to be okay just handing it over to someone else? Some stranger?”_

Jared shakes his head, oblivious of the fact that Jeff can’t see him. “It won’t be like that. I have my staff. Gen’s a great manger and Matt and Danni can help her out. And Jensen and I will still be part of the team. I’m not turning my back on this place.”

Jeff takes a deep breath. _“I’m just making sure you’ve really thought about this, Jared. I don’t want you to end up like you did when you were trying to run_ Jay’s Pad _and_ Colt’s _at the same time. You were exhausted and stressed out and a pain in the ass.”_

They laugh and Jared starts a little when the door to his office opens and he looks up from the notes he’s made to see Genevieve standing in the doorway of his office.

“Oh,” she says, a little embarrassed, “I’m sorry, I can come back later.”

Jared shakes his head. “No, it’s fine, come in.”

Genevieve gives him a confused smile before doing as he asks, closing the door behind her before she takes a seat on the chair on the other side of Jared’s desk, setting the purse that had rested there on the floor.

Jared really should think about getting staff lockers or something.

 _“Are you talking to me?”_ Jeff asks and Jared laughs.

“No, man, Genevieve’s here, I was gonna talk to her about…well, everything.”

_“Get that ball rolling, huh?”_

“Yeah, I’ll go see the realtor about the shop tomorrow, put in an offer.”

_“Alright, tell me when and where and I’ll meet you then.”_

Jeff ends the call without saying ‘goodbye’ and Jared just laughs again. When he looks back up at Genevieve, she’s frowning, staring at the phone still in Jared’s hand.

“What’s going on? Are you buying a new shop? Again?”

“First things first,” Jared says, reaching into the top drawer of his desk and taking out the check he had the accountant make out for him the day he sold _Colt’s._

He studies it for a few seconds, second-guessing himself and wondering how his friend is going to react. But she was a partner in _Colt’s_ and she deserves her share of the money from the sale and the amount on the check more than covers her twenty per cent stake.

So Jared takes a deep breath to calm his nerves and hands the check over. “This is for you.”

Genevieve takes the simple piece of paper with a frown, staring down at it like it’s something foreign. 

She blinks and looks back up at Jared. “I’m not getting the joke. Weirdly, only Jensen seems to understand your sense of humor, which is strange, since he’s so nice and normal and you’re just…not.”

Jared rolls his eyes. “It’s not a joke, Gen.”

“How is Jensen, anyway? Has he gotten his cast off yet?” She throws the check on Jared’s desk and settles back in the chair.

“Gen, it’s not a joke. I’ll wire this money into your account if that’s what it takes.”

Genevieve blinks again. “That check is made out for two million dollars, Jared. You are not giving me two million dollars.”

“Oh, but I am.” Jared leans across the desk and waves the check under her nose. “I sold _Colt’s_.”

“You sold _Colt’s_?” she repeats. “What about Stephen? All the staff?”

Jared suppresses a grin. Trust Genevieve to think of other people before herself.

“Stephen actually gave me the idea. He told me a while ago that he wanted to start his own coffee shop. Something that he had completely control over and he was moving to Portland to do it. But he also said that he’d thought about buying _Colt’s_ from me and couldn’t afford it.” Jared shrugs. “What the hell do I need that place – or places – for anyhow? Might as well get rid of it and do some good with the cash.” He waves the check again.

“How much was it worth?”

Jared narrows his eyes at her, grinning like it’s one huge conspiracy. “How much was it worth or how much did I sell it for?”

Genevieve eyes the check. “Are you seriously telling me that a coffee chain sold for more than…what? Four million dollars?”

Jared grins. “A lot more. That’s just your share.”

“I only owned twenty percent,” Genevieve gasps. “Are you seriously telling me that you sold _Colt’s_ for ten million dollars?!”

“Close enough.”

“Holy shit, Jared!”

He shushes her. “Keep your voice down, no one actually knows about this. I haven’t even told Jensen yet.”

“Jared, I can’t take this money from you.”

“Yes, you can, because it’s just the return on the money you invested in the first place.”

Tentatively, like she thinks it’s going to vanish or jump up and bite her, Genevieve reaches out with a shaking hand and takes the check from Jared.

“I can’t believe this. I could pay off my college loans, get a new car, a nice apartment. I don’t know what to say.”

“Nothing to say, except maybe answering ‘yes’ to my next question.”

Genevieve laughs, a little nervously. “I don’t know how much more I can take today, Jared.”

“You heard what I was talking about on the phone when you came in here.” Jared doesn’t phrase it like a question, he knows his friend heard everything and he’s not concerned about that, but she nods her head anyway.

“I am opening another shop, on the other side of campus. With Jensen, hopefully. We’ll still be working here in the mornings, maybe not quite so early and we might need to take on another baker, just to pick up the slack, but we’ll be spending most of our time at the new place.”

“What kind of shop?” Genevieve asks. “Another coffee place? Like _Colt’s_?”

Jared starts to shake his head, but he pauses, thinking it over. “Well, not…okay, yeah, we’ll probably still serve coffee, but I was thinking more like a shop that only sells desserts, pies and cakes and stuff, like we do here, but no meals or things like that. And we’ll only be open a few hours a day, to really sell the exclusivity part. Maybe noon until six, or seven. I don’t know; it’s just an idea right now.”

Genevieve nods, her expression thoughtful. “I like it, sounds interesting. But what do you need from me?”

Jared winces and looks down at his hands folded together on top of the desk. This was the part that could go horribly wrong, depending on Genevieve’s reaction. He doesn’t have anyone else in mind for the job and if Genevieve says ‘no’ he’ll have to look for someone else. He already knows Danneel won’t do it – her self-confidence issues when it comes to her professional life are something that has always fascinated Jared and something he’s always tried to fix – and there’s no one else on his staff who would want to spend the rest of their career working in a coffee shop, manager or not. And he doesn’t relish the idea of leaving his baby in the hands of some stranger. 

“I want you to take over as manager of this place.” He waves his hand in the air, so that Genevieve knows that he’s talking about _Jay’s Pad_.

“I thought I already was, kinda?” she says, an adorable frown creasing her forehead.

“I mean officially, through the books and the lawyers or whatever. Like I said, Jensen and I will probably still be a part of this place, but most of our time will be spent at the new place. I need someone I can trust to run this place, someone I know can handle everything that it entails and won’t buckle under the pressure. That’s you, Gen.”

Genevieve shakes her head, but it doesn’t look to Jared like she’s saying ‘no’, more like she’s having trouble taking everything in.

“Jared, this place is yours, your pride and joy. Your dream, the only one you’ve ever really had. How can you think about just…giving it away, even to me?”

“I’m not ‘giving it away’, Gen,” he says, air quotes around the words. “This won’t be like _Colt’s_. I just want you – and Danneel – to take care of this place when I’m not here.”

“We already do that!”

“Officially!”

Genevieve sighs, slumping back in her chair, but she’s smiling again and Jared relaxes a little.

“I’m not gonna be spending twelve hours every day in this place, Jared, I have a life.”

Jared nods. “Jensen and I will still be here to open up, at least until we find someone we can trust to train up and take over Jensen’s baking role here. And you can change the closing hours if you want, shave off an hour or something. Your shift patterns won’t really change all that much.”

Her smile softens. “You really care about him, don’t you?”

“I do,” he admits truthfully. “And I want him to have something real, something that’s his and mine and not just mine.”

“He’s lucky to have you.”

With an embarrassed smile, Jared shakes his head. “I’m the lucky one. He’s finally making me want to slow down, after six years of nothing but work. It’s time I took a little time for myself, to spend with someone I really care about.”

“I could have told you that years ago.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t have Jensen years ago, did I?”

“I’ll blame Danneel for that,” Genevieve decides. “She could have brought him around a lot sooner, maybe you both would have been fixed sooner.”

“No,” Jared says softly, “Jensen needed…he needed to work through his own issues, to get on his own two feet before he tried to have a relationship with anybody.”

“But you’re good for him,” Genevieve points out. “I’m glad the two of you found each other.”

“Does that mean you’ll do it?”

“Only if Danneel agrees to sign on with me. I can’t do this on my own. I’m not you, Jared.”

Jared shrugs. “Done.”

“Do we get a raise?”

“I just gave you two million dollars!”

“You didn’t give Danneel two million dollars and if she’s gonna be a manager of this place, she deserves a raise.”

“Alright, also done.”

“Then on behalf of Danneel and myself I would like to officially accept the position.” Genevieve bounces in her chair. “I’m gonna go tell her and then I’m heading straight for the bank.”

The door slams closed behind her before Jared can say anything and he leans back in his chair with a smile on his face.

It feels good, knowing that he’s doing something for himself personally, and not just something for the business.

Jensen has been getting better since the mugging. He’s still a little quiet, not quite back to the calm person he was when Jared first met him, but Jared has a feeling that that has more to do with the fact that he told Jared his biggest secret than with the mugging itself.

Jensen still jumps at shadows, though, and walks on the other side of Jared or whoever he’s with if they pass by any alleyways, but at least he’s not locking himself in the house and refusing to ever leave again, which Jared thinks has more to do with Dr. Rhodes than Jared.

Jared misses Jensen when he’s at work. Even though Jensen got his cast off the day before and his stitches out weeks ago, he’s still not back at work full time, only coming in in the mornings with Jared to make the day’s goodies, before Jared or someone takes him home. Jared doesn’t see him again until his shift ends, and it’s getting a little tiring, as far as Jared is concerned. He likes the idea of them going to work and coming home together, sharing their day with each other. Jensen isn’t the type of person that you can spend too much time with and Jared aches every single moment he and Jensen are apart. 

Maybe he should spend some time with Dr. Rhodes on his own; shit like that can’t be healthy.

He’s just about to call Danneel or Genevieve in and ask them to take on their new roles right now – allowing him to go home and spend some much needed time with Jensen and Sadie – when he’s cellphone rings.

Jared sighs deeply and picks it up from the desk, grumbling under his breath when he reads the name on the display.

He contemplates not answering for a few short seconds. They haven’t spoken since that awful day with Tahmoh, and Jared knows that his mother still doesn’t think that she did anything wrong and Jared has just grown tired of trying to make her understand.

And still, despite all of that, he does miss her. She’s his mother, and, when she can put her feelings about Jared’s career aside, he knows she loves him. With everything that he’s learned about Jensen’s parents, it’s made Jared wish all the more that he’d tried harder to fix whatever has been broken in his own family.

But that doesn’t mean he has the energy to start.

“Mom, I’m at work right now. I’m not in the mood to listen to you dump all over my life and tell me how much of a disappointment I am.”

The sarcastic, snappy rejoinder is almost reflex by now and Jared cringes when it rolls out of his mouth almost without permission.

 _“That’s not why I’m calling,”_ Sharon snaps and Jared rolls his eyes. No ‘I don’t think you’re a disappointment’, or ‘I would never say that to you’, no apologies for the last time they spoke on the phone. Nothing, and Jared doesn’t know why that upsets him so much.

“Well, whatever, I’m busy, Mom, whatever you like to think, so can you at least make this quick?”

She sighs, like it’s such a hardship to talk to her own son and Jared feels his skin prickle at the thought. _“Your sister is getting married, Jared. She just announced her engagement to William last night. I’m planning a dinner to officially welcome him to the family, so I expect you to be here bright and early on Saturday, since you failed to attend the last family dinner I prepared. You at least owe your sister that much.”_

Jared bites his tongue, the guilt she’s trying to bring out in him not materializing.

“Sure, Mom, whatever. Jensen and I will be there, for Megan.”

 _“Who’s Jensen?”_ she asks after a slight pause, the name rolling off her tongue like it’s something dirty.

“My boyfriend? The man I’m living with? I thought this might be a good time to introduce him to the family, too.”

_“Jared, this party is for your sister. I think it’s very selfish of you to try and steal her thunder like this.”_

“I’m not trying to steal anything, Mom. I would just like my partner to be included in family gatherings, just like my siblings’ partners.”

Sharon tuts. _“Jared, I won’t indulge your whims. This is a family occasion. I don’t feel it’s appropriate for you to bring along your current flavor of the month.”_

Jared hangs up.

He just can’t take it, can’t take listening to his mother put down his life like he’s not even part of the family.

“I’m going home,” he informs Danneel as soon as he steps foot out of his office and into the kitchen.

She gives him a look that’s full of something that looks a lot like sympathy that has Jared wondering if she was listening at the door.

“What happened? Gen practically skipped outta there not five minutes ago.”

“My mom called.”

Jared doesn’t elaborate and Danneel doesn’t press for details, just waves her hand towards the back door.

“Tell Jensen I said I’ll call him later.”

Jared just nods and escapes, wishing like hell that he’d driven to work that morning, because now he has to walk home and it’ll be that much longer until he sees Jensen.

///

Jensen’s standing in the middle of the hallway with the – brand new – house phone in his hand when Jared finally gets home.

“Hey,” he says and Jensen blinks up at him. 

“Whatever I did to piss off your mom, can you please tell her that I’m sorry? ‘Cause I get the feeling that she’s on her way here to murder me in my sleep tonight.”

Jared gasps. “My mom called?” He rolls his eyes. Of course his mom called, he’d refused to answer his cellphone after he’d hung up and when she’d called for the seventeenth time in ten minutes, Jared had turned the whole goddamn phone off completely.

Still, Jensen nods. “She wanted to know who I was and why you were allowing your lodger to answer the phone.”

Jensen seems hurt, upset, like he can’t handle knowing that Jared hasn’t told his parents about their relationship.

“I’m going to kill her. She did not say that! I just got done arguing about her not letting me bring you to some big family dinner she’s planning. She knows about you, Jensen, you heard me on the phone with her after the Tahmoh thing. I swear to God, I told her about you.”

Jensen manages a wry smile. “Parents, huh? Always thinking they know what’s best for their kids.”

“I wish she’d stop trying to run my life. I’m starting to wonder if you had the right idea.”

Jensen cocks an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”

“You didn’t like the way your parents were treating you, so you cut them out of your life. Though it’s really only my mom acting this way, so I don’t know how that would work.”

Jensen shakes his head. “You don’t want that, trust me.”

Jared shrugs. “Sometimes I think I do.” 

The phone rings and Jensen looks at it like it’s going to tear his face off so Jared snatches it out of his hand.

“Look, Mom, I’m done talking to you about this,” he snaps. “The way you spoke to Jensen was beyond out of line. Jensen is my boyfriend, my partner, not some stranger renting out a room from me and the sooner you learn that the better it’ll be for all of us.”

 _“This isn’t Mom,”_ the person on the other end of the line says and Jared falters.

“Oh, Megan. Hi.”

 _“Hi,”_ Jared’s sister says sweetly. _“Mom says you’re not coming to my engagement dinner?”_ She phrases it like a question, like she can’t think of any reason Jared would decline an invite.

“I don’t think Mom really wants me there, Meg. She’d rather forget all about her embarrassment of a middle child.”

Megan huffs. _“She’s not embarrassed of you, Jared. She’s just trying to make you see that there’s more to life than running a coffee shop.”_

Jared gapes, staring at Jensen’s concerned face as he thinks about what his sister just said.

“So,” he manages finally, “you’ve bought into Mom’s rantings, huh? Gotta say, Megan, I thought I at least had one ally in this family.”

She sighs. _“Jared-”_

“I’m happy, Megan. I have a great, successful business, a nice house, a wonderful boyfriend. When did all of that stop being more important than having more money than I know what to do with?”

Megan clicks her tongue. _“Jeff was just promoted to Chief Trauma Surgeon at the hospital and I’ve just accepted a junior partner position at a law firm in Austin. Next to that, a coffee shop doesn’t really compare.”_

Jared bites down hard on his tongue, seconds away from revealing everything and bragging about how much money he has in his bank account.

But Jared isn’t like that, he never has been. All he wants is to be treated the same as his brother and sister, to be shown a little bit of respect by those he thought were supposed to love and support him the most, but wants that to be because of the person he is, not because of how much he earns.

“You know, I’d like to know just when exactly my family was replaced with these elitist types who think money and social standing are more important than love and happiness. You’d think we were the Ackles or something.”

Jared smiles and Jensen just rolls his eyes at the joke.

 _“Jared, honestly, I’m just worried about you, about how you’re surviving, what you’re going to do when you get a little older. Are you even saving for your retirement? I can’t imagine you’re making enough to have a decent retirement fund.”_ Megan sighs. _“Is that really so bad, Big Brother? That I want to make sure that you’re taken care off when you’re older? That’s why we’re always pushing you to make more of your life, to put your degree to better use. You could be so successful, Jared, if only you had a little bit of ambition. A little bit of drive.”_

“I have plenty of ambition and drive, Megan, and trust me; my business degree is getting enough of a work out up here.” Jared takes a deep breath. “I just…I’d rather be happy than some rich guy who’s all alone.”

Jensen rolls his eyes at that, but there’s a pleased smile on his face, like he’s touched at the idea that he means more to someone than being successful.

_“And just what is that supposed to mean exactly?”_

Jared blinks, startled by Megan’s harsh tone, but he doesn’t back down. “How many hours a week do you work, Meg? Do you even have a social life?”

_“What does it matter whether I have a social life or not? I have a good career, a great man in my life who wants to marry me. What more could you want, Jared?”_

Jared locks his gaze to Jensen’s. “Time to spend with that man, maybe? I know I’d go insane if I didn’t get to spend time with Jensen every day.”

Megan makes a noise in the back of her throat. _“It’s been, what? Two months? It’s not like you guys are even remotely serious.”_

Jared bites down on his tongue so hard he tastes blood. “It’s been almost five.”

_“Like that makes it better.”_

“It’s enough for me!” Jared snaps and, much to his relief, Jensen’s smile remains.

Megan says nothing for a few seconds and Jared is seriously tempted to just hang up the phone, but she speaks up before he has a chance to.

_“Can you just come to my engagement party? I want my whole family to be there.”_

“Can I bring Jensen?”

She sighs again. _“Jared-”_

“Is Lisa going to be there?”

_“You know she is; she’s Jeff’s wife.”_

“Then I don’t see why I can’t bring the man I’m planning to spend the rest of my life with to this party just because we can’t legally get married in Texas.”

Megan tuts. _“That’s not it and you know it.”_

“Isn’t it?”

_“No! I just don’t want to meet this…guy at my engagement party. Is it so bad that I want this party to be all about me?”_

“And William,” Jared adds with a roll of his eyes.

_“Well, yes, of course. That goes without saying.”_

“Jared,” Jensen says softly and Jared puts his hand over the speaker on the phone. 

“What?”

“I don’t want to meet your family like this, Jared.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re upset. Neither your mom nor your sister want me at this family dinner and you forcing the issue will only piss them off even more. I don’t want to go there when I know no one wants me to be there.”

Jared sighs. “ _I_ want you there.”

“And I love you for that, I do,” Jensen admits softly, “but now isn’t the right time for me to meet your family, man.” 

Reluctantly, Jared nods. He knows what his mother is like, and she might try to do whatever she could to exclude Jensen from all conversation just out of spite and not getting her own way. Jared doesn’t want to subject Jensen to that.”

“You’ll be meeting them eventually, though,” he warns as he takes his hand away from the speaker.

“I don’t doubt it for a second.”

“Alright, Meg, here’s the deal.”

Megan squeaks. _“There’s a deal now?”_

Jared ignores her. “I’ll leave Jensen at home this weekend on one condition.”

Her exaggerated sigh echoes across the line. _“And what condition would that be?”_

“You have to promise me, _promise_ me, that Jensen is allowed to come to the wedding as my guest.”

 _“Sure,”_ she says, a little too quickly and flippantly and Jared frowns.

“Are you agreeing now because you don’t think Jensen and I will still be together then?”

Megan’s silence is almost deafening.

“I’m hanging up now.”

_“Jared, wait! I’m sorry! It’s just…you’ve never really had a serious relationship, okay? And what with the coffee shop…”_

Jared narrows his eyes even though his sister isn’t in the room to get the full effect of his glare. “What about my coffee shop?”

_“It’s just…we all just assumed that this was your way of rebelling, you know? Against social norms or whatever.”_

“By owning a fucking coffee shop?!”

_“And by being gay and sleeping around. We just thought this meant that you never wanted anything like a real relationship, kids and all that.”_

“I do not sleep around!” Jared screams down the line, making Jensen wince and Jared blanches, color draining from his face as he closes the distance between them. “I’ve only been with three people, Megan.”

 _“Well, I…I mean I…”_ Megan stammers. _“That’s just what you hear, about gay men.”_

“And all those stories we hear about college girls and sororities and frat houses? Are all those true?”

_“Of course not!”_

“Then you should understand that you shouldn’t believe everything you’ve been told!”

Megan’s quiet for a few seconds before she takes a deep breath. _“I didn’t mean…Jared, you don’t ever tell us anything. You’ve hardly been to visit in years.”_

“Do you blame me? When all you guys do is tell me how pathetic I am and how embarrassed you all are of me?”

 _“We’re not embarrassed,”_ Megan repeats, more force behind her words this time. _“We just want what’s best for you.”_

“I am happy,” Jared says slowly. “I am happy; I have a great job, great friends and an amazing boyfriend. Isn’t that enough? Why can’t that be enough for you and Mom and everyone else?”

 _“Yeah,”_ Megan says, her voice low, like she’s only now starting to understand Jared’s point of view. _“Yeah, it’s enough. It’s enough for me.”_

Jared releases a breath he doesn’t know he’s been holding. “Thank you.”

_“If you come on Saturday, I promise I’ll talk to Mom.”_

“Okay, fine.”

_“And I’ll send…Jensen, is it? He’ll be at the wedding. I’ll make sure the invitation is addressed to the both of you.”_

“Thank you,” he repeats.

_“And I’m sorry, Jared, that we made you feel like you weren’t enough for us.”_

She hangs up before Jared can come up with a suitable response to that and Jared throws the phone towards the couch, not really caring when it bounces off the cushion and onto the floor.

Talking to his family shouldn’t be this stressful, shouldn’t hurt this much and Jared is getting really tired of it. He’s starting to think that they just aren’t worth it.

Suddenly, there are hands in Jared’s hair and Jared opens his eyes, not remembering when he closed them, to see Jensen standing in front of him, less than an inch separating them.

“Breathe,” he tells Jared gently, “just breathe. It’s just me here now.”

“Why do they do this?” Jared whispers. “Why am I such a disappointment to them?”

“It’s not really you, Jared, you just don’t fit their idea of what you should be and they can’t seem to get past that.”

Jared swallows hard. “Is that what happened with your parents?”

Jensen chuckles drily. “My parents blamed me for all the negative press they got because I let myself get raped by some random guy in a dirty alley. They disowned me because they couldn’t understand why everyone hated them for not standing by me. My parents are in a whole class of their own.”

Jared takes hold of Jensen’s biceps and pulls him in even closer. “You are not to blame for what happened, you understand me?”

“Really? Then why haven’t they spoken to me since the night before the trial, when I told them I was going to do everything I could to catch that guy? They stopped paying the rent on my apartment when I told them I was testifying and I couldn’t afford it on my own, because they never let me have a job while I was in college, said it split my focus. So I had to move out and I had to crash on my brother’s couch, even with all the injuries I had, until Danneel agreed to let me move into her apartment so that she could look after me. My boyfriend at the time said he was too busy with college to help. My parents are the reason Josh eventually moved out of State. He couldn’t handle dealing with our parents after they did that, so he took a job in New Mexico, cut our parents out of his life without actually saying the words.”

“What about your sister?”

“She doesn’t know the whole story. She’s seven years younger than I am, so she was still in high school at the time. She was too young. I couldn’t deal with her looking at me the same way my parents did and I know they tried to shield her from the media as much as possible.”

“Jensen, you have to know that your sister wouldn’t think any less of you if she knew the truth.” Jared pauses. “Well, she might be pissed at you for keeping the truth from her.”

Jensen scoffs a laugh and makes his way to the living room, sinking down onto the couch.

“My parents did,” he says calmly. “That’s what I can’t get past, Jared. I can never forget the looks on their faces when we were in the DA’s office. It was like they didn’t even know me, like they couldn’t understand the need I had to make sure this guy was behind bars. My dad yelled so loud, screamed at me for being a disgrace to my family, dragging our name through the mud like that. The way he was talking, you’d have thought that I was the rapist instead of the victim.”

“All that tells me is the kind of people your parents are, Jensen, not about how Mackenzie will react. It didn’t change how I looked at you did it? Or Josh or Danneel?”

“But what does it say about _me_ , Jared? What does it say about me that my parents couldn’t see their past their name and their social life and their money to take care of their own child during the most traumatic time of his life?”

“Nothing,” Jared says honestly, “it says nothing about you because it’s not about _you;_ it’s not about anything you did or didn’t do. It’s about them. It’s about how closed-minded they are, how…how…how their _image_ and social standing or whatever means more to them than their own son. It doesn’t reflect on you, please, you have to believe that, Jensen.”

Jensen smiles, his eyes a little bit bright than before. “I think I’m finally starting to get there.” He leans forward a little and presses his lips to Jared before jerking back sharply to look into Jared’s eyes. “But don’t ever stop telling me, okay?”

“Never,” Jared agrees.

They collapse into silence for a while, but it’s comfortable, the kind of silence that speaks of connection between two people that words can’t express and Jared relaxes back against the cushions, a warm feeling settling somewhere in his chest.

Jared snorts when, after a few minutes, Jensen reaches forward to pick his new iPhone up off the end table. It was Jensen’s one big purchase he allowed himself after the mugging, now that he doesn’t have to worry about saving money for an apartment, though he still pays his share of the bills now that he’s living with Jared full time. Jared had, at first, thought that the phone was a good idea, especially in the few weeks he was out of commission after the mugging. But Jensen’s addiction to Candy Crush Saga and Words With Friends is becoming something of a joke and Jared’s seriously considering confiscating it – or at the very least, put a time limit on the amount of hours Jensen’s allowed to play every day.

It really wouldn’t surprise him to learn that Jensen’s staying up all hours of the night swapping candies.

“I was telling the truth, you know.” When Jensen frowns, Jared carries on. “When I told Megan that I’d only been with three people. And one of them is you.”

Jensen blushes fiercely and drops the phone to his lap. “I’ve only…there was this one guy I was dating, in college, I was dating him when…when everything happened. There hasn’t been anyone since.”

Jared pauses, his head cocked to one side. “You were dating someone when you were attacked?” He remembers the conversation the night Jensen was mugged and he knows Jensen mentioned losing someone, but Jensen never went into details and Jared never pushed. This is the first time Jensen’s spoken about him since that night and Jared’s dying to know the story behind what happened.

“His name was Tom,” Jensen says softly, setting his phone on the couch cushion beside him. “We met in college, he was an Economics major, I think, or journalism. Can’t remember. We’d been together for about a year before…before the rape.”

“He left you?” Jared guesses and Jensen nods.

“He stuck around for a while, but it became obvious fairly quickly that he was only with me because of my last name. He kept trying to change my mind about the trial, telling me about how horrible it would be, how traumatic and how he didn’t want me to have to go through all of that.” Jensen wipes away a tear and Jared shuffles closer on the couch. “He even went to the DA behind my back and told her than I’d changed my mind about testifying. My mom called to ask if it was true and hung up when I told her I didn’t know what she was talking about. Tom was livid.”

“God, what a bastard. And you wanted to be with this guy?” It comes out a lot more hostile that Jared intended and he pulls back slightly, a contrite look on his face. “Sorry, sorry, that was…I didn’t mean to be so harsh, but…”

Jensen just smiles. “I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. I knew he was probably struggling with what happened as well, I was very conscious of the fact that I wasn’t the only person who was hurt by what happened.”

“So, since you’re sitting here, am I right in guessing that this story doesn’t have a happy ending?”

Jensen snorts. “Do any of my stories have happy endings?”

“I’d like to think that this one will.”

Jensen blushes and shoves Jared gently, but Jared just snuggles back closer than before.

“The last straw came when…when Tom tried to have sex with me.” Jensen says in a rush, like he wants to get all the words out before he chokes on them, and next to him, Jared stiffens, shocked. 

“He did what?”

Jensen just shrugs in that infuriating way he has. “It was about…” he looks off into the distance, like he’s remembering that time in his mind’s eye. “About six months after the rape, before the trial. Tom put on this big show, a big production of taking me out to the theater, to dinner; he didn’t really seem all that surprised when the paparazzi caught us.”

“He set it up, you mean,” Jared fills in but Jensen moves on.

“When we got home, well, back to his place, he got me a glass of wine, led me to the bedroom. I was shaking I was so nervous, but he said we were just going to sleep and I believed him.”

“He tried something?” Jared guesses.

Jensen nods. “We started making out, and he got a little more heated than I wanted. I pulled back when his hands went for my belt buckle, told him I wasn’t ready. I was still healing, technically, even though it had been months, there was still…I was still hurting, physically, not just mentally, and I told Tom that. He got so mad, told me I couldn’t hold out on him forever and I had to get back into the saddle, had to give him what he wanted or he wasn’t going to hang around.” Jensen shudders and curls himself into a ball in the corner of the couch. “It was a little too close to what Shaw said to me, so I just got up and walked out. Walked all the way back to Danni’s place. Damn, but she was pissed.”

Jared can’t help it, he lets out a loud laugh. “You just…you just left?”

“What else was I supposed to do?”

“No, nothing, I just thought…I was expecting you to tell me he kicked you out or something.”

Jensen shakes his head. “He tried calling a few times, told me he was sorry, that he’d wait until I was ready and I was almost, _almost_ ready to talk to him again when some story popped up on one of those gossip sights claiming that I was punishing myself for what happened to me and how Tom was trying so hard to help me, but I just wouldn’t let him. Chris went to pay him a visit after that.” Jensen squirms again. “That’s actually how Chris found out what happened to me. The real story, I mean. Up until then, I’d told Chris and Steve that it was a gay bashing. Chris was so fucking mad when he heard the truth, couldn’t understand why I didn’t trust him and Steve enough to tell them. He didn’t really get that it wasn’t about trusting them, I just didn’t want to seem pathetic to them as well.”

“Chris seems a very protective sort of guy.”

“With Chris, friends come first.”

“I’m sorry, Jensen,” Jared says meaningfully. “You’ve…the things you’ve gone through…I can’t even imagine. The fact that you’re still standing shows just how much strength you have. I’m so proud of you, proud to be with you. And I promise, I will never, ever, try to push you for sex.”

“I know you wouldn’t. You’re a good man, Jared, that’s why you’re going to go to your sister’s dinner party and you are going to smile like the proud big brother that you are and you’re not going to let them get to you, okay?” Jensen leans closer and kisses Jared firmly. “And someday, you are going to tell your family everything, okay? They need to know, Jared, not so that they can brag and give you a bunch of ‘I-told-you-so’s’, but so that you can sleep easy at night knowing that you’re not hiding anything from anyone anymore.”

Guilt niggles at the back of Jared’s mind again, the money from the sale of _Colt’s_ weighing heavily on him and he promises to tell Jensen everything when he gets back from his parents. He doesn’t want to deal with anymore revelations now.

“I love you,” he says instead and kisses Jensen again, slow and deep and perfect.

Jensen smiles into the kiss and presses closer, his whole body pressed against Jared’s as they make out on the couch.

Jensen moans, his lips moving across Jared’s jaw and down to his throat as Jared moves ever closer, his hands on Jensen’s waist and he lets out a surprised grunt when Jensen surges forward, straddling Jared’s thighs.

His lips come back to Jared’s, his tongue sweeping into Jared’s mouth and Jared moans again, shifting his hips. 

Their kisses get hungrier, hands in new places and gasps and groans passed from one to the other and Jared’s so fucking turned on he thinks he’s going to die.

This is the furthest they’ve ever gone, a few make-out sessions aside, and as Jared’s hands reach for Jensen’s ass, his fingers digging into the muscle there, he knows that this has to stop, neither of them is ready to take this any further and Jared – reluctantly – pulls away.

“Jensen,” he gasps and Jensen lets out a pained sounding groan before he presses his forehead to Jensen’s temple.

“I’m sorry,” the older man whispers and Jared takes his hands from Jensen’s ass to wrap them around his back, pulling him close and shushing him.

“Nothing to be sorry for,” he insists, “just don’t want to push, remember?”

Jensen pulls back slightly, looking down into Jared’s lust-blown eyes as he bites on his lower lip.

He looks like he’s contemplating something, his green eyes taking in every inch of Jared’s face; almost as if he’s looking for something he can’t quiet see.

Finally, he takes a deep breath and smiles before he presses one last kiss to Jared’s lips and practically jumps off of Jared’s lap and runs from the room. The sound of his bedroom door slamming shut is loud in the quietness.

Jared sits there for a few minutes, breathing heavily and staring at the ceiling, reliving the sensations of Jensen’s lips leaving a wet trail down his throat.

Suddenly, he leaps from the couch and out of the room, taking the stairs two at a time until he gets to his own bedroom and he slams the door almost twice as hard as Jensen did his own.

Jared collapses back against the door and all thoughts fall out of his head as he reaches for his belt buckle. He’s so hard it’s almost painful and he whines loudly when he finally gets his jeans down and his hand around his leaking cock.

Images of Jensen flood his mind as he strokes himself, his hand moving quickly as he cranes his head back until it hits wood.

Jensen’s name is on his lips, a mantra repeated over and over and over again. Jared sticks one finger in his mouth, getting it nice a wet, then he presses at the skin behind his balls, moving further back until he reaches his entrance. Jared jerks his cock faster as he pushes the tip of his index finger past the tight ring of muscle, not really wishing to go any further, but enjoying the stimulation anyway.

It doesn’t take Jared long to reach that peak and it’s with Jensen’s name on his lips and the idea that Jensen’s downstairs, in his own room, doing exactly the same thing Jared is doing that has Jared grunting loudly and spilling over his own fist.

Jared laughs and can’t really find it in himself to be embarrassed as he shuffles his way to the shower.

**Chapter 7**

Jared signs on the dotted line for the new premises two days later and then locks himself away in his office at _Jay’s Pad_ , putting together a coherent, comprehensive business plan that he can present to Jensen whenever he finds the right moment.

He has it all planned out, right down to the name, and it’s more perfect than Jared thought it ever could have hoped.

It’s certainly different, he thinks to himself as he gazes down at the file spread out in front of him. He doesn’t think he’s ever heard of anything like what he’s planning, not in Richardson, anyway, and he knows it’s going to be a huge risk that they’ll be undertaking, he just hopes that Jensen will be willing to give it a try.

With a deep sigh, Jared closes the file and shoves it into his bag and leans back in his chair, staring at the ceiling.

He really needs to leave, should have been on the road already in fact, but he can’t manage to make himself get up and go.

The thought of going home and spending any sort of time with his family fills him with dread and he knows he’s been putting off leaving until the last possible moment.

But now he has nothing left to distract himself with, so he really should at least get in the car and waste some more time there.

The door of the office opens with a quiet snick and Jared startles, looking up to see Jensen standing in the doorway, spinning Genevieve’s keys around on his finger.

“Come on,” he cajoles, “you can’t put this off forever.”

Jared tips his head back again and closes his eyes. “Watch me.”

Jensen sighs. “Jared, you have to do this. Your sister deserves to celebrate with her whole family.” He crosses the room to Jared’s side and lets out a startled yelp when Jared grabs him around the waist and pulls him down onto his lap.

“Can’t I just call in sick?”

Jensen leans forward a little and kisses him. “Not with your parents, no.”

“They hate me anyway, might as well just make it official.”

“They don’t hate you,” Jensen insists, “They just don’t understand you.”

“Same difference.”

Jensen shakes Jared a little. “Come on, it’s one night, less than eighteen hours. You can get in the car and drive back as soon as the sun rises tomorrow morning, I promise.”

Jared snorts. “I think they’d rather I didn’t show up at all than leave early.”

“Doesn’t matter, you never promised them how long you’d stay, just that you’d show up. If it wasn’t gonna be so late, I’d suggest you come back home tonight, but I don’t want you driving so late.”

Jared grins. “Aw, you worried about me, Baby?”

Jensen shrugs. “Maybe I like you or something.”

Jared kisses Jensen one last time before Jensen climbs off his lap and they both get to their feet.

They turn towards the door and Jared rolls his eyes, not really all that surprised to see Genevieve and Danneel watching them with sickly sweet smiles on their faces.

“You guys are so adorable,” Genevieve gushes and Danneel bounces on her toes.

“I knew getting Jensen a job here was the best idea I’ve ever had!” She claps her hands.

“Alright, alright, come on,” Jared chases them back towards the front of the shop. “Don’t you guys have work to do?”

Genevieve shrugs. “There’s enough staff out front to cover that we’re good for now.”

“Yeah,” Danneel agrees, “lunch rush hasn’t started yet.”

“Well, go do some prep or something. Gen can help.”

The girls grin again. 

“Seriously, so adorable.”

Jared doesn’t bother correcting Genevieve, just takes Jensen by the hand and leads him out the back door to where his car is parked.

“You know I’d take you with me if my mom wasn’t so controlling, right?” he says, pulling Jensen close.

Jensen nods his head. “I understand. Seriously, Jared, it’s enough just knowing that you’d want me to be there if you could.”

“So, so much.”

“And someday, we’ll do it right. But for now, this is your sister’s night and she wants you there to celebrate with her. So you should go and be with her and show her how supportive you can be. Maybe she’ll remember that when it’s our turn.”

Jared’s mind gets stuck on that statement for a few seconds, trying to figure out if Jensen means it the way he hopes, but then Jensen’s ducking his head, his face heating up, as if he’s just realized what he’s said and Jared knows he needs to not make it into a big deal.

“I just don’t like the idea of leaving you here all by yourself.”

Jensen laughs, a short little chuckle, and his blush calms down a little. “You did see those two girls in there, right? You think they’re going to leave me alone a second before they have to? I’ll be lucky if they even decide to go home to their own places tonight.”

“I think that’s a very good idea, I’m gonna go ask them.”

Jared heads back into the shop but Jensen stops him by grabbing his wrist.

“Jared, it’s Saturday night, my significant other might be abandoning me, but that doesn’t mean that all of our friends don’t already have plans.” He winks. “I’ve got Sadie and about a thousand movies to choose from. I think I can survive twelve hours alone in my own house.”

“Alright, fine,” Jared relents, opening the car door and climbing in. “I’m leaving tomorrow as early as possible, okay?”

Jensen smiles at him. “Okay, but just…try to have a little fun, alright? This is your baby sister’s engagement party. Those things usually only happen once, so try to give her the night she deserves. Be happy for her.”

“Happy, when she’s marrying a guy I’ve never met. Right. Simple.”

Jensen leans through the still open door and kisses Jared lightly. “Just try not to let anyone get to you and you’ll be fine.”

With a groan, Jared watches Jensen back away until he can close the door before he can think any more about it. He puts the keys in the ignition and starts the car, taking one last deep breath. “Wish me luck.”

Jensen gives him a supportive smile and a wave and then Jared pulls away, all the while wondering how anyone could think that Jensen Ackles isn’t the perfect man for him.

///

Jared takes his time on the drive down to San Antonio, not rushing and staying well under the speed limit.

He’s not in any hurry, enjoying the leisurely drive so that he doesn’t have to spend any more time with this family than he absolutely has to.

It’s a little before six in the evening when Jared finally pulls up outside his parents’ house and he sits in the car for a few minutes, taking everything in that’s changed since the last time he came home. It hits him hard that he hasn’t been home to visit in over a year. He even spent Thanksgiving and Christmas by himself, choosing to celebrate with Genevieve and Matt and some of their other friends who couldn’t make it home.

It doesn’t really surprise him that he hasn’t missed this, missed spending time with his family, but he is a little disappointed with himself that he hasn’t really done anything to fix whatever it is that’s going on with them. He might not like the way his family speak to him, and he might have bitched and moaned about it, but he hasn’t actually taken any steps to try and make it better. He just got more and more angry and pissed off, which isn’t helping anyone, and decided that he would just spend time with his friends instead of putting himself through the drama.

It’s a cowardly attitude to have and Jared wonders if he’s left it too long to fix it.

There are cars in the driveway that Jared doesn’t recognize and he figures they belong to Jeff and his wife and Megan and her fiancé, and it bothers him a little that there are things about his family that he doesn’t know. 

As he gets out of the car with a deep breath, Jared contemplates whether it’s better or worse that his whole family is already inside and he doesn’t have an answer by the time he reaches the front door. There’s nothing he can do about it, though, he’s here and he just has to try and make the best of things, like Jensen said.

No one greets him when he pushes open the front door and drops his bag next to the stairs, so he follows the sound of various voices to the living room, finding his whole family gathered there, spread throughout the room and laughing and joking like it’s the best party they’ve ever been to, and they don’t pause in their conversation when Jared says ‘hello’ and gives an awkward wave.

With a sigh, he leans against the doorjamb and waits to be noticed. He knows they heard the front door open – it’s a little difficult not to – but he’s still not really surprised when it’s almost five minutes before his brother looks up and spots him.

“Jared!” Jeff calls brightly and a little bit of hope blooms in Jared’s chest. “About damn time you showed up.”

Jared’s mother’s grin fades as she looks up at him. “Yes, Jared, we were expecting you hours ago.”

Jared shrugs. “Well, you know, some of us have businesses to run. I had a lot to do before I left.”

Lisa, Jeff’s wife, snorts indelicately. “A little place like that? Really, Jared, how much trouble could it possibly be?”

Jeff laughs at his wife’s words while Jared bites down on the inside of his cheek and that little bit of hope dies a fiery death. He refuses to explain about his new business idea, or about the phone call with the chef at _Lecki’s_ about changing the menu or the one about the change of supplier at _Elta’s._

Instead, he smiles politely at Lisa. “Well, you know, there’s salaries to sort out, stock take to do, not to mention the accounts, rosters for the next month as well as ordering everything that needs to be delivered on Monday. You might just think it’s just a little place, but it is a business and businesses take a lot of work, no matter what size they are.”

“Hey,” Jeff barks, his face clouding over with anger. “She made a simple observation, there’s no need to take that tone.”

Jared spreads his hands. “I’m not taking a tone; I simply corrected her misinformed observation.”

Jeff just shakes his head in what looks like disgust and Jared sighs.

“Six minutes I’ve been here and already I’m being looked at like something Jeff stepped in. Oh, yeah, I’m real glad I came.”

Jared’s dad gets to his feet.

“Now, now, settle down, there’s no need to be like that, Jared,” Gerald says.

“I’m sorry, Dad, I’m just a little upset that the first thing you guys decide to do when I got here was yell at me. No one even bothered to say ‘hello’ to me, just dove right on in to attacking my business.”

Jared ducks his head and scratches at the back of his neck. Despite his thoughts out in the car, he’s already regretting coming here and he seriously considers just turning around and leaving, no matter how much Jensen would yell at him for driving for more than ten hours without a real break.

“You’re right,” Gerald says, crossing the living room and wrapping his arms around Jared. “I apologize, Jared, it is good to see you. It’s been a while.”

Jared manages a smile and returns his father’s hug. “Yeah, I know, but running a business singlehandedly, it takes up a lot of time. I can’t exactly take off whenever I please.”

Lisa snorts again. “Jeff runs an entire ER and still makes time to spend with his family.”

Jared pulls away from his father and levels a glare at his sister-in-law. “Jeff does not run an entire ER, Lisa, he’s in charge of emergency surgery in an ER, but there are other people who work there who are capable of covering for him if he wants time off. I don’t have that luxury. If I’m going to be taking even just a few hours off, I need to make sure I have everything up-to-date, because my staff can’t handle payments or rosters or ordering anything because that’s my job and I’m the one with the checkbook and the credit card. Plus, you and Jeff also have the added advantage of living ten minutes from this house. I live six hours away, so popping by for a quick visit just isn’t viable.”

Lisa flips her hair. “We still make time.”

“And the fact that Mom and Dad are retired and could come and spend time with me whenever they want, that never occurred to anyone? Or the fact that I know that Jeff was with you that night you called into the shop to see me and didn’t bother stopping by? All that doesn’t mean a thing, right? I’m just automatically the bad guy here, because I’m such a let down to this family.”

No one says anything, all of them quietly averting their eyes while Lisa smiles smugly and Jared just nods his head.

“I don’t even know why I’m surprised. I’m not some high profile CEO, so that means I must me broke, right? Struggling to make ends meet with my little coffee shop, right? ‘Cause I couldn’t possibly be successful.”

“I can’t see how you could think you were running a successful business when the last time I stopped by you had absolutely no customers.”

Jared narrows his eyes at Lisa. “The last time you were in my shop it was eight-thirty at night.”

Jeff puts a hand on his wife’s arm. “I don’t see what the time of day or night has to do with anything.”

“We close at eight,” Jared snaps. “It’s hard to have any customers when you’re not open.”

There’s silence in the room again, all of them without a thing to say and Jared glances across the room to Megan’s fiancé. The guy looks completely terrified, but Jared can’t muster up much sympathy.

“Welcome to the family, William, but you’ll excuse me if I bow out now.” He turns on his heel and snatches his bag up off the floor and heads for the exit as quickly as his feet can take him.

“Jared, wait.” 

He’s not fast enough and his mother catches up with him in the hallway, looking very much put out at his attempt at a dramatic exit.

“You can’t just leave, it’s Megan’s big day, and she wanted you to be here.”

Jared laughs. “Megan, you mean the one person who has yet to speak to me since I walked through the door and hasn’t had the decency to introduce me to the man she’s going to marry?”

Jared pauses and thinks back to the conversation he had with his sister on the phone and he wonders what the hell could have changed so drastically that she’s forgot about her promise of having his back and helping him with their mother. It all feels like some huge joke, a conspiracy just to get him down here so that they can try to stage the intervention that went so drastically wrong the last time they tried it.

Sharon twists her hands. “Well, it’s not like you’ve given her much of a chance, is it? You’ve been very hostile, Jared.”

“Hostile?” Jared repeats. “My whole family just told me I’m some sort of black sheep that they refuse to talk to or about, but I’m not supposed to take offence to that?”

“Well, Jared, it’s not…I mean, we didn’t…” she trails off, like she can’t find the words to explain her actions.

“Do you know how much it hurts?” he goes on, his voice sounding broken and pain-filled, surprising him. “Do you know how hurtful it is to listen to you talk about me? Like I’m not in the room, like I’m not even part of this family? Like I’m someone to be ashamed of? Is it any wonder I don’t want to spend time here when all you do is tell me how much of a waste my little coffee shop is or how my boyfriend isn’t worthy of me?”

Sharon stares up at him with tears in her eyes and Jared wonders if he’s gone too far.

“I only want what’s best for you,” Sharon states carefully. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you and I’m sorry if you thought I was ashamed of you or what you do for a living.”

“But you’re always dismissing me, telling me how unimportant me and my business are compared to Jeff and Megan, calling my boyfriend the lodger and degrading him for answering the phone in his own goddamn house. I’m sick of it, Mom, I’m sick of being treated like you don’t want to be seen with me.”

Sharon bites her lip, looking at the floor. “I just want what’s best for my children. I want them to be successful.”

“I _am_ successful, Mom, and I’m happy.”

She frowns, like she can’t understand what he’s saying. “Are you, Jared? Honestly?”

Jared groans, throwing his hands in the air. “God, Mom, why is that so hard for you to get? Why are you making this so difficult?”

“Jared, I…” she takes a deep breath. “I wanted my children to make something of their lives, to be someone important. I don’t want to have to worry about them not being able to afford the rent.”

“Mom, have you seen the reviews _Jay’s Pad_ gets? And there have been more since Jensen joined my staff. I have customers lined up outside the door; tables never empty from the minute we open until the second we close. Trust me, Mom, I’m not short of cash or struggling to make ends meet.” Jared pauses, giving his mother a sympathetic look. “I’m just not cut out to be some business head, sitting behind a desk all day crunching numbers. I’d be miserable. I’d probably off myself within six months.”

Sharon flinches. “Please don’t say that.”

“Then please don’t force me into a job I don’t want. I’m a people person, Mama, I like interacting with my customers every day. It’s what makes me happy, keeps me sane.”

“But…” Sharon starts, but she doesn’t seem to have anything to follow up with and stares up at Jared in askance.

“I like my coffee shop, Mama, and I love my boyfriend. I have a good life, just…please accept that.”

Slowly, after a long pause, Sharon reaches out to touch Jared’s cheek. “Alright, I’ll…I’ll try to do better. Just…just please stay right now.”

“Like anyone actually wants me here,” Jared snarks. He waves a hand at the living room. 

“Please, Jared, for me.”

Taking a deep breath, Jared finally agrees, wondering at the same time just how much he’s going to regret this.

“Come on, dinner’s almost ready,” Sharon tells him, “you can wait in the dining room, okay? It’ll be okay, I promise.”

Reluctantly, Jared follows her through the house to the dining room and takes his usual seat at the table while she continues through to the kitchen.

He pours himself a glass of water from the pitcher in the middle of the table and thinks about what his mom made for dinner, since it’s such a huge night for Megan and tries to decipher it from the delicious scents in the air.

The reason for Jared’s visit hits him hard in that moment and he sighs, throwing his head back to look at the ceiling. He’s being a brat and he knows it, even if he doesn’t agree with his family’s thoughts about him, he’s making it worse by storming away like a spoiled child.

Jared’s just about to get up from the table and go back to the living room to try and salvage this dinner when the number of place settings catches his eye.

Jared, plus his parents, brother and sister and their partners should mean seven place settings but the table is set for eight and Jared is more than a little confused.

“Mom,” he calls, getting to his feet. “There are eight place settings. Who else is coming to dinner?”

Sharon is on the phone when Jared gets to the kitchen and she looks up at him with a startled gasp. “Jared, what…?”

“Who is the extra seat at the table for? You and Megan told me I couldn’t bring Jensen because he wasn’t family and now you’ve invited someone else?”

She blinks at him and then turns her back. “No,” she says into the phone, “no, I really don’t think it’s a good idea for you to come over. I made a mistake, I…” The doorbell rings and Sharon lets out a yelp. “What do you mean, you’re already here?”

She turns panicked eyes to Jared and Jared races her to the front door.

“Jared, please, I didn’t-”

But Sharon cuts herself off when Jared opens the front door and finds Tahmoh standing on the front step, slipping his phone back into his pocket and bile rises in Jared’s throat.

“Jared,” he says brightly. “How wonderful to see you again.”

Jared turns around and levels a glare at his mother, feeling utterly betrayed.

“Really, Mom? After everything I told you, you invited Tahmoh to dinner?”

“I…I…we just talked a few minutes ago! I invited Tahmoh before we talked! I was trying to cancel.”

“In your mother’s defense, she did call and ask that I not come, but as you can see, I was already here.”

Jared ignores Tahmoh and his smug expression and stares at his mother.

“I told you I was seeing someone. I called you up that day and I told you not to send anyone else to me because I was with someone.” A horrible idea occurs to Jared and he reels back from Sharon. “Is this why you wouldn’t let me bring Jensen, because you were planning this?”

“Who’s Jensen?” 

Jared turns at the sound of his father’s voice and finds the rest of his family standing in the doorway of the living room, watching the scene in front of him unfold.

“Jensen’s my boyfriend,” Jared answers honestly, “we’re living together.”

“Your boyfriend?” Jeff says, “Why isn’t he here with you? You’re not embarrassed of him, are you?” He winks at Jared.

“Mom and Megan wouldn’t let me bring him. They said it was family only.”

Gerald frowns. “Then who’s this?”

Jared smiles, but even he knows there’s no warmth in the expression. “Oh, this is the man Mom invited in the hopes that I would cheat on Jensen with him and then forget all about Jensen.”

“Not…not _cheat_ ,” Sharon stammers. “I just wanted you to see that there were other men out there, better men.”

“You haven’t even met Jensen! You don’t know what kind of a man he is!”

“That was…that was before. I said I was sorry, Jared, really, and I really was trying to get him to leave.”

Jared whirls back to face Tahmoh. “You heard her, time to go.”

Instead of leaving, however, Tahmoh pushes past Jared and into the hallway. “I’m here now, though, might as well at least stay for dinner.”

Jared can feel his blood boiling, everything piling up and making him more angry than he can ever remember being in his life. “You are not welcome here. Leave now, before I make you.”

“Jared!” Megan gasps. “You can’t speak to people like that; do you even know who this is?”

Tahmoh grins. “See, Jared? Even the little girl knows I’m someone you really shouldn’t say ‘no’ to. It might not be a wise decision.”

Megan bristles at being referred to as a ‘little girl’, but she doesn’t say anything and Jared’s blood pressure rises another point.

“Who exactly are you again?” Jeff asks and there’s confusion in his voice and something else that Jared can’t define, but it almost sounds like Jeff’s not happy with Tahmoh’s presence. Whether that’s because of how he spoke to Megan or his attitude towards Jared, Jared doesn’t know.

“This is Tahmoh Penikett,” Megan hisses, like it means something, and Jared wonders if it’s Tahmoh’s law firm she’s working for.

Tahmoh’s smiles, all slick and oily. “I’m here to sweep young Jared off his feet.”

Jared has had enough.

“NO! Just _no_. Stop with this bullshit. I’m not dating Tahmoh nor will I ever be dating Tahmoh. I am in a loving, committed relationship with a good man, so you can just leave now.”

There’s a sigh from somewhere behind Jared.

“I just thought,” Jared’s mother says, “I thought maybe Tahmoh would be a good influence on you. He’s a lawyer, you know? I thought he could help you make something better of yourself. It was never about that other man.”

Tahmoh winks at him and Jared loses all measure of composure.

“Oh, yeah, Tahmoh’s a great catch. He’s the kinda guy who tries to _rape_ you when you turn him down.”

The whole hallway is silent and Jared watches with satisfaction as the smile slips from Tahmoh’s face.

“Oh, come on, Tahmoh, don’t be bashful,” Jared coaxes sarcastically. “Tell them what it was you said to me, what you did.” Tahmoh keeps his mouth shut so Jared barrels on. “I’ll tell them, shall I?” He turns his back on Tahmoh and faces his family. “Tahmoh came to my shop, a couple months ago, and asked me out on a date. When I politely told him that I was in a relationship, did he gracefully retreat, like the gentleman he pretends he is? No, of course he didn’t. Tahmoh cornered me in the alley behind my shop, where he proceeded to slam me against the wall so hard that I got dizzy and then he told me that, since he’d come _all that why_ just to see little old me, the _least_ that I owed him was a blowjob, and if I didn’t fall to my knees right there, he was going to turn me around and shove me against the wall and take what he wanted whether I liked it or not.”

Sharon is crying. “Jared, I didn’t-”

“Yeah, Mom, you didn’t. You didn’t know what kind of asshole you were sending to me. All you saw was the prestigious lawyer, something to brag about. Doesn’t matter that he’s a potential rapist, as long as he has the right image, huh?”

“Now, you just listen, you little jackass,” Tahmoh snarls. “You can’t talk to me that way. I am a partner in my firm, do you get that? I make more money in a week than you could make in five years, so you owe me. You owe me for coming all the way here, for going up to your shitty little town, for cozying up to your fucking mom. And I always get what I want.”

Jared snarls. “You aren’t getting a damn thing from me, man, because you aren’t worthy of licking my fucking boots.”

Tahmoh’s eyes glow with fire. “I could own you ten times over, you bastard, and I will do whatever I want with you, because you are beneath me.”

He advances on Jared and Jared braces himself, ready for a fight, but he’s surprised when Jeff steps forward, putting himself between Jared and Tahmoh and holding Tahmoh back with a hand on his chest and an angry expression.

“My brother already said ‘no’. You need to learn to take ‘no’ for an answer and leave it at that.”

“I am Tahmoh Penikett!” Tahmoh yells. “He’s no one! He’s should be wetting himself over the fact that I would lower myself to be with him.”

Jared snaps and the words are out of his mouth before he can even think about holding them back.

“You wanna know something, Tahmoh? I bet your firm would be tripping over themselves to have me as a client if y’all knew the truth.”

Tahmoh sneers. “Oh, yeah, I’m sure they’d love the idea of representing the owner of your grimy little café.”

Gerald clears his throat delicately. “Son, really, there’s no need to lie. We know you’re proud of yourself, you don’t need to-” 

“Which grimy little café of mine are you talking about, Tahmoh?” Jared says, cutting his father off. “ _Lecki’s_? _San An_? Or maybe _Elta’s_ , that place was in the papers recently, right? Something about the ‘Best Restaurant in Dallas’, was that it? I’m sure Danneel showed me the clipping she cut out, you know, since I named the place after her and all.”

“Jared, those…those are three of the best restaurants in Dallas,” Jeff says carefully.

“Officially,” Jared snaps. He clicks his fingers. “Wait, maybe you meant _Colt’s_. I hope you don’t mean _Colt’s_ , Tahmoh, because I just sold that place last week for _ten million dollars_.”

Silence reigns again and Jared takes great delight at watching Tahmoh’s eyes grow wide as his family gapes at him

“How much money do you actually have?” Megan asks, her voice a little breathless.

Jared glares at her. “That’s all that matters to you people, isn’t it? All you care about is appearance and how much of a disgrace I am because all I do is run a coffee shop. But this is where you learn that appearances can be deceptive. I started the biggest independent coffee chain in the entire state! My manager and I turned _Colt’s_ into a household name in Texas without any of you knowing and I made more money by selling it than any of you will make in your entire lives.”

Sharon lets out a choked sob. Lisa looks like she can’t decide whether to be sick or beat Jared with her shoe.

Jared ignores all of them and turns back to Tahmoh. “And do you know what I’m gonna do right now? I’m gonna go home and I’m gonna call up every one of those restaurants that I own and I’m going to tell them that Tahmoh Penikett is banned from all of them.” He slips his phone out of his pocket and snaps a photo of Tahmoh before he knows what’s happening. “And now they’ll know what you look like, so you won’t be able to book in under another name.”

Tahmoh shakes his head, looking nervous. “No…no, you can’t do this!”

“Did you not hear what I just said? I’m the owner; I can do whatever the hell I want!”

“But I have clients! People I have to impress and they expect to be taken to the best restaurants in the city. You have to understand.”

Jared shrugs. “Guess you should have thought about that before you threatened to _rape me_!”

“I thought you were just some stupid little café bitch!”

“How does that make it right?” Jared takes a step closer to Tahmoh, looking down on him and reveling in how the lawyer shrinks away. “When did it suddenly become okay to force yourself on someone you think is beneath you? What the hell happened to you that you think you are so above the law that you can just _rape_ someone without facing any sort of consequence? Rape is rape, you fucking douchebag, no matter what your victim does for a living. How you’re even a lawyer is beyond me. You’re nothing but a sick fuck.”

Jared’s mom and sister gasp at his language, but Jared has just given up caring altogether and he’s a little shocked when someone stands next to him and Jared looks over to see his father glaring at Tahmoh.

“I think it’s high time you left, Mr. Penikett,” Gerry says harshly, “before I call the police and report your very vocal confession of attempted sexual assault.”

Tahmoh pales and looks around at the people staring at him, like he’s waiting for someone to speak up on his behalf, but when no one does, he races away, leaving the front door wide open as he runs to a sleek black sports car that screams overcompensation.

Jared takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “And that is my cue to leave.”

“Oh, Jared, please,” Sherri tries, but Jared just shakes his head.

“Leave?” Megan cries. “But…but it’s my party! You have to be here! I want to know all about your…your businesses.”

“Yeah,” Jared agrees, “ _now_ you want to know, now that you know how successful I am. But before? When you thought like Tahmoh did, like I was just some little coffee bitch, you didn’t want to know anything about me then. You thought I was an embarrassment, you all thought I was something to be ashamed of, someone to keep out of the picture so that I couldn’t damage your precious reputations.” He waves his arm at Megan and Jeff. “I mean, a doctor, a lawyer, and then there’s poor Jared, throwing his life away serving coffee and pie to the people of Richardson. You’ll forgive me if I don’t want to stick around and watch you fall all over yourselves to kiss my ass now that you know the truth.”

“Jared.” Sharon takes a step forward. “You are my son, you have never been something I was ashamed or embarrassed of.” 

“But you never accepted it when I told you I was happy doing what I wanted or when I told you I was living with a man I love, a man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.” Jared’s eyes fill with tears. “Mom, I told you what Tahmoh said to me, that he threatened to rape me, and you still invited him here. Do you know how that makes me feel?”

“Sharon!”

“Mom!”

Sharon blushes. “I thought…I thought maybe it was a misunderstanding! I never wanted to put you in any danger.”

“But you still thought that someone like Tahmoh was better for me than my Jensen, just because Jensen works in a coffee shop.”

Sharon starts to get some of her bluster back. “How do you know this Jensen isn’t just after your money, Jared? You’re worth an awful lot. You have to be careful with people like that.”

Jared recoils. “People like what, Mom? Because Jensen doesn’t know about the money. He doesn’t know I sold _Colt’s_. I’m planning on telling him during the week. I have a plan for a new business idea for the both of us to run together. Jensen is with me for no other reason than he loves me and the very idea that you think I’m naïve enough to fall for someone like that makes me sick, Mom. It’s nice to know you have so much faith in me.”

Jared turns away, picking up his bag again and running for his car before anyone can stop him, the voices of his family calling his name echoing loudly behind him.

Jeff reaches the front of the house just as Jared gets into the car, but he just starts the engine, ignoring his brother’s pleas as he drives away.

Jared’s phone starts ringing seconds later and he turns the whole thing off, throwing it onto the backseat as he settles in for the long drive.

He heads straight for the freeway, needing to be home as soon as possible.

**Chapter 8**

The drive home takes a lot less time than the one to San Antonio and it’s a little before midnight when Jared pulls into his own driveway. The lights are still on in the living room, telling Jared that Jensen’s still up, and Jared feels himself relaxing and he climbs out of the car, grabbing his bag from the backseat and leaving his cellphone where it lies.

He trudges up the front steps, feeling tired and worn out and he’s thinking about the food in the fridge as he lets himself in the front door. He hasn’t eaten in over twelve hours and he’s starving.

Jared leans back against the front door for a few seconds, dropping his bag and letting the quietness envelop him and getting himself ready to tell Jensen everything that happened.

But then the quietness starts to get to him. There’s no sound of movement, no TV, no stereo, there’s not even any sign of Sadie and Jared feels something cold creep across the back of his neck.

“Jensen?” he calls, slowly stepping forward. He repeats the name when there’s no answer, but then he’s at the living room door and he gently pushes it open, frowning when he sees Jensen sitting on the middle cushion of the couch, staring at the coffee table.

“I thought…you said you wouldn’t be home until tomorrow,” Jensen says, his voice emotionless.

Jared tries to laugh, but it sounds choked as worry and concern flood through him. “Why? You planning on having an orgy or something with the rest of the guys from the shop?”

“No.”

“Jensen, what’s…” Jared’s voice fades away as he catches sight of coffee table and the objects sitting on it, the objects Jensen can’t seem to take his eyes off.

A bottle of Wild Turkey, a bottle of pills with no label, a baggie filled with white powder, a syringe and a cellphone.

Jensen lets of a pained chuckle. “Turns out, I don’t really have the guts to do it after all. Was gonna get drunk first, but even that’s proving hard to do. I’ve been sitting here for hours and I haven’t even opened the fucking bottle.”

Jared drops to his knees next to the couch, trying to force himself between Jensen and the coffee table.

“Jensen, Baby, you’re scaring me.”

Finally, Jensen looks into Jared’s eyes. “I wasn’t gonna let you find me,” he says earnestly, like he desperately needs Jared to understand that. “I have 911 on speed dial. I was gonna take enough to know that they couldn’t save me and I then I was gonna call. So that I’d be outta here at least. I’d never want you to find me like that. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

Jared feels his throat close up and tears fill his eyes, but he needs to hold it together, so he swallows them down. He has to figure out what got Jensen into this state before he can deal with everything else.

“Jensen,” he sniffs, “Jensen, talk to me, okay? I only left, like, twelve hours ago, what the hell happened?”

Jensen chews on his lower lips for a few seconds, as though he’s contemplating whether or not he should tell Jared what’s going on and Jared’s panic intensifies.

“I called my parents.”

Jensen’s voice is so quiet, Jared has to strain to hear him, but once he does, he understands completely.

“Why?”

Jensen seems to lose what little strength he has and he slumps forward into Jared’s arms, mumbling his words against Jared’s chest.

“It was my therapist’s idea. She said I needed to try and reestablish communication; otherwise I’d never be able to heal completely. I thought…I thought, since you weren’t here, it would be better. Better to do it alone, you know?”

“No, Jensen, I don’t know. I should have been here with you, holding your hand. You shouldn’t have had to go through that alone.”

Jensen shrugs. “Doesn’t matter, wouldn’t have changed anything.”

“You wouldn’t be sitting here contemplating suicide,” Jared counters. He twists around enough so that he can pick up the bottle of pills. “Where did you get this shit from anyway?”

“I went by the shelter. Ms. Tapping told me to tell you she told you so.”

Jared manages to stamp down his rage before Jensen can see it in his eyes. The spiteful woman probably only added to Jensen’s feelings of inadequacy. 

“Forget about her, Jensen. She’s not even worth it.”

“But she’s right, I did end up right back here. Desperate for a fix, for _the_ fix.”

Jared pulls away to look into Jensen’s bright green eyes. They look healthy and normal, sad, yes, but at least it seems he hasn’t taken anything yet.

“Have you taken anything?” Still, he wants to be sure.

Jensen shakes his head. “Too much of a fucking coward. Couldn’t even manage a drink.”

Jared breathes a short sigh of relief. “Okay, good. That’s good, you know why? ‘Cause that means you don’t really wanna do this, right? You don’t wanna do this, ‘cause you’re strong, you know that, right? You’re so strong, Jensen, and brave. After everything you’ve been through, you’re still here, still fighting and I am so proud of you for that.” 

Jensen blinks at him, like he can’t understand the words and Jared rubs his hands up and down Jensen’s startlingly cold arms.

“Why don’t you tell me what happened? With your parents. You said you called them?”

Jensen looks away as though ashamed, but he nods his head with a jerky movement.

“I left the shop right after you did, told Danneel and Gen that I had to see the doctor about rehab for my arm but I came straight home. I stared at the phone for about two hours and then I called them.”

“And what happened?”

“My mom answered. At first, it sounded like she was pleased to hear from me. It’s been ten years, you know? Or there abouts, I think. I thought that meant that things had changed. Mack must have told her what I’d been up to, because she asked about my new job, said she was surprised to hear about the baking. Then she…then she…” Jensen shakes his head and it seems like he can’t find the words to go on.

“Then she what?” Jensen presses, knowing that they both need to get through this whole sorry story before he can help Jensen get past it and get the help he needs.

“She told me…she told me how disappointed they were, that I would want to work somewhere like _that_.” He spits the word like it tastes funny on his tongue. “She went on and on about how mortified she was when someone at their country club said that they’d seen me in the shop. She said she couldn’t understand why I was doing this to them again. She asked me why I wanted to hurt them so much, asked what they’d done to deserve such disrespect.”

“Jensen,” Jared says softly, pulling Jensen closer. “Jensen, she doesn’t matter, she’s so not important.”

“She’s my mom, Jared, and she hates me.”

“Didn’t you just get done telling me that my mom loves me no matter what she says?”

Jensen shrugs, but doesn’t answer. “I tried to tell her,” he pushes on, “tried to tell her I was happy, that I loved my job and had a great boyfriend, but she just talked right over me, told me all about how long it took for the media attention to die down, how my dad never did regain some of the clients and business partners he lost because of me and now I was bringing it all back. She told me they’d suffered enough and I needed to stop being so selfish and consider their needs.”

Jensen coughs a little, fighting against his emotions even as tears spill down his cheeks.

“Jensen, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about, okay? You know your brother and sister don’t agree with her.”

“She told me she saw…she saw Tom a few weeks ago.”

Jared frowns for a second before he remembers that Tom is Jensen’s asshole ex-boyfriend, the one who left him because Jensen couldn’t handle the idea of sex after being raped and Jared wants to get in the car and hunt the bastard down. And Jensen’s mom, too.

Jensen carries on, oblivious to Jared’s musings. “Tom’s married now, apparently. Got a couple kids and everything. He’s so successful, Jared, and I let him get away because I was too weak to deal with what happened.”

Jared knows Jensen is quoting his mother’s words, just by the sound of his voice, and Jared can do nothing but press kisses to his temple as he tries to sooth him and calm him as best he can.

“She just brought it all back, about the rape, about Tom’s reasons for leaving and I started to think about…about you and me and how we’ve never…”

Jared shushes him. “Come on, Jensen, don’t think about that, that’s so far from important right now.”

Jensen pulls away. “But it is, Jared, it is important, because I can’t…what if I can never…do that? I know you want to, and it’s not fair to you that the only reason we don’t have a normal, healthy relationship is because of me. I don’t want you to end up resenting me and our relationship because we can’t have sex.”

Jared shakes his head, a blush darkening his face. They should have talked about this a long time ago, about just what Jared wants from a sexual relationship, even if they weren’t having one at all. It’s Jared’s fault that Jensen has the wrong idea about it and Jared’s flaming with embarrassment at the thought of having to explain everything.

“Jensen, none of that is important to me. I’ve never said that sex is important, have I? Have I ever made you feel like you were never enough for me?”

“No, but, Jared, that isn’t the point!” Jensen yells. “Normal people in normal relationships have sex. And this? Us? Because of me, we can’t be normal. Maybe we’ll never be normal.”

Jared rocks back on his heels as Jensen gets up to pace the room, scrubbing his hands across his face as he does so.

Even from where he’s still sitting on the floor, Jared can tell this isn’t going to be an easy fix. He wishes he could get his hands on Jensen’s mother and explain to her exactly what kind of damage she and her husband have done to their son. He’s actually surprised that Jensen’s brother and sister haven’t said anything before now. Then again, knowing Jensen, Mackenzie and Josh probably don’t know the extent that their parents have gone to in cutting Jensen out of their lives and Jared vows to make sure they both find out the whole truth very soon.

Just as soon as he’s done getting Jensen over this freak-out.

“Jensen, you have to…you have to calm down. Tom and your mom aren’t worth hurting yourself over. They’re so not important, not to us, not to our lives.”

“Sex is important, Jared,” Jensen says with a bitter laugh. “Sex is kind of integral to a healthy relationship.”

“No, it’s not, Jensen. There thousands of couples out there who don’t have sex and are perfectly happy together.”

Jensen narrows his eyes at Jared, looking him over carefully. “Would you be happy with me? If we never have sex?”

Jared takes a deep breath, thinking over his answer carefully. “Jensen, you and I, we…we’ve only been together a few months and no one really knows what the future holds. The only thing I can say is, right now, after being with you for the last few months…yes, I think I could be happy with you, sex or no sex.”

“I wanna have sex with you,” Jensen states bluntly, “I do, but…but I’m scared, you know? It’s…it’s been ten years and I just never found someone I wanted to have sex with since… _it_ happened and then there’s you and you’re amazing and you seem to really care about me.”

“Jensen, I love you.”

“See? You say you love me and I think I feel the same and I wanna make love to you, but I am so scared. The only thing I can remember is the pain and I don’t think I could cope with that kind of pain again, but I want to be with you and I’m just so fucking confused right now.”

“Jensen, you need to stop thinking that this is a right-now-or-not-at-all deal. We have plenty of time to talk about this, to figure it out. We’re not going to do anything until you’re ready.”

Jensen bites down on his plush bottom lip. “Tom left me because I wouldn’t have sex with him. I don’t want you to leave me for the same reason.”

Anger bubbles up in Jared and has to take a step back, away from Jensen. He takes several deep breaths, inhaling through his nose and exhaling through his mouth before he can risk looking at Jensen again.

“I’m not Tom, Jensen. Tom was an asshole, clearly, if sex was the be all and end all of your relationship.”

“He wanted my money,” Jensen admits quietly, “I don’t think he ever loved me at all.”

Jared snorts. “I don’t think money’s gonna be a problem as far as we’re concerned.” 

“Good, because I don’t actually have any. Drank and snorted and pissed it all away. My whole trust fund.”

For a second, Jared feels incredibly guilty over the fact that he still hasn’t told Jensen about the money from the sale of _Colt’s_ , but that vanishes when he takes in Jensen’s bruised, haunted eyes.

Right now is not the right time to even think about broaching that subject. They have plenty of time to talk about it, about what they’re going to do with it and about Jared’s plan for their new business.

Right now, Jensen needs to rest. He’s so exhausted he’s practically swaying on his feet.

Jared holds out his hand. “Come on, Jensen, let’s go to bed.”

Jensen opens his mouth to protest but he snaps his shut and looks around for a second, confused about the drastic shift in tone the conversation has taken.

“We’ll still be here to argue about this in the morning. You look like you’re about to fall asleep on your feet and I just drove for twelve hours straight. I’m more tired than I’ve ever been. Let’s just…put this aside for the night and go crash.”

A frown creases Jensen’s forehead as he looks at Jared and for a second Jared’s thinks he’s going to ask why Jared’s back home so early when he was supposed to be at his parents until the next day. But after a few seconds it’s like all the fight drains right out of Jensen and his shoulders slump. He gives Jared a resigned nod and Jared takes hold of his hand and leads him towards the stairs.

They’re more than halfway to the second floor when Jensen realizes that his bedroom isn’t up here and he pulls away from Jared’s hand.

Jared turns back to face him. “Just sleep, Jensen. I told you, we’re on your timetable here. But I kinda…I kinda need to hold you right now and I can’t do that if there’s a whole floor separating us.”

Jensen deliberates for a few seconds, craning his neck around the wall to see the hallway that leads to his own bedroom, but in the end, he takes Jared’s hand again and they continue up the stairs.

Jensen jumps a little when Jared closes the door behind them but Jared pretends not to notice as he crosses the room and turns down the bed.

Jensen’s wearing Jared’s sweatpants and t-shirt again – though the Cowboys hoodie is surprisingly absent – so he doesn’t bother changing, just sits himself down on the edge of the bed and watches Jared wrestle out of his sneakers and jeans, leaving himself in his boxers, socks and an olive green t-shirt. He doesn’t usually wear so much to bed, but he has a feeling that more clothing is probably a good idea.

Still, Jensen flinches when Jared walks towards the bed, but he owns it this time, chuckling a little and burying his head in his hands.

“I’m so pathetic.”

“We talked about this,” Jared scolds. “It’s just going to take time. Even this right here is a massive step for you.”

With another nod, Jensen scoots back in the bed until he all the way over the other side, his head on the pillow, and he wiggles and twists until he’s under the sheets.

Jared snorts another laugh and climbs in next to him, turning of the light as he pulls up the covers. He feels awkward and uncomfortable in his own fucking bed and he squirms a little, trying to find a comfortable position to lie in and still give Jensen the space he needs. Crowding him right now would only cause more problems and he finally settles, lying on his right side with his back to Jensen. It’s not the best, Jared usually sleeps on his stomach, but it’ll do for now. He’ll get used to it.

Jared will forever be embarrassed about the yelp he lets out two minutes later, when Jensen pulls on his shoulder, dragging him around the mattress until he’s lying on his belly, facing Jensen this time.

“Now I get to tell you to just relax,” Jensen mumbles. He takes hold of Jared’s right arm and attaches himself to it; practically cuddling it like it’s a stuffed animal.

Jared’s asleep in seconds.

/// 

Jared wakes in the same position he feel asleep in and he can’t help but marvel at the fact. Jared’s usually a restless sleeper, all flailing limbs and getting himself tangled in the sheets, but it seems that he was just too tired to move much at all.

The same can be said of Jensen, who’s still wrapped around Jared’s arm like he never wants to let it go and Jared takes a deep breath, taking a moment to take in the normalcy.

Jensen’s still asleep when Jared’s eyes finally reach his face and he just stares for a while. It’s the first time he’s ever seen Jensen asleep apart from that one day he’d come home early from work and found Jensen napping on the couch, but Sadie’s bark had woken Jensen up before Jared could fully appreciate the sight.

With nothing to spoil his view, Jared just lets himself look.

Jensen looks so peaceful, like all the weight and issues he has when he’s awake just fall off when he’s unconscious. Jared feels the love he has for Jensen settle heavily in his heart and he smiles, making a silent promise to himself and Jensen that they’ll get through whatever issues they have.

He’ll make sure of it.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been staring like a creepy pervert by the time Jensen finally stirs and starts to waken, but he has a feeling that it’s been an embarrassingly long time and he just can’t find it in himself to care.

Jensen blinks owlishly at him, confused for more than just a few seconds while his brain wakes up and he remembers what happened the night before. He blushes hotly and untangles himself from Jared, giving him a small smile.

“Morning.”

“Why are you so afraid of sex?”

Jared blinks, mortified, because that’s not what he meant to say, _at all_.

Jensen gapes at Jared, like he can’t really understand that Jared actually asked that question and Jared quickly pushes himself as far away from Jensen as the bed allows and holds his hands up. Now that he’s said it, he pleads for Jensen to hear him out.

“I mean, I _know_ why you’re scared, I know what happened. But this is _me_. Why are you so afraid of sex with me? Why do you always think you’ll never get over it?”

Jensen is quiet for a long time. He sits up against the headboard, pulling the sheets up to his chin while he turns the question over in his mind, clearly thinking carefully so that he can give Jared an honest answer.

“I can’t…that man took advantage of me. He…he took away everything that made me a person. It was humiliating and degrading and I love you so much, Jared, but I don’t ever think that I could trust anyone enough to let them do to me what he did to me.”

Jared frowns, considering Jensen’s answer.

“Okay,” he says slowly, “but for us to have sex, you wouldn’t have to be in that position.”

Jared’s face burns, but his expression doesn’t waver. It’s not exactly comfortable, having this discussion in his bed with the bright morning sun streaming in through the window where he forgot to close the blinds the night before and his boyfriend teeters on the edge of a mental breakdown. But if this is what it’s going to take to get through to Jensen, to make him see that things will be okay in the end, then that’s what Jared’s going to do.

Maybe after this, they’ll be able to put the whole thing behind them and move on, never have to have this conversation again.

He doesn’t know the specifics of Jensen’s rape, doesn’t know what Shaw did to him in order to violate him like that, but at the same time, Jared knows there are other ways for them to make love.

But Jensen just shakes his head. “No, not…it…it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter where you are, or where I am. I could never feel comfortable enough to allow someone inside me like that again. No matter who they are, all I will be able to…to feel is him.”

Suddenly, just like that, Jared gets it, understands so completely what Jensen’s issues are and he can’t help the small smile that ghosts across his lips.

Jensen expects Jared to top.

Slowly, Jared gets to his feet, hands held out in front of him to show Jensen that he doesn’t mean any harm and gives Jensen a pleading look. He stands in front of his nightstand.

“I don’t know where you got this idea from, Jensen, why you assumed that sex between us would have to be a certain, specific way.”

“B-because,” Jensen stutters, but there’s a confused tone to his voice. “Isn’t that…isn’t that what you want?”

Jared looks down at Jensen, considering his boyfriend for a few seconds. “Jensen, you’ve been with other guys before, right?”

“Not…not since…”

“But before that, you dated? Had sex with Tom, right?”

“With Tom, yeah, but there were only a few others. My parents didn’t exactly have an issue with the fact that I was gay, but they were always telling us to keep a low profile. They were scared of us getting labels, like slut or whore.” He rolls his eyes. “Look how well that turned out for them.”

Jared ignores the last comment. “Okay, but with those guys, did you never top?”

Jensen looks up from where he’s staring at his hands folded in his lap, looking at Jared like he’s grown an extra head. “We…no. That…they wanted to…they didn’t seem to want me to…do that. Tom was always telling me that he didn’t bottom.”

“And you just want along with them? Didn’t think about your own gratification?” Jensen shrugs and Jared frowns. “Jensen, do you even like bottoming? I mean, before the rape, was it something you enjoyed?”

Jensen shifts on the bed, the sheets pooling in his lap. “I mean, I got off. It was good in that respect, but, you know; when I was a teenager, before I’d ever been with anybody, it was never something I fantasized about, being on the bottom, I always imagined topping. I still do, when I allow myself to… But when I started dating, the only guys I seemed to be attracted to where all bigger guys, guys who enjoyed looking down at me.”

He cocks an eyebrow at Jared, as if Jared’s sheer presence in his life proves his point and Jared just rolls his eyes.

“We’re not all Alpha male assholes, Jensen; some people get pleasure in different ways.”

He nods his head towards the nightstand, indicating for Jensen to open it.

Jensen looks at Jared as if he’s searching for some kind of trick or ruse, but he follows Jared’s unspoken instruction and crawls across the bed to pull open the drawer of the nightstand.

“Jesus,” he curses, jumping back slightly and Jared doesn’t know if he should be amused or upset by the reaction. Instead of deciding, he reaches past Jensen and takes one of the objects out of the drawer.

“Danneel bought me this for my birthday year before last,” he explains, turning the bright purple dildo over in his hand. “She thought it was a joke, thought it was funny to make me open it in the middle of the shop, but little does she know that this was my favorite gift that year. I use it a lot.”

Jensen’s eyes are as wide as dinner plates. “You use that? On yourself? You…” he can’t seem to finish the question, but Jared knows what he’s asking.

“Yeah, I like to bottom, it’s my preference.”

Jensen struggles up onto his knees and gestures at him. “But you’re…”

Jared rolls his eyes again. “Don’t be so stereotypical, Jensen. Just because I’m a big guy doesn’t mean I’m into fucking my partners through the mattress.” He cocks his head, smirking at Jensen. “If my partner wants to do that to me on the other hand…”

Jensen blushes. “I’m sorry, I just assumed.”

“I know you did,” Jared soothes, “but you were wrong. Yeah, I’ve topped in the past, but honestly, it doesn’t really do anything for me. I’d rather be lying under someone, completely wrapped up in someone as they take me.”

Jensen swallows so hard Jared can hear the click of it in the quiet room. His eyes flick back and forth between Jared and the dildo in his hands, a look of pure terror in his eyes.

Slowly, Jared takes a step back, putting some distance between them as he puts the toy back in the drawer. He’s not expecting anything to happen, not considering what went down last night, but he needs Jensen to know where they stand, even if Jensen still looks completely terrified at the very idea of sex, and Jared wonders if accompanying Jensen to another therapy session would do any good.

“I thought about it.”

Jensen’s voice is quiet and it takes Jared a few seconds to realize he’s spoken at all.

“What?”

“When I’d go to bed after you’d kissed me goodnight,” Jensen goes on as though Jared had never spoken. “I used to wonder what it would be like, imagine it. What it would be like to fuck you. But I always assumed that it would just be a fantasy. I never even dreamed that you would want to be with me like that.”

“I want you anyway I can get you, Jensen. If that means no sex of any kind at all, then fine, we’ll deal. If it means always being on the bottom, that’s really, really fine. I can really deal with that. I just want you to be happy, to trust me and this relationship.”

Jensen surges forward and kisses Jared, more passionately that Jared’s ever been kissed in his entire life, but Jared forces himself to pull away, putting some distance between them.

“No, Jensen, I don’t…I don’t want you to think that you have to do this to keep me or something. We have the rest of our lives to work this out.”

Jensen just smiles. “I want to, Jared. This isn’t some attempt at forcing you into loving me.”

“Yeah, that maybe so, but, Jensen, I came home to find you trying to psyche yourself up to commit suicide. I think we should deal with that before-”

He cuts himself off as Jensen awkwardly makes his way to the other side of the bed and lets his feet fall to the floor.

“I don’t…that was why I couldn’t do it, because of you, don’t you get that?”

Jared shakes his head. “No, Jensen, because you still thought about it, you planned it. And I think we need to talk about it. Maybe even go see your therapist. Talk about it together.”

“I don’t wanna die,” Jensen says softly, his back to Jared, “I don’t know why…”

Jared makes his way around the bed until he can sit next to Jensen. “Shush,” he says gently, “I’m just glad I came home when I did. I never…I don’t think I would have been able to cope if I’d been too late.”

“I don’t…” Jensen trails off, staring at Jared with a frown before he grabs Jared by the wrist and twists until he can look out the window then down at Jared’s watch. “You came home last night. What are you even doing here? I thought you weren’t coming home until today?” He narrows his when he looks back at Jared’s face. “What happened? Did you fight with your mom again?”

Jared babbles for a few seconds, trying to come up with something that isn’t the truth, but in the end he just sighs, dropping back to rest his hands on the mattress.

“My mom invited Tahmoh to dinner.”

Jensen looks about as horrified as Jared had felt when he opened that front door and found Tahmoh standing there.

“Why…why would she do that? She…you told her what he did, right? What he said he was going to do if you didn’t…”

Jared nods. “Yeah, I did, but, apparently, my mom thought I was exaggerating or that I misunderstood, so she thought it was in my best interests for her to give me the opportunity to give the man another chance.”

Jared leans forward, elbows on his knees, face in his hands. Everything he’d felt standing in his parents’ hallway comes rushing back and Jared feels sick all over again.

Jensen pulls him close. “I’m sorry.” He presses a kiss to Jared’s temple.

“I just…I lost it, you know? I told them everything, about the restaurants, the money. Everything. I’m tired of them thinking I’m some sort of loser when I’m more successful than all of them combined. Oh! And then my brother or sister or…somebody started talking about how you were only with me for my money, which is about the time I wanted to hit someone and I left pretty soon after that.”

Jensen leans back to look at Jared. “What…what money?”

Jared blinks up at him. “Oh, I never told you about that, did I?”

“Since I have no idea what you’re talking about, I’m just going to assume that you didn’t.”

Jared sits up so that he can see Jensen clearly. “I, uh…I sold _Colt’s_.”

“Your coffee chain? The one that Stephen guy was running for you?”

“Yeah. He gave me the idea, actually. He wants to have his own business, rather than continue to work for me, so he looked into buying _Colt’s_ from me. When he realized he couldn’t afford it, he decided to leave and set up his own business in another state and I realized that I have no interest in _Colt’s_ at all. So I asked my lawyer to look into finding a buyer. The money came through the day before my mom and sister called about the party.”

Jensen just nods, like he can’t understand what’s going on and what Jared’s talking about. “How much did you sell it for?”

“Almost ten million dollars.”

“What?!” Jensen exclaims, jumping to his feet. “That’s…that’s…that’s a lot of money, Jared. I’m not surprised your family thinks I’m some kind of gold digger. Does Danneel know? I’m surprised she hasn’t tried to seduce you to get her hands on the cash.”

Jared pouts. “That’s not nice. I’m gonna tell her you said that.” Jensen pales and Jared chuckles. “I think she’ll be okay anyway. I kinda gave _Jay’s Pad_ to her and Genevieve.”

Jensen gasps. “You did what?”

Jared stands up and grabs Jensen’s hand. “Come on, there’s something I want to show you.”

“Again?” Jensen asks, throwing a nervous glance at the nightstand but he follows Jared back downstairs.

Jared finds the bag he left next to the front door the night before and unzips it, hunting through it to find the folder he’d shoved in there before he’d headed to San Antonio. He takes the file and glances at the living room, the objects still sitting on the coffee table and he leads Jensen towards the kitchen instead.

“I want to start something new, a new business, with you.”

Jensen just stares at him, so Jared opens the file and spreads the papers out on the breakfast bar.

“People at the coffee shop, they…they love your pies, your cakes. Profits have increased by a wide margin since we started selling your stuff.”

“I don’t understand what this has to do with a new place,” Jensen says, glancing at the pages.

“I want to start something like a dessert shop, a cake shop, where we only sell things like cakes and pies and cookies.”

Jensen frowns. “Like a bakery?”

“No, not like a bakery, we won’t be selling rolls or breads or anything like that. A dessert shop, we’ll sell coffee, too, but there won’t be any main food, no sandwiches or burgers or fries or whatever special of the day Danni decides to make.”

Jensen makes a face. “There are places like that. Dallas has a lot of little niche places like that.”

“But there are none here, in Richardson, trust me, I checked before I really started planning this.”

Jensen shakes his head. “Yeah, okay, Jared, but I can’t do this much work alone. It’s fine at _Jay’s Pad_ , when not every customer is gonna be ordering something I’ve made. A lot of them come in for actual food. But this? This has to be successful, and for it to be successful, we have to pull in a lot of customers and I can’t make that many cakes and shit every day for that to work and make everything that’s needed for _Jay’s Pad_ as well. It’s too much.”

“God, Jensen, no, I wouldn’t make you do that much work, that’s insane.” 

“Then what? I can’t be in two places at once, Jared.”

“I’ve thought about that; we can find someone else for _Jay’s Pad_ , we can spend a few weeks or months teaching them your recipes, so that nothing changes. Then, once we think everything’s safe, we can work on the new place.”

“You must be serious about this if you’re thinking of leaving _Jay’s Pad_. I know how much you love that place,” Jensen points out, teeth nibbling on his lower lip as he contemplates the many pages on the table. “What else have you come up with?”

Jared can feel the blush travel up his neck as he reaches for the sheet of paper where he’d outlined the shop’s opening hours. “Well, I was kinda feeling a little selfish. I still want to spend as much time with you as possible, our time in our home, so I was thinking of making the place even more exclusive by having limited opening hours. Maybe, noon until six or seven? It gives us plenty of time in the mornings to get everything ready for the day and we still get some time to ourselves in the evenings. Plus, we’ll be the bosses so we’ll have staff and we can take time off whenever we want to.”

“Wow,” Jensen breathes, “you really have thought of everything.”

“I have, and, if we need to, we can hire another baker for the new place as well, if you feel like it’s too much work. We can do this, Jensen.”

Jared digs through the pile of papers until he comes up with the quick sketch he’d made of the front of the shop, including the sign and the name.

“See?”

“ _Jay-Two_?” Jensen frowns.

“ _Jay-Squared_ ,” Jared corrects. “Get it? For Jensen and Jared. I want this to be your place just as much as it is mine.”

Jensen picks up the financial projections Jared had predicted, looking them over. Jensen might not be as financially minded, but Jared can see he knows good numbers when they’re put in front of him and Jared’s predictions are more than good.

“What if it fails? What if we can’t make it work?”

Jared shrugs. “Then I still have a couple million dollars in the bank, so we can retire to Aruba and pretend it never happened.”

Jensen smiles. “I won’t be your kept boy, Padalecki, so I guess that means we’ll have to try our best to make it work.”

A wide grin spreads across Jared’s face. “Is that a ‘yes’?”

“I must be crazy, but I like this idea. You just have to promise me that you allow me to decide the menu, okay? You might know coffee, but I know desserts.”

Jared reaches across the breakfast bar and pulls Jensen into a deep kiss.

“I love you so much, you know that, right?”

“Tell me that again when I’m bossing you around in the kitchen and the front of house is filled to bursting with people waiting for their desserts.”

Jared just grins. “I’d let you boss me around any time you want.”

Jensen rolls his eyes. “We should make breakfast. I don’t know about you, but I haven’t exactly eaten in about-” he glances at Jared’s watch again, “-wow, almost twenty-four hours. That’s actually impressive.”

On cue, Jared’s stomach rumbles and he blushes hotly, giving Jensen a tight smile. “Yeah, you may have a point there. Food would probably be a good idea at this point.”

Jensen leans against the counter as he stares Jared down. “Are you okay? With what happened with your family, I mean.”

Jared manages a shrug. “I don’t…I don’t know, you know? It’s a lot to process. I mean, with Tahmoh, everyone seemed to be on my side, so that’s good, I guess. My dad was real mad, but I didn’t stick around to really listen to anything they tried to say.”

Jensen pushes away from the counter and takes a step closer to Jared. “What about the money, the restaurants? You said you told them everything.”

Jared cringes when he thinks of his family’s reaction to Jared finally telling them the truth. “I can’t believe that they thought you were only with me for my money.”

Jensen nods. “Can’t really blame them for thinking that. I would have, too, if the situations were reversed.”

“My sister…” Jared frowns, remember Megan’s reaction. “She kinda…she was excited, I guess? She wanted to talk about everything, all the businesses.”

Jensen cocks his head to one side. “Why is that a bad thing?”

“Because before she didn’t want to know. Before I stopped spending time with my family that wasn’t necessary, I used to try and get them to be excited about _Jay’s Pad_ , even if I kept everything else to myself. One day, Megan told me that she didn’t want to waste her time talking to me about a business that wasn’t going to be all that successful and that she wasn’t surprised that Mama didn’t tell anyone what I did.” Jared takes a deep breath. “Seeing her change her mind so quickly just really hurt. It was like the last straw. I needed to get out of there.”

Jensen puts his hands on Jared’s shoulders, pressing himself closer. “I’m sorry, Jared. I’m sorry that your family aren’t what you need them to be.”

Jared lets out a slightly tear-filled laugh. “Jesus, Jensen, considering what your parents did to you, what happened yesterday was a drop in the ocean.

Jensen shakes his head. “Jared, it’s never easy when your parents let you down, whatever standard of measurement you use. Your mom went behind your back, tried to run your life. Mine abandoned me during the most difficult time of my life then blamed me for everyone hating her. Neither of those things hurts less than the other.” He smirks. “You just handled it better.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t make it out like you’re weak or whatever’s going on in your head isn’t important. You’re just as strong as I am.”

“Am I? Sometimes I think I’ve never been strong in my life.”

“You’re still here, aren’t you? After last night, after last time, you’re still here, still fighting. That’s strength, Jensen. It takes so much strength every day for you to just stay standing. Jensen, you’re the strongest person I know.”

Jensen surges forward suddenly and crashes into Jared, sending him into the breakfast bar behind him. He presses his lips to Jared’s and it takes Jared a few minutes to get with the program, but then he’s kissing Jensen back, wrapping his hands around Jensen’s hips and pulling him closer, gasping when Jensen’s very obvious arousal drags against his thigh.

He waits for Jensen to pull back, like he always does, and he tries to come up with some excuse as to why he suddenly needs to run to the bathroom, even though he’s fairly sure that Jensen will know exactly what he’s doing.

But Jensen doesn’t pull away, doesn’t stop kissing Jared.

Instead, his kisses get harder, deeper, his tongue fucking into Jared’s mouth like he’ll die if he stops.

Finally, Jared himself manages to pull away, gasping for breath and trying to think straight. He’s still only wearing the boxers he went to sleep in and the fact that he’s hard can clearly be seen.

“Jensen, I…”

Jensen cuts him off by kissing him again and grinding his hips into Jared’s, shifting slightly to get the right angle.

Jared’s eyes roll back in his head when Jensen thrusts against him and lets out a small whimper. Their cocks – both of them hard and leaking now – drag against the material of their sleep wear and Jared wants to get his hands on Jensen, his mouth, but he keeps his hands on Jensen’s hips. Jensen’s running the show here, he has the reigns and Jared throws his head back and goes along for the ride.

Jensen lips move down to Jared’s throat as he finds a rhythm, sucking on his pulse point and Jared can tell he’s leaving a mark and he somehow gets even harder.

There’s no sound in the room other than the grunts and moans and curses they let out as they grind against each other. They pant each other’s name and grip so tightly that they rip clothing and leave bruises behind.

Jensen’s hand moves to Jared’s ass, cupping the muscle and digging his nails into the thin material of Jared’s boxers, dangerously close to his crack and that’s just it for Jared. He’s coming before he knows what’s hit him and he groans Jensen’s name at the kitchen ceiling, his eyesight momentarily going completely white.

He comes back down from his high when Jensen’s hand grips his chest, fisting his t-shirt and Jared looks down to see Jensen has his eyes closed, a look of utter bliss on his face. A calmness Jared has never seen before, and he looks so beautiful.

It takes several minutes for Jared to find his voice, for his breathing to return to normal, and he holds Jensen close, refusing to let him go.

“So, you were saying something about breakfast?” he says pathetically and Jensen laughs. “How about omelets?”

Jensen looks up at him with a peaceful smile on his face. “How about we shower first and then I’ll make you whatever you want?” He cringes as he shifts his stance, the mess he made in his sweatpants clearly uncomfortable.

Jared nods, somewhat reluctantly, and gives Jensen one last gentle kiss before he heads upstairs to his room to shower in his own bathroom.

He pauses on the bottom step when he realizes Jensen is following him and he turns to look at him with wide eyes, unsure how he’s supposed to proceed.

What happened in the kitchen was a big step for both of them, even if it was fairly tame on the scale of things, but they were fully clothed despite it all.

Showering together – in whatever capacity – is a whole other step altogether.

“What?” Jensen asks when he realizes that Jared’s staring at him, and his expression looks almost pleading, like he’s begging Jared to not make a big deal out of this – whatever ‘this’ turns out to be.

Finally Jared smirks and bends down to kiss Jensen again and then runs up the stairs two at a time, forcing a laugh out of Jensen as he hurries to catch up.

It’s a good sound, a relaxing sound, and Jared knows, whatever happens in the bathroom, it’ll be the right step for both of them.

///

“We should make dinner,” Jensen all but grunts from where he’s lying with his head pillowed on Jared’s chest.

Jared, lying flat on the couch underneath his boyfriend, just pushes his hand under said boyfriend’s shirt, palm against the smooth skin of Jensen’s back.

“It’s almost six,” Jensen presses, “we haven’t eaten since breakfast.”

“I’m comfy,” Jared protests, pouting like a four year old and smiling in triumph when Jensen laughs.

They’re having a lazy Sunday, veg’ing out on the couch and watching a _Leverage_ marathon. 

They had a very stressful night followed by a very eventful morning, Jared feels like they deserve to do nothing for one day.

After their little breakthrough moment in the kitchen, they’d shared and not-so-shared shower – Jensen using a new razor of Jared’s to get rid of the few days’ worth of stubble he’d grown out while Jared showered and then they’d switched – before coming back down the stairs to finally get some breakfast.

Walking past the living room, the items Jensen had left on the coffee table the night before had caught Jared’s eyes and he determinedly gathered them all up. 

“Do you have any idea how much money you’re literally pouring down the drain?” Jensen had asked as he watched Jared empty the bottle of pills and the baggie into the sink, followed by the alcohol.

“I have six million dollars in the bank, Jensen, I really don’t care,” Jared had snapped.

“ _Six_ million? I thought you said you sold _Colt’s_ for ten?”

After Jared had explained about paying back Genevieve’s and Stephen’s investments, Jensen had looked at Jared as if he was a God from on high. Jared had never felt so unworthy of someone’s love and attention and he’d swooped in to take Jensen in a deep, breathtaking kiss that almost had them needing another shower before Jared’s stomach had interrupted and Jensen kept good to his word and made omelets. 

Now, hours later, Jared is basically a big pile of goo beneath Jensen and he’s never been happier.

Jensen shakes him a little, a small whine escaping him. “Come on, Jared, I’m hungry.”

Jared glances down at Jensen from the awkward angle and notices the strained lines that had been hanging around the corners of Jensen’s eyes are all but gone. He looks lighter somehow, brighter, despite what happened the night before, almost like Jared didn’t come home to find Jensen in the process of trying to end his life and Jared’s just stuck on how to react to that.

He doesn’t want to sweep the whole thing under the carpet, because that’s not the way the world works. Jensen needs to deal with his issues, get them under control before he can start moving on. Jared know that he’s one of the reasons why Jensen didn’t go through with his plan, but there may come a day when Jared’s love and presences just isn’t strong enough to fight against Jensen’s self-loathing, even with his recent rejuvenation. Jared can’t promise that Jensen’s parents really are out of their lives for good and one stray phone call from a guilt-ridden mother when Jared’s out of town or something may just send Jensen back in search of more drugs without Jared there to hold him back.

Jared can’t take that risk, can’t face the thought of possibly losing Jensen, and he vows to pick up the phone first thing Monday and make a call to Dr. Rhodes, booking them an appointment where they can talk to her together and Jared can learn what he needs to do help Jensen’s recovery.

He also wants to yell and scream at Dr. Rhodes for causing the mess in the first place. If she hadn’t made the suggestion that Jensen try to contact his parents, last night’s scene never would have happened. She should have known that Jensen wasn’t ready for such a huge step and Jared needs to tell her that.

But for now, Jared decides that he can let Jensen have some normality, can pretend that everything’s okay for one day, before they head back to the real world and all the problems it does or doesn’t bring.

Jensen’s smile starts to slip when Jared doesn’t respond so he grunts and turns his eyes back to the television just in time to see Eliot explain to Nate the different ways to hold a knife when cooking compared to killing.

It’s kind of erotic. 

“You know where the kitchen is,” he mumbles to his boyfriend, “go make me some sandwiches.”

Jensen huffs. “You’re impossible. Sandwiches for dinner? Seriously?”

“Well, I don’t know. Call for takeout or something. Pizza, I could go for some pizza.”

“We eat too much take out and junk food. We should start having proper meals,” Jensen mumbles and Jared shrugs awkwardly.

“Unless you can get Danneel ‘round here to cook for us every night, that ain’t gonna happen any time soon. I’m not exactly the greatest cook in the world. I doubt you’d want steak and potatoes night after night.”

Jensen huffs a laugh. “Well, I can do it. I can cook. I’m gonna make it a mission for us to eat real food at least four days a week, including Sundays.”

“That’s awfully domesticated of you, Honey,” Jared quips and Jensen just rolls his eyes.

“Routine, remember?” Jensen moves to get up.

It’s a struggle for Jensen to extract himself from Jared’s embrace and once Jensen’s upright, Jared watches as he wobbles a little before he gets his feet under him and he turns towards the kitchen.

Sadie lets out a yip and scrambles to her feet, following after Jensen in a mad dash.

“Traitor!” Jared calls after her, but it still doesn’t make him get up and he settles back into the couch cushions just as Eliot beats up the Butcher of Kiev and his lackeys with nothing but a whisk and a saucepan.

Eliot rocks.

The doorbell rings and Jared groans, burying his face in a pillow.

“I do not want to see anyone today. I am not here right now. Whoever it is, make them just go the fuck away.”

“Poor baby, having to deal with other people,” Jensen mocks on his way to the front door. “I promise, if it’s anyone but Dee and Gen, I’ll send them away.”

Jared removes the pillow. “Why them?”

Jensen looks around the door jamb. “Have you ever tried saying ‘no’ to Danneel?”

Jared thinks back to the day Danneel talked him in to hiring Jensen. “You make a good point, Jensen.”

Jensen disappears and Jared stares at the ceiling as he listens to the front door opening and Jensen’s polite ‘can I help you?’ but the next voice has him sitting bolt upright on the couch, anxiety crawling up his throat.

“We’re here to see Jared.”

Her voice is timid and Jared’s unsure whether he should go out and see them or not, because he knows for certain that she didn’t come here alone.

“Jared’s not really up to seeing anyone right now.”

There’s a pause, like they weren’t expecting that kind of answer and Jared reluctantly gets to his feet, crossing to the doorway of the living room and peering out into the hallway. The last thing he wants to do is talk to the people standing at his front door, but he also thinks that it’s not fair to leave Jensen to deal with them. Any second now they could start demanding to be let in and Jared doesn’t know if Jensen’s stubbornness will hold up to that. Considering Jensen’s fragile state of mind and the way Jared’s mother spoke to him the last time they talked, Jared doesn’t really think Jensen has to the strength to deal with another round of that, not after the shocked and hurt state he ended up in last time.

“We’re his parents,” Jared’s father says after firmly clearing his throat and Jared waits for Jensen to regress to the dutiful son-in-law he almost is.

Instead, Jensen surprises him.

“I know who you are,” he says calmly, “that still doesn’t change the fact that Jared isn’t up to seeing anyone right now.”

“You can’t keep me from seeing my son,” Sharon says, her voice filled with self-righteous pride.

“Jared explicitly told me that he didn’t want to see anyone, there were no exceptions made. And really, after what Jared went through last night, I can’t blame him for wanting some time alone to relax.”

“Then why are you here?” Gerald asks, like it proves his point, and Jared’s had enough.

“Because I live here,” Jensen replies just as Jared makes it to the front door.

“It’s okay, Jensen,” Jared says, putting a hand on Jensen’s shoulder.

Sharon beams at him as though she’s won something. “Hello, Sweetheart.” She takes a step forward, like Jared’s mere presence at the door is all the invitation she needs, but Jared doesn’t move, using his and Jensen’s bodies to block the doorway.

“Jensen was right Mom; I _don’t_ want to see anyone right now. So say whatever it was you came here to say and then go.”

“Now wait a minute, Jared,” his dad starts, but Jared cuts him off.

“No, Dad, I won’t just wait a minute. What happened last night…” Jared flails, unable to come up with the right words, “I don’t even know what it was. The worst night of my entire life, probably, and that pretty much includes what Tahmoh did to me.”

Behind him, Jensen flinches slightly and reaches out to rest his hand between Jared’s shoulder blades, a gentle reminder that he’s there, providing comfort and strength and Jared’s grateful for it.

“I’m sorry, Dad, but I’m just finding it hard to deal with the fact that you all thought I was some huge loser until you realized how much I was worth. I mean, would you even be here right now if I’d kept that to myself last night?”

“Of course we would!” Sharon exclaims.

“Really? Because the last time I told you that Tahmoh tried to rape me, your reaction was to tell me that I’d misunderstood him and then invite him to dinner.”

Sharon grows pale, tears springing to her eyes while Gerald takes a step away from his wife, separating himself from the situation and his wife’s decisions.

“I thought…I thought you were just trying to get me to butt out of your life. I thought you were just trying to scare me or that you just didn’t understand what Tahmoh was trying to say. I didn’t for one second think that you were telling the truth.”

Jared looks away, snorting a laugh. “And that right there? Do you have any idea how hurtful it is to know that you took the word of a total stranger over that of your own son?”

Her tears fall but she pushes on, trying to find some way to absolve herself of any guilt. “But, Jared, it was just words, wasn’t it? He didn’t actually do anything to hurt you, did he?”

Jared swallows past a sudden lump in his throat. “He shoved me into a wall so hard everything started spinning. I had a lump on the back of my head the size of a goose egg and I scraped up my elbow, but yeah, it was _just words_.”

Sharon lets out a breath, her shoulders relaxing a little. “That’s…that’s not so bad, is it? At least it was nothing serious; the rest was just…just words and threats. That’s nothing.”

“You didn’t see him.”

A little shocked, Jared turns to look at Jensen, sees the anger lighting up his green eyes as he stares at Sharon.

“What?” she asks, as if she confused as to why Jensen’s addressing her.

“After what Tahmoh said, what he did, you didn’t see Jared. I did. I was the one who sat here with him until he stopped shaking, pretended not to notice that he was crying. You didn’t stay up all night, sitting outside his room, waiting for the inevitable nightmare, because you knew that it was going to come. You didn’t hear him scream, when the nightmare finally came and he couldn’t find his way out. And you didn’t sit with him for the rest of the night because he was scared to go back to sleep until he finally passed out from sheer exhaustion when the sun came up.”

Jared blinks, astonished by the heat in Jensen’s words, the anger in his eyes.

He’s not lying, everything he’s saying is true and Jared feels embarrassed of the fact that Jensen had had to do all of that, especially when he was dealing with flashbacks of his own rape. Jared feels incredibly guilty that he’d let Tahmoh make him feel like that and humiliated that it had taken him so long to get over the incident when Jensen was dealing with something so much worse.

“So yeah, words hurt,” Jensen presses on, “words hurt a whole fucking lot and Jared told you all about that. He was so… _mad_ when he got off the phone with you that day, but at himself rather that at you, Mrs. Padalecki, because he couldn’t understand why he couldn’t make you believe him. And then, to top it all off, you go an invite the man that reduced your son to a shaking wreck to dinner, because you thought your feelings were more important that your son’s.”

Sharon gasps. “N-no…no, that’s not…that’s not what that was about.”

Jared has to actually tear his gaze away from Jensen and back to him mother. “Actually, I think it is.”

“NO! Jared, you’re taking the word of this man over your own mother?”

“It’s the same thing you did to me, isn’t it?” Jared doesn’t let her answer, just barrels over her startled babbling. “Why did you invite Tahmoh to dinner last night?”

Sharon blinks, shocked by the question. “I thought…I thought he was a nice man who you might like to get to know better, maybe see where things led. But I know now that I-”

Jared cuts her off. “But I’d told you weeks before that I was dating Jensen and I told you what Tahmoh said to me and you still invited him. You knew I had absolutely no interest in Tahmoh and you didn’t care. Why?”

Jared’s mother’s face is stark white except for the two spots of color high on her cheeks and she stares at Jared with pleading eyes. “I thought he was a good, respectable man.”

“Someone you would be proud to call your son-in-law. It’s always all about you, Mom. _You_ wanted me to get my business degree, _you_ wanted me to be some corporate stooge pulling in a hundred grand a year, _you_ wanted me to date someone you thought was worthy of me. It’s always about what will make _you_ look good. It’s never about what _I_ want or need.”

Sharon’s crying openly now, Gerald’s arm around her shoulders, but Jared has noticed that his father hasn’t stepped in, hasn’t tried to correct anything Jared or Jensen has said and Jared wonders how long he’s disagreed with his wife’s agenda.

“I just…” Sharon sighs, “I never had much, growing up, we always scrimped and saved, even a few days at the beach was too much for us some years. I never wanted any of my kids or grandkids to go through anything like that, that’s why I pushed so hard.”

Jared nods. “I understand that, Mom, but that doesn’t give you the right to plan my life down to the person I marry.”

At the word, Jensen lets out a choked-sounding laugh and Jared rolls his eyes, even though he doesn’t look away from his mother. “Oh, don’t act like this is a surprise, Jensen. You know it’s gonna happen.”

Gerald chuckles.

“I’m being proposed to while we fight with your parents on our doorstep. This is not how I imagined this moment.”

Jared doesn’t answer, just makes a silent promise to himself to plan something extra special for when he does get around to proposing.

Sharon frowns, her tears subsiding for the moment as she looks from her son to his boyfriend and back again. “You really are happy.” She says it like it’s a surprise, like she thought Jared was lying to her the last hundred times he’s said it.

“Yes, Mom,” Jared sighs. “I’m more happy than I ever thought possible.”

Sharon looks confused by the answer and Jared just shakes his head. He doesn’t know what more he can do, what more he can say to make her understand and he fears something will come out of this that Jared won’t like very much.

“I’m sorry, Jared,” Gerald says suddenly, speaking for the first time in a while. “We failed you. We failed you so much and I’m so embarrassed by that.”

“No!” Sharon objects. “I just wanted him to be happy. To find a good job and someone who cares about him and…and compliments him.”

“Yes,” Gerald agrees, “but you wanted to do that by forcing him into a job he would hate and trying to make him be with someone who would demean him. That would do nothing but make him miserable.”

“You don’t know that. He could have a good life, maybe not with Tahmoh but someone…else.”

Jensen turns his back, clearly upset and Sharon’s easy dismissal of him and Jared goes to him, wrapping his arms around Jensen’s waist and whispering into his ear.

“Don’t listen to her. I’m not going anywhere. I love you.”

Jensen nods and Jared presses a kiss to his temple.

“Look at them, Sharon,” Gerald says. “Jared’s happier than any of us; he has more money than all of us combined, including your precious Tahmoh. And he has someone who loves him more than anyone could possibly love another person.” Jared’s father shakes his head. “You need to realize that you can’t run the boy’s life just because he didn’t follow your precious little plan.”

“I just wanted him to be successful,” Sharon hiccups. “I just wanted all of my children to be successful.”

Jared shakes his head, never letting go of Jensen. “You wanted someone to brag about. That’s why I never told you about _Colt’s_ or any of the restaurants. I wanted you to be proud of me for who I was, not for how much money I had or how many times my name was in the paper. But you could never do that. Ever.”

“Jared, Sweetheart, I am proud of you,” Sharon protests. “I was always so proud of you.”

“Yeah? I used to listen to you, bragging to your friends about how Jeff was a great doctor with a beautiful wife and Meg was gonna be a lawyer. So tell me, Mom, how many of your friends know I run a coffee shop in Richardson?”

The newly returned color to Sharon’s face drains away again as he looks at her middle son with wide eyes. “I…I told them you ran a business. I told them you were a manager.”

Jared nods his head sadly. “But not the coffee shop part, right? ‘Cause God forbid that Sharon Padalecki has a son who runs a lowly coffee shop.”

Sharon shakes her head in something that looks like denial, like she can’t understand where it all went so wrong.

He stares at his parents, at the two people who gave him life and raised him to be the man he is. They only wanted what was best for him, he knows that, somewhere deep down, it’s just that Sharon took it one step too far, putting her own image and wants above that of her children, or at least her middle son.

Jared thinks about Jensen’s parents, who cut their son out of their lives because he did something they didn’t like, something they didn’t agree with or want and Jared realizes that he got the better end of the deal here.

His mom might try to run his life, try to tell him who to date and what job he should have, but she didn’t turn her back on him when he went against her wishes, she still wants to be a part of his life, even if she did seem to be embarrassed by him in the past.

The same can’t be said for Jensen’s mom and Jared feels like an ass for being as upset as he is. Yes, he has good reasons for being mad, but Jensen has better reasons, real reasons, and Jared needs to just take a few steps back, take a second to breathe and then try to forget everything that happened.

He won’t be able to forget Tahmoh and what he did anytime soon, but he can try to mend things with his mom and the rest of the family and help Jensen to build some kind of a relationship with them. They won’t replace Jensen’s real family, nothing ever could, but maybe, someday, the Padaleckis can fill a little bit of the hole the Ackles’ left behind.

“I love you, Mom,” Jared says finally, honesty tinting his voice, “I really do. But right now, I don’t really like you very much.”

She chokes on her tears and next to Jared, Jensen reaches out to take his hand, giving it a squeeze, offering silent support and Jared knows he can do this.

“I don’t want to cut you out of my life, I would never do that, to you or to me, or even to Jensen, but…but I think I just need some time. Just to…to get over this.”

Sharon takes a step forward. “Oh, Jared, please. Please don’t do this.”

“I’ll call you in a couple weeks,” he promises, raising his chin to hold back his own tears.

He’s thought about walking away a thousand times, but he never thought he’d have the courage to actually do it, even if it is only temporary.

“For the record,” Gerald says as he leads his wife back down the front steps, “you were never an embarrassment to me, Jared.”

“I might have appreciated that a couple months ago, years, even. But you sat back and allowed Mom to treat me like the black sheep. You might not have been a part of it, Dad, but you didn’t try to stop it either.”

Gerald nods, accepting Jared’s accusations in silence. “I’ll talk to you soon, Son.” He doesn’t seem to think that there’s any option that Jared won’t call, and Jared and Jensen say nothing as they watch Jared’s parents walk back to their car, get in and drive away.

Jensen pulls Jared away from the door and back into the house once the car is out of sight and Jared collapses against him once it’s closed.

“Are you okay?” Jensen asks, crowding in close and putting his hands on Jared’s chest.

Jared nods. “Yeah…no, I’m…I’m not okay. I’m very, very far from okay right now.”

“They’ll come around, you know. Your parents aren’t like mine. They might have their own ideas about who you should be, but they still came here today, they still want to be part of your life and they’re willing to wait for you to want to talk to them again. They don’t want to lose you, you know that.”

Jared feels his mood crash even further at Jensen’s mention of his own parents, even though he’s just been thinking about them, and he puts his hands on Jensen’s hips, pulling him even closer, if that’s even possible. He needs Jensen to make him feel grounded; to remind him of what’s actually important in this situation.

“You never really told me what happened last night,” he says carefully, his thumb brushing under Jensen’s t-shirt until he brushes the warm skin of Jensen’s hip.

“Said everything last night,” Jensen admits with a shrug. “She just went on and on about how much the trial cost her and my father, how selfish I was for putting my own needs before the family’s. It’s nothing I haven’t heard before, but last night…I don’t know, I was alone with no one to talk to. I just…crashed. I’m not proud of myself. I just…”

“Hey,” Jared says softly, cupping Jensen’s cheek. “I’m not blaming you. You…you had a low point, that’s all. You’ll get better, I promise.”

Jensen just nods. “I’ve…I’m better than I was, but I don’t think it’s something I’m ever gonna forget about. Not just the rape, but my parents’ reaction to it, the way they treated me after. I can’t forget that.”

“Jensen, no one ever forgets about something like that. Hell, Tahmoh didn’t even _touch_ me really, not like that, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget that day. You learn to live with it, to deal with it, to put it behind you and look forward instead of backwards. You’ll never forget, but you can deal.”

Jensen nods, pressing even closer. “Thank you. I know…I know people say that the last thing a recovering addict needs is to start a new relationship, but I think I needed this, needed you. You helped me more than anything.” He looks deeply into Jared’s eyes. “That’s why I couldn’t do it, you know? Last night. You were the reason I didn’t want to die, I didn’t want to leave you behind, didn’t want to think about never seeing you again, didn’t want to think about the pain you’d go through when you found out.”

Jared swallows past the sudden lump in his throat and looks way from his boyfriend, staring hard at the floor of the hallway.

He doesn’t like to admit it – probably won’t ever say it out loud to anyone – but the idea of Jensen not being here, of what would have happened if Jared hadn’t come home or had been an hour later, makes something thick and heavy lie in his stomach.

Jared knows, deep down, that he wouldn’t have been able to go on with his life. He loves Jensen so much that the idea of Jensen not being a part of his world would have hurt Jared, would have probably killed him, maybe literally. In one way or another, his life would be over.

But still, taking the credit for Jensen’s decision feels wrong somehow, undeserving. Jared may have been Jensen’s reason, but Jared knows that there have been times when things like love and the people being left behind haven’t been enough to stop someone ending their life.

That Jensen had the strength to sit there, for hours, staring at the drugs and the alcohol and not touch them tells Jared all he needs to know about the strength Jensen possesses.

It’s why he knows that Jensen’s going to be okay, that they’re going to get past this and open their own little shop and live in their happy little bubble for the rest of their lives.

Instead of saying it, though, Jared smiles and kisses Jensen, soft and gentle. “I’ll always be here for you, but we’re still gonna go talk to your therapist this week, you hear me?”

Jensen nods and kisses him again, harder this time and longer, deepening it to something altogether new and rather unexpected and Jared pulls away to look into Jensen’s eyes, finds Jensen’s gaze to be open and clear, brighter than Jared can ever remember seeing.

Whatever happened between them in the kitchen had flipped a switch, changed something in Jensen’s head, or triggered a change in his perceptions of the world, and more specifically, Jared. There’s something in Jensen’s expression, something open and honest, that it makes Jared gasp, and he knows, just knows, that everything is going to be alright.

And so, when Jensen walks back, towards the stairs, Jared doesn’t think twice about following him.

There’s no rush; they’re not tearing each other’s clothes off and tripping on the steps or bumping into walls, but that still doesn’t stop Jared’s heart beating so hard he swears he can hear it. His hands are shaking and he’s starting to sweat, because despite everything, despite what happened that morning, this is a big step. This, whatever happens right now, has the power to change the rest of their relationship, and not necessarily for the better.

He needs this to be good, if for no other reason than to remind Jensen that sex _can_ be good and that it isn’t all about violence or the pleasure of the other person.

When Jared closes the door to his bedroom behind him, Jensen’s standing next to the bed, staring down at the place where he slept the night before and he lets out a choked sounding giggle.

“I have no idea what I’m doing,” he says, nerves shaking his voice, but he doesn’t sound like he wants to run away.

“We don’t always have to have a plan,” Jared says, coming to stand behind Jensen, his hands on Jensen’s hips.

“Be a good idea, though, might make my hands stop shaking.”

Nodding his head once, Jared steps back, putting a little distance between the two of them as his hands reach for the hem of his t-shirt.

When he gets the shirt off over his head, Jensen is staring at him – or rather, at his chest. Jared doesn’t know if they’ve ever seen each other even so much as topless. Jensen’s shame of his body means that he pretty much always wears Jared’s old Cowboys hoodie when they’re at home or at the very least one of the t-shirts he keeps swiping from Jared’s laundry and Jared’s penchant for splashing himself with grease or coffee or something else that’s hot when he’s making breakfast means that he pretty much always has something on to protect himself. Add in the fact that they don’t share a bathroom and this is new in more ways than one.

Jared doesn’t let Jensen’s gaze slow him down – though it does turn him on – and his hands go to the tie of the plaid pajama pants he’d pulled on after showering, undoing it as quickly as possible before he shoves them off his hips and they pool to the floor.

He steps out of the pants, kicking them towards the bathroom door, then climbs up onto the bed, kneeling in the middle and turning to face Jensen.

“You’re running the show here, Jensen,” he informs his boyfriend, his voice an octave lower than normal, “how do you want me?”

Jensen lets his gaze drag over Jared’s body and Jared swears he can feel it when Jensen’s eyes catch on his half-hard dick, but Jensen doesn’t move.

“On your back,” Jensen grunts hoarsely and Jared feels a little silly for even asking.

Jared doesn’t know much about the rape – Jensen never did go into many details – but he knows enough about it to know that Jensen had been forced onto his hands and knees in some filthy alley while his attacker took him from behind.

Jared feels confident in saying that it’s a position that will never make it into their bed.

 _Their bed_. Something glows bright inside Jared at the thought and his cock gives a slight twitch. He’s never been able to say that before, never been with anyone long enough for it to get to the ‘their’ stage.

It feels nice, but it feels better that Jensen is the other half of the equation.

Finally, Jensen seems to have gotten his fill of staring at Jared and he starts stripping off his own clothes, the hoodie the first article to be discarded and as he watches the pile of gray material fall to the floor, Jared makes a mental note to ask Jensen to leave it on at some point in the future.

Jared seems to have developed a kink.

By the time he looks back up, Jensen has already got rid of his t-shirt – or else he wasn’t wearing one – and his sweatpants are bunched around his knees as Jensen struggles to get rid of them.

“Um…” Jensen folds his arms across his chest when he realizes Jared’s staring at him but Jared can’t help it. 

Jensen is beautiful.

He’s filled out some since Jared met him, a little more meat on his bones and he wears it well, looking alive and healthy and so damn gorgeous Jared doesn’t know how he got so lucky.

“God, I love you,” Jared breathes and Jensen blushes, reminding Jared of when they first met, when Jensen blushed at every other thing Jared said and made Jared’s insides melt at the sight of it.

Seeing Jensen blush while standing naked and hard next to Jared’s bed makes Jared’s blood sing and he reaches for Jensen, needing to touch him.

Jensen takes a step towards the bed, towards Jared, but then he stops, his head cocked to one side. “Do you have…um…” he lets the sentence hang, too embarrassed to get the words out, but Jared reads him loud and clear.

“Nightstand. Top drawer.”

Jensen pulls open the same drawer that Jared had opened that morning and this time it’s Jared blushing hotly as – along with the lube and condoms that Jared’s expecting – Jensen pulls out another one of Jared’s toys, this time, a sleek black vibrator.

“Did you ever use them? When I was here? Downstairs sleeping?” Jensen asks, turning the vibrator over in his hands. He sets the necessities on the pillow next to Jared’s head and Jared really just wants to get this party started. He’s getting harder by the minute, the more Jensen talks and fondles the toy.

Finally, he just nods to Jensen in answer, relaxing back against the pillows. “Couple times,” he says, lying through his teeth. “Used to pretend it was you. Sometimes I could hear you, getting up to go to the bathroom or to get a drink or something. That made it even hotter.”

Jensen looks down at the toy in his hands. “I wasn’t going to the bathroom. No…well, I mean I was, but not for…I was…I had to clean myself up from…from jerking off. I used to do the same thing, imagine being inside you. If I’d known…we could have been doing this all along.”

Jared shakes his head. “We weren’t ready. Last night, this morning, it changed things. We needed that.”

Jensen doesn’t reply, just stares down at the vibrator still in his hand, an intense look of concentration on his face.

He takes a deep breath, then suddenly throws the toy clear across the room.

Jared follows its trajectory with an amused – if somewhat confused – smile, watching as it hits the wall next to the bathroom door and bursts apart, batteries and little inner workings flying everywhere.

Jared cocks an eyebrow at Jensen.

“You don’t need those anymore,” Jensen says, his words pitched low.

Jared swallows down a grin. “Some of those were gifts, you know.” Jensen eyes go wide and Jared chuckles, because he knows they had this conversation this morning. “Danneel and Genevieve and Matt and some of the other guys at the shop think it’s funny to buy me dildos and vibrators as gag gifts for my birthday or Christmas. They think like you did, that, because I’m such a big guy and I like to work out, that I have to be some toppy bastard in bed. I keep dropping hints about using the toys on myself, but they don’t really get it. They think I’m just humoring them.”

Jensen narrows his eyes. “I think I should have a word with these people about what is and isn’t appropriate as gifts for your boss.”

Jared holds up a finger. “Ah, but I’m not anybody’s boss anymore. At least not until we hire staff for the new place.”

Jensen just shakes his head and crawls onto the bed until he’s straddling Jared, one leg either side of his hips and Jared holds back a hiss as his hard cock brushes Jensen’s inner thigh.

“Hey, it could be fun, you know?” he says, looking up into Jensen’s green eyes. “Playing with them together. Never actually done that before. Don’t you wanna see how riled up you can get me before I come?”

Jensen shakes his head. “Right now, I just want it to be you and me. Us. I don’t see that changing any time soon.”

All the humor vanishes from Jared’s face and Jensen reaches for the lube, effectively putting an end to all conversation for now.

Jensen shuffles backwards until his sitting on his knees between Jared’s legs, the lube in his hands and an uncertain expression on his face.

“Never done this before,” he admits quietly. “I mean, I have, but I’ve never been the one to…you know.” Another blush steals across his face and Jared reaches down to pet him with fingertips.

“I’ll tell you if something doesn’t feel good.”

With that reassurance, Jensen uncaps the lube, slicking up his fingers before he uses one to tease at Jared’s hole.

The first finger breaches Jared easily and he throws his head back against the pillow, spreading his legs as wide as possible so that Jensen has all the room he needs.

“I never thought I’d get to have someone like this,” Jensen says as he adds a second finger, scissoring them apart. “I thought I’d always be too damaged. But you fixed me.”

He looks enraptured as he watches his fingers slide in and out of Jared’s body, like it’s the most fascinating thing he’s ever seen. He licks his lips and bites down on the bottom one and Jared wants to be the one to do that so badly it makes his fingers twitched.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” Jensen curses. “How the hell did I get to be so lucky?”

Jared can’t really find the words to reply, especially when Jensen leans forward to kiss him, pushing another finger in along with the first two as he does, stretching Jared even more.

“I’m good,” Jared gasps after another few minutes of Jensen’s fingers pumping in and out of his body smoothly. He grips Jensen’s shoulders, leaving behind little crescent marks that he’ll apologize for later.

Jensen pulls back slightly, looking into Jared’s eyes like he’s searching for the truth.

“Really,” Jared insists and Jensen must find what he’s looking for because he finally nods, sliding his fingers from Jared’s body and wiping them on the bed sheet and reaching for a condom.

He gives a shaky laugh as he rips open the foil. “Never really done this part either.”

Jared’s mouth goes dry as he watches Jensen roll on the latex and slick himself up, suddenly realizing that this is happening, he and Jensen are having sex.

With shaking hands, Jensen reaches for Jared, one hand curling around his thigh while the other takes himself in hand, pausing when the head of his cock brushes Jared’s entrance. “I want this to be good, but…”

Jared leans up on an elbow and presses a hand to Jensen’s face. “Good, bad, the only thing that matters to me right now is that this is us. We have the rest of our lives to get it right.”

Jensen doesn’t ask again, doesn’t pause again, just surges forward and buries himself balls deep in Jared and Jared throws his head back, teeth gritted against the burn.

“Is it…is it too much?” Jensen asks, holding himself as still as possible and Jared kind of wants to laugh because Jensen’s so busy worrying about Jared that he’s not enjoying himself.

“Jensen, breathe. Just…breathe.”

Nodding once, Jensen takes a deep breath and lets it out and then he starts moving, pulling out of Jared slowly, inch by inch, before he snaps his hips and buries himself deep again.

“God,” Jensen gasps, his face next to Jared’s, “you’re so tight. Never thought it would be this amazing.”

Jared’s floating, his head thrown back and his eyes squeezed shut against the pleasure. The sensations of Jensen moving inside him are indescribable.

Jensen finds his rhythm, slamming deep and hitting Jared’s prostate with no particular pattern, making Jared gasp and squirm and curse as his cock leaks pre-come against his belly and he wonders if he’s going to come untouched for the first in a very long while.

Soon, Jensen’s pace increases and he fucks into Jared with abandon, chasing he’s release and before Jared knows what’s happening, Jensen’s grunting out a warning and he comes with a silent scream, buried so deep inside Jared that Jared knows he’s going to be feeling this for the next few days.

“Jesus Christ,” Jensen curses as he pulls out and collapses onto the bed next to Jared. “That was amazing.”

“Definitely,” Jared manages, closing his legs and hoping that Jensen doesn’t realize that he hasn’t come yet.

“Don’t,” Jensen scolds, his hand sliding up Jared’s thigh. “Don’t hide from me.”

Jared cringes. “You don’t have to. I can…”

“No, you can’t,” Jensen tells him firmly.

He’s still breathing heavy when he gets up onto his knees, settling once again between Jared’s legs.

Before Jared can say anything else, Jensen swallows him down to the root and two fingers slide back inside Jared’s body, pressing ceaselessly against his prostate.

“Oh, fucking Christ!” Jared screams.

It doesn’t take long and Jared comes hard, spilling down Jensen’s throat and collapsing against the bed in a boneless heap.

“Damn,” he grunts and Jensen chuckles, crawling up the bed to lie with his head on Jared’s chest.

“I’m glad we waited,” Jensen says, his breath fanning across Jared’s chest. “It means more.”

Jared wraps his arm around him and squeezes him tight. “Me, too.”

Jensen sighs. “Can’t believe how much things have changed in just a few short months. Don’t wanna think about where I’d be right now if Dee hadn’t convinced you to give me that job.”

“You would have sorted yourself out somehow.”

Jensen snorts. “You’ve been to the shelter. If I’d been left there, I would have ended up right back where I started, or worse. Almost did anyway.”

“That reminds me,” Jared grumbles, “I need to see if my lawyer’s making any progress in getting that place shut down.”

Jensen pops himself up on one elbow so that he can see Jared clearly. “You want that place shut down?”

“After the way Amanda Tapping spoke about you and the rest of the people she’s supposed to be helping? You’re damn right I want it closed down. At the very least I want her fired. She’s not helping anyone.”

Jensen simply hums in agreement and settles himself against Jared’s chest again.

They fall into a companionable silence for a while and Jared drifts off a little, thinking about what to make for dinner and wondering if Sadie’s destroyed the whole of the downstairs yet.

So when Jensen speaks, it startles him a little.

“So, about the new shop idea,” he says, his voice low, as though he doesn’t want to disturb the serenity that has fallen over them.

“If you’re about to tell me you’ve changed your mind, I’m gonna kick you outta this bed.”

Jensen laughs. “No, nothing like that. I was just wondering what you had planned for the place. Menu, color schemes, things like that.”

“Oh,” Jared says, then he shrugs. “I haven’t planned anything except the idea itself. And the name. This is going to be _our_ thing, so we’ve got to plan it together. I _want_ to plan it together.”

“Right,” Jensen says and Jared turns his head at a crooked angle so that he can see Jensen chewing on his lower lip.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?”

“Nothing. I was just…I have some ideas. Maybe.”

Jared hums. “Okay, well, I don’t really want to talk about it right this second, you’re ruining the afterglow here.” Jensen laughs. “How about,” Jared goes on, “we take next week off and come up with a plan? Make some decisions? I can take you to see the actual shop.”

Jensen sits up, alarmed. “You already have a location?”

“Yeah…I told you that. Didn’t I?”

Jensen blushes. “Don’t really remember many details from this morning.”

Jared grins. “Well, then, yes, I have a location and we’re taking next week off so that you can see if and we can start making plans.”

“We can’t take the whole week off!”

“Why not? I’m the boss. Plus, I haven’t actually taken any time off since I opened the place, apart from the odd day or two here and there. And when you were hurt, of course.”

“Yeah, but I still have cakes and things to make.”

Jared groans and rolls his eyes. “Alright, fine, we’ll go in and bake stuff in the mornings, but, you know, we’re gonna have to think about hiring someone to take over for you at _Jay’s Pad_ and work down the menu to something more manageable.” He gasps. “Another fantastic reason to take some time off! Also, it’ll give Genevieve and Danneel an idea of what to expect when they’re running the place.”

Jensen shakes his head in awe. “I can’t believe you’re giving up your dream to run this place with me.”

“No,” Jared disagrees, “not giving up my dream. Just starting a new one.”

Jensen’s face softens into a warm smile and he dips down to kiss Jared soundly.

“One of many,” Jared whispers against his lips.

The End

  



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